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Dear White People, Stop Being So Utterly Retarded

In response to this blogger’s post here: https://afrosapiophile.com/2016/12/10/white-radicalization/ from a friend’s post on Facebook.

I don’t agree with anything in this article or the other article he wrote either and I’ll tell you why because I believe it’s worth speaking on whether anyone agrees with anything I say or not.

Chris Rock asks, “What do white people got to be so angry about?”

I’ll answer that question. White people should be angry because they’re oppressed in America by every person of every other color. A black man can discriminate against a white man and that’s a black man standing up for his rights, but if a white man does the same, it’s racism. A university can have a group of black people shouting black power and that’s somehow applauded, but a group of white students shouting white power will immediately be called out as being racist. Whites are often overlooked in jobs and education because of actual laws that allow companies and universities to discriminate against whites in favor of minorities to fill quotas. And therein is systematic racism against whites, because this backwards country has been oppressing white people, in actual laws and institutions, and calling it modernization. So I don’t understand why any white person wouldn’t be angry, but the fact that white people aren’t angry at the racism and the hatred against them by people of color is astounding. Now isn’t that interesting? White people are legally and socially discriminated against. White people are blamed for the life choices made by people of color. And yet, whites aren’t taking to the streets marching, exclaiming, “White Lives Matter. Kill all black cops,” like the hate group, Black Lives Matter. And yes, it’s a hate group. And if you would like me to explain how Black Lives Matter is a hate group, I’d be happy to in an additional comment.

My question to Chris Rock is this,” What are black people so angry about?” Seriously, black people today have never been been slaves. Their parents and their grand parents have never been slaves. Many slave owners were also other blacks, but of course, black people will never admit to that because it makes them lose this power they have by creating the illusion that they’re victims of something that happened more than 150 years ago while victimizing whites and demanding reparations for something that didn’t happen to them. Not only with this ridiculous notion that whites were somehow responsible for enslaving black people (Barbary slave trade, anyone?), but black people seem to be very angry that white cops have killed blacks because it serves this illusion that blacks are victims of white power. While most cops are less inclined to pull the trigger when the suspect is black (refer to reverse racism above as the reason why), most blacks are killed by other blacks. And why aren’t black people angry about that? Why aren’t black people angry that the majority of death to young black men is homicide committed by other black men? A black man is 2,000 times more likely to be murdered by another black person than by a white person, a hispanic person, an asian person, or a cop. But why does the media only cover blacks being killed by white cops? Because it furthers the fake racism in America by creating the illusion that blacks are victims while victimizing all whites. If black lives really mattered to the hate group, Black Lives Matter, they would definitely address the gigantic concern in the African American community of blacks killing blacks. Anyone who mentions such a thing however, is immediately called a racist because that’s the ONLY thing black people really care about, furthering this fake racism and hate. Apparently, black lives do not matter, not even to black people.

Morgan Freeman said best when asked in an interview on how to deal with the issue of racism in America. He gave a simple reply which was very appropriate. “Stop talking about it,” he said. Yet, hate groups like Black Lives Matter continue to create this fake racism dynamic to separate all people into groups. So why aren’t we talking about black radicalization? Because it would be racist according to black people and society. And therein lies the problem, that blacks want special privileges for things they didn’t suffer from, and they want to oppress an entire race so they can feel good about themselves. It’s seriously messed up.

Now, to address other fake crap in these two articles.

Asian people do NOT engage in skin bleaching to look white. Nor do Asian people want to be white. It’s disgusting to assume something when ignorance could’ve been easily averted with a simple Google search. Most Asians value pale skin because working in the sun gives you a tan and poor people farm a lot. Having pale skin in Asian cultures is a social status. It means you have enough money where you didn’t need to work all day outside. Also, rich people can afford something called pearls which is very good for your skin. Asians love using pearl powder on their skin which gives it a white sheen. The more powder on your face, the richer you are. So white skin isn’t because Asians want to be white. It’s because it’s a tradition of measuring wealth.

