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The Lesser of Two Evils

15 Jun

Mankind has been dealing with morality for as long as we can remember. Is it right to cause someone the same exact pain they’ve caused us? Is it right to tell a lie if it protects someone else? Is this right? Is that right? Our concepts of right and wrong have been greatly flawed, comparing two evils most of the time and choosing what we believe is the lesser one. So what is right?

The road to hell is paved with good intentions” and “No good deed goes unpunished” are two widely known sayings that expresses our inability to grasp the understanding that our own morality is erred. Our perceptions and perspectives are colored by our experiences and our knowledge. Without an actual unbiased outside view of the entire picture and the knowledge and understanding of what the purpose is of such an event or circumstance, we only see in part. We only know in part. We, as human beings, will forever be fallible for our lack of omniscience.

The fact that we have moral implications at all describes an intelligent creature who has the ability to consider the impact of his/her actions/inactions and of the overall contribution(s) that we can inflict upon the future of not only our own selves, but on others and the world as a whole. Because we are capable of such distinctions as to the concepts of good and bad, we should have some sort of absolute moral code as a species, but why is it that our moral code exists only for ourselves and our self-righteousness?

Trust is something needed to build the base of any and all relationships. Yet, how much information do we each require from someone else as our “right to know”? And why is it that we feel such an importance in someone being honest with us by detailing specific parts of their lives with us when we have no intentions of offering up any sort of recompense of trust in return?

I talk about my life often. And everything I write has to do with my life in one form or another. It’s all me: the good, the bad, the ugly, the crazy, the super freakishly crazy, etc, etc. I’m human. I’ve made mistakes. And I don’t care to hide any of it because people will always do one of two things: they will accept you, or they will not accept you. And for all those who don’t accept me for all and everything that I am–you can always leave. I’m not short of friends in any way that I would be desperate to cling on to anyone who expects me to accept them, but can’t even repay the small favor. With that being said, I actually do offer a lot more information to people than what they really should know anyhow. I see no point in hiding things. It’s always easier to tell others exactly how it is so they won’t be surprised later on–or they won’t pretend to be surprised.

I am always thinking, always looking back, always wondering if I could’ve done something differently to help myself and someone else. I always try to believe in the hope for humanity, even when I know it’s hard to be found. And I will always talk about my friends and the people who are important to me. I do less talking of people that don’t matter and I have a difficult time letting go because I don’t believe that it’s right to just give up on others so easily. When I am frustrated, I often talk about my frustrations without specifically naming names. Just because something is past doesn’t mean that it hurts less or affects us less. And just because I speak about something doesn’t mean it has anything to do with that person in particular. It’s more to deal with the thought processes behind such circumstances and events. Most people won’t even look that far down, but it’s difficult for me to not analyze since I’m one of those crazy thinkers.

The lesser of two evils, right?

I was looking at movie trailers on YouTube today to try and figure out something to watch. I looked up Eden and doing a Google search, have found that the woman who inspired the movie and whose story was being depicted for everyone to see–the survivor of a sex-trafficking ring in the United States–is false. Not only that, but another highly profiled woman who is described in NewsWeek as the “holy saint (and sinner) of sex trafficking”, has resigned from her own non-profit organization which is reportedly helping to free children in Cambodia from the sex slave rings. What is interesting about these two women are that they have indeed done some sort of actual help in raising awareness and providing some sort of support and relief for other women, even if their stories were false and the stories of their “survivors” were also fabricated along with straight up lies to further their non-profit corporations and themselves. Does what little good that these women did get hidden by the fact that they shammed the whole world? We are all people, and I can’t begin to judge anyone for the mistakes that they’ve made, but it’s an interesting read on how the human itself will always strive to further itself along in whichever manner that benefits it. I’m sure that sentence is difficult to understand. In simpler terms, it’s interesting as to how far people–as individuals and as a whole–will strive for what they believe is right and good as long as it benefits themselves.

A closer example to home which was very recent: I spent five years in prison for aggravated identity theft and possession of credit card numbers. Anyone can look that up. Anyone can read what my judgment records from court states and pretty much any document relating to that. Someone can pull up my entire life in records and public documents and such things if they’d like. And then, they can all also make their judgments and say their two cents on my past and the mistakes I’ve made. I don’t care. It’s past. If anyone wanted to know why I actually went to prison, all they had to do was ask. Lying gets on my nerves because I don’t remember enough to lie.

Anyhow, the point is–if you’re my friend for let’s say…a number of years (like over a decade) and we’re good friends, then I offer the information to you anyway because one–it explains my disappearance for the past five years, and two–I believe you have a right to know. If you asked for details, I’d tell you details. If I told you specifically what my charges were, then why would I hide anything else? It makes no sense to me.

A used-to-be good friend of mine that I’ve known for the past almost fifteen years, said recently that he backed off from our friendship because he didn’t trust me anymore. He looked me up and linked the newspaper (yes, I’m in the newspapers from back in 2008 so go look it up) and gave me the link. I replied with, “I already told you that” about what my charges were and how long I was in prison. And he actually said, in his words, I quote: “Yes you did inform me of that. What you left out was the amount that you did. That’s where the trust issue comes into play.

Really?

The entire conversation was absurd in my opinion. I had just agreed on him being right that we should amicably part ways in our friendship and he wants to pull this self-righteous bs on me all of sudden because why?

