William Shakespeare said, “Be not afraid of greatness: some are born great, some achieve greatness and some have greatness thrust upon them.”
I never wanted to be great.
I wanted a simple life with a little house in the countryside and a husband who loves me and healthy kids and we’d grow old together living our short and boring but happy life with grandkids laughing and running all around us. That was it. That was the biggest dream I have and I can’t have it. It’s not my life. It’s not meant for me.
In the next couple of months–I’m going to move to New York; I’m going to be president of a non-profit organization; I’m going to work 80 hours a week; I’m going to have thousands of followers; and most importantly, I’m going to help hundreds of people all around the country…but that’s not the life that I want.
It sounds stupid, debating whether I just want to slink back into the shadows and live this very boring but fulfilling life of an indie author with no romantic prospects, period, and no closer to fulfilling the dream I wanted for myself or if I would throw it all away and become someone who might be well known, and probably hated by many others, and make a ton of money while I’m at it and help save lives but I would have to be in the world and be a part of it.
I’m thankful that I had the opportunity to write and in the very least, I will publish the fourth novel in the vampire series before all of this other stuff consumes every waking moment of my time. The other six books in the series, might have to wait a little while to get published if all goes according to plan.
A part of me hopes that by writing it all here and planning for it to happen–it won’t happen. My luck is such that any time I plan something, I will fail at it. So a part of me holds on to that truth that by planning to move and planning to do great things, I can fail and remain simply as I am right now. It sounds really bad to destroy my own future before I can create it–but in a world where greed and power and corruption rules, what need do I have to be a part of that? I don’t want it.
Someone has to stand up. And it might as well be someone who can stand up. Someone who is not afraid. Someone like me.
Enough rambling with myself. *lol*
In the words of a brat friend of mine, “how the fuck does you out of a bunch of people matter?”
Silly man. This is my life. Of course I would be the one to matter. Stick around long enough, and you’ll see that I’m right.