Also, Asians don’t have eyelid surgery to look like white people. It’s a stupid, utterly stupid assumption that ONLY white people have double eyelids. I guess all blacks, all natives, all europeans, all asians, and all hispanics have monolids. I can’t even begin to comment on the stupidity of people and how they twist reality to fit this perverted alternate reality they claim to live in. Not all Asians have monolids. A lot of Asians have double eyelids, thus negating this stupid need to look like white people by having eyelid surgery. Sure, some Asians do have eyelid surgery, but it’s not to look like white people. It’s to feel good about themselves and how they look. My sister, for one, had double eyelid surgery. She didn’t really need it, but she had a heavier top lid like me which makes her eyelids look almost like monolids. However, she didn’t have surgery to look like a white person. My other four sisters all have double eyelids. My one sister who had surgery did it to feel good about how she looked. She certainly wasn’t thinking about wanting to look like a white person!

“Afro-Americans extensively KNOW racism.” Really? Where in the world did the blogger make that crap assumption? Being a black person doesn’t make one not racist. And let’s talk about that. Being a minority does not make someone automatically not racist. I find blacks and minorities are more racist towards whites, and although it’s socially accepted to discriminate against whites and not have that be called racism, which it really is, there’s this gross misconception that blacks and minorities cannot be racist because they’re not white. Apparently, only white people can be racist. Racist, much? Just because racism against whites is socially accepted by this perverted country, doesn’t make it right. It’s not okay.

Apparently, white people talk about racism ALL the time because minorities and other sympathetic idiot whites accuse other white people of racism all the time. I don’t understand this crap, “fear of merely talking about racism” thing the blogger tries so hard to push. I will talk with people about racism all day long because I have no problem telling minorities and stupid white people, yes, stupid because they believe in this fake racism war, I have no problem telling all of them to stop complaining about pretending to be victims while victimizing white people just because they’re white. That is actually called racism, people, where groups of people discriminate, oppress, hurt, and hate another group just because of their skin color. All this reverse racism needs to stop. It’s so embarrassing to see stupid white people believing in this fake lie of racism and to see them furthering this illusion that blacks and minorities are actually victims. They’re not victims. They are actually legally and socially accepted to discriminate and hate white people without any backlash whatsoever. Talk about black privilege. White people can’t get away with that crap.

White people fear losing whiteness in America? I’m going to curse here because I have been trying to be good about this most idiotically written piece of blog I had to read. WTF? I actually didn’t curse. People did when they read those three letters. Anyway, white people fear becoming a minority? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. It’s like saying that I fear not being Asian anymore. But with all the perversion in this country where you can choose what gender you are and who you are, whether you’re a plant or animal or not even a life form, why settle for one race when you can be any race you want? *shakes head* The sarcasm is thick, but many won’t understand it. I can’t even believe the utter crap I’m reading. We have just had a black president for the past 8 years. White people have a fear that not everyone is white? What kind of nonsense is that? It’s like saying that all white people pretend that people of color don’t exist. We know America is a melting pot of lots of races, but seriously, how can stupid white people believe this utter crap spewing from this idiot blogger? The title of my post should really be labeled, “Dear White People, Stop Being So Utterly Retarded”. Right now, the blogger is just pulling crap out of his ass and smearing it on anyone who would believe in his poop. Yep, poop.

“Minorities are allowed to have a controlled amount of say-so, but not a true freedom of say-so.” This is utter crap too. Minorities have actual LAWS protecting them and allowing white people to be discriminated against. Plus, minorities are seen as the victims and therefore, minorities are never called out as the racists they are even when they are the aggressors.

The fear of white people mixing races is utter crap. On the street I grew up on, and I’m only counting two blocks down, there were two interracial families who both had children. They were two couples comprised of a black partner and a white partner. They were happy and they were accepted in the community which was a mixed community of whites and blacks. Their kids were accepted too although for some reason, the mixed children were made fun of in the black community for having a white parent. Who is racist now? White people don’t fear mixing races. They’re not afraid that everyone’s not white like them because they KNOW that everyone isn’t white like them. The blogger has nothing valid to say except for his own fears which may be mixing races.