My reply included: “Trust isn’t about, “I’ve got to share every detail of what I did wrong with you because we’re friends while you don’t offer me ANY information about your life at all”. Trust is a two-way street.” And “By the way, my entire restitution was $175.00 You don’t have to believe that. No one did anyways. But you can look it up all you like. It’s in my judgement papers from court. THAT’S how much I did.

I didn’t even bring up how his particular person threatened to find my probation officer (I’m on probation for three years) so he could try to get me into trouble by telling the PO that I was “harassing” him and also threatened to press harassment charges for my emails of which there was only two, neither one was aggravated in any way, and the last one said specifically these words and nothing more, “I hope you have a good life and whatever is your problem, I hope you figure it out and fix it. This is the last time you will hear from me. Thanks for being a good friend when you were one. Take care.

I didn’t bring up all his faults (and he had many) or the mistakes he’s made in his life. Yet, I find it ironic that he wants to be self-righteous and hypocritical on the whole, “I can’t trust you because you told me you were in prison and what for and how long, but you didn’t tell me all the details about what you did wrong.” Yet, all I got from him about the missing five year gap in our friendship was, and I quote, “I have started a new chapter in my life. Not many people will like what I have become.

Really? That’s it?

Like I said, trust is a two-way street. My life is an open book. I generally offer more information than people would care to know. I don’t expect people to be that open about their lives. But I also don’t expect the self-entitlement most people feel they have a right to know about my life that has nothing to do with them in any way, shape, or form. Anyone can ask. Don’t expect me to be kind in reply when you believe you have a right to knowledge I am offering because we’re friends.

It still astounds me. Not only him in particular and his selfish behavior, but in humanity as a whole. What is the lesser of two evils? The fact that I spent time in prison? Or the fact that it’s easier to always see another’s faults instead of our own?

And by the way, if I’m such a hardened criminal and you’re a bad-ass who threatened me–don’t be a coward later on and claim to have your Facebook and email “hacked” and claim you said none of the things that you said to me. Although I learned long ago that I’d rather let God handle all the crappy people and payback, at least own up to what you did say and have some balls to stand up and either admit you’re wrong, or continue to believe your wrong as right. I’d at least respect someone much more if they had the guts to stand behind their words.

We, as human beings, are so damn judgmental of other people. We feel entitled to their lives and all their failures and mistakes, yet, we defend ourselves with excuses and anger when anyone wants to know about our life, let alone what we did wrong in our lives. I don’t understand the trending culture with, “let’s just proclaim everyone going to hell, but we’re going to heaven” ploy. Does it make people feel better about themselves to put others down? Does it make people feel more of a sense of self-worth to know that someone else is doing horribly? Does controlling someone else brings us happiness? We are such backward creatures!

I guess it’s normal. I have plenty of excuses for people who are horrible to me, but I really want them to be better people so I stick around, trying to see them become, in my opinion, a better person to me. In reality, it’s really shame on me because I’ve compromised myself to believe in something that doesn’t exist that I knew didn’t exist.

A friend of mine, supposedly my best friend from when we were young, mooched off of me for a few years and although everyone else saw it and knew it, I defended her and didn’t believe anyone, making excuses for her because she was my best friend. She didn’t work. Didn’t drive. Didn’t own a car. Didn’t have a phone. I did everything in that friendship.  I bought her a cell phone so we could talk. I picked her up and her friends and took them everywhere. Paid every time with no hesitation whenever we went to eat out or to the movies (which was very often). I’d always call. In the two years that I paid for the service on her phone, she probably called me no more than ten times without having to repeatedly be asked by me to do so. She had no money and never even offered to contribute five dollars for gas our entire friendship, but she always found enough money to buy weed, cigarettes, and alcohol daily. We were both sick like hell this one time and I couldn’t even see straight, but she had no food so I drove to the store, bought lots of cans of soup, went to her house, and cooked us soup so we’d feel better. And she didn’t live close to me. She lived 45 minutes away. She’d ask me to come over at a certain time and when I did, she was 98% of the time not there! I’d wait in her grandmother’s house for hours and eventually, I’d leave because I’d have no idea when she was coming back. I believed in the good in her. She believes that I stayed because of the Otherworld–a place she dreams of that I can jointly enter while awake. If I wanted supernatural crazy power things from people, I wouldn’t care enough about them to do anything for them. I tried my best to be a good friend. All those years, were shame on me too.

I wonder sometimes, how people can just think of themselves. Life would be blissfully ignorant without this over-analyzing thinking thing that I do and I’ve always done it my whole life. Ponder, ponder. See how the human being tinkers and works. My life is already so complicated without the legal stuff on top of it, that I find it weird how some people can just stalk others or how some people can play endless mind games with others. My head will explode. There’s already too much going on in there, up there, that I really don’t have a lot of time for family, friends, and people in general.

Maybe if we all looked inside of ourselves and tried to be better people than we were yesterday, the world would be a better place. And maybe stop with the judging and having to be more right than someone else. I do it a lot–mainly when it comes to magic. I’m just the most arrogant person you’d meet on that topic. I don’t go foolishly challenging people to spiritual warfare. I can simply back up what I claim. A small difference in a way.

All in all, if we, as people, stop focusing so much on others and their faults and wanting to live like the people next door, maybe we can work with ourselves, inside ourselves, and realize that the best option isn’t choosing the lesser of two evils. The solution is to not choose evil at all.

(This post has gone off topic often. The cognizance of each individual human being is spectacular. It varies from person to person and no two are actually alike in thoughts, brain waves, patterns, behaviors, beliefs, etc. If I had more time, I’d be a scientist.)

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Posted by on June 15, 2014 in Diary

 

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