For this weekend, I’m planning to stay up for two days. I was going to sleep one last time, but nah. Why not start early? I woke up at 9:30 this morning, but to be safe, I’ll say it was 10am. And on that count, I’m already a good 12 hours in. Only 30 more to go!
A long time ago, I was up for two days playing games and chatting and staying online with a friend. I didn’t even realize that two days had gone by. All I did was cook yummy vermicelli fettuccine alfredo with pan seared chicken and sauteed mushrooms! Yum! I ate that three times a day, for two days.
At about 42 hours, I started to hallucinate. It was partly halfway due to staring at a computer screen constantly, but it wasn’t anything that anyone had ever told me about hallucinating. I didn’t see little elves or faeries or any of that stuff. No demons. Nothing scary. No figures. No snipers in the trees. Lol. What I saw was pretty cool though.
There were two matrices. One was a bright green and the other was a bright red. And they moved. Like the air, but uniformly. It was as if they encompassed all the space that the air filled up. However, I filled up space too and it seemed like the matrices folded back against itself with something solid in the way. Matter, I guess. I don’t really know.
I’ve never attempted to go back to that 42-hour mark of staying awake. I never had the time to do so. And anything that uses my brain (like work or thinking) normally causes mental stress which is relieved by sleeping. So I do sleep as much as I am able to to help lower stress.
Today, I am introduced to a free online game (of which you will need to download and patch) called Vindictus. I fully intend for this game to be my muse for the moment. And if I get really bored, I’ll do something that I haven’t done since the 2000’s–I’ll chat online. Lol. It’s been ages since I’ve actually been in a chat room. It would be interesting.
The question is, why would I want to hallucinate?
I don’t do drugs. I don’t smoke. I don’t drink. And I hardly go out and be social. I have nightmares and my life is filled with lots of magic-wise things. Hallucinating would not be ideal to someone like me who has had a memorable amount of traumatic experiences. The smart thing to do would be to sleep and not naturally induce any kind of hallucinations. Why am I doing this?
I am experimenting. Like my dreams, which are all recurring dreams, and which are all nightmares, I am safe regardless of what terrifying thing lurks in the deepest, darkest corner of my mind. I am pushing boundaries. I presume that hallucinations, if I do have them, would be very much in the same way as my dreams. If they’re scary, it wouldn’t make a real difference because I would still be safe and unharmed through it all. It’s stupid to see how far my safety net can stretch, but sometimes, it’s nice to know that you’ll always be okay. I’ll always be okay.