The fear of being a minority is pretty stupid, considering the fact that not ALL white people aren’t even actually white. This also goes back to the fear of losing whiteness in America which is just another made up fear projected from an idiot blogger onto an entire race of people. Many Europeans look white. Grouping all light skin people into the “white” category isn’t white people trying to become a bigger group because they’re scared of becoming a small group. It’s what idiots use to rationalize their unfounded theories of white fear. It’s like me saying all darker skin colors are really blacks and should be grouped together, like all middle easterners, all hispanics, everyone living near the equator, etc, etc. Doesn’t that sound stupid? Yes, it does.

As to the assumption that white people are adopting from Russia to increase the population of whites, according to Childwelfare.gov (https://www.childwelfare.gov/topics/systemwide/statistics/adoption/), There were 11,100 adoptions abroad by US Citizens in 2010. 3,156 of those adoptions were from Africa. 5,409 of those adoptions were from Asia. Both Africa and Asia are places of non-whites. That’s 8,565 adoptions of color. Guess that kinda blows away the crap reasoning that Americans are quick to adopt only white looking babies to further their race crap.

The 2015 Annual Intercountry Adoption report from the government (https://travel.state.gov/content/dam/aa/pdfs/2015Annual_Intercountry_Adoption_Report.pdf) states that a total of 5,648 adoptions in 2015. 2,354 adoptions came from China. 1 from the Republic of the Congo, 29 from the Democratic Republic of the Congo. 4 from Central African Republic. 13 from Cameroon. 5 from Burkina Faso. 10 from Burundi. 1 from Algeria. 2 from Eritrea. 327 from Ethiopia. 77 from Ghana. 2 from Guinea. 2 from Kenya. 3 from Malawi. 1 from Mali. 5 from Niger. 150 from Nigeria. 11 from Sierra Leone. 33 from South Africa. That’s a total of 3,030 from non white majority countries. I didn’t even count South American countries or other Asian countries as well. That is over half of all intercountry adoptions resulting in non white babies.

All in all, believing in the racism lie just gives people like this blogger and everyone else a mouthpiece to pervert the truth. Be smart. Learn truth, not believe in lies because they sound good or because they’re widely accepted by everyone. Think for yourself.

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Posted by on February 3, 2017 in Uncategorized

 

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It’s All Relative

“My old friend, how have you been?” he asked me.

I shrugged. “I saved a fae. That’s about it.”

We laughed. Charly took my hand and kissed my fingers. He was always a sweet gentleman. “And how goes the world?”

I smiled at the kindness, but shook my head at the question. “The world is a mess,” I replied. “It’s different and devolving, but what can you do? They’re just mere mortals.” He nodded in agreement. “Besides, I’m more interested in how you have been. How are things here?”

He drank his tea the same as he has always taken it, a lot of grey with a bit of Earl, just a sprinkle of a fingernail or a hair to add flavor to the cup. “You’ve been gone a long while,” Charly said to me. “It’s been quiet. There hasn’t been much that has changed.”

“I think it’s good not much has changed.” I drank my tea, sweetened with a bit of honey. I didn’t drink tea like how I used to. Everything tasted better sweeter. “Even I haven’t changed that much. I’m still running away from things.”

We laughed and he shook his head. “Is it always so hard for you?” he asked me. “You deserve some bit of happiness in your life.”

“I’m working on it,” I replied. “I’m just impatient for things to get to where I want it to be. It’ll get there, eventually. The hardest things are the kinks,” I told him. He leaned in to listen. “There’s just a bit of annoyance.”

“What annoyance?” he asked. “It’s hard to imagine things irking you.”

I laughed. “Try becoming human. Everything is an annoyance then.” He chuckled. I wasn’t sure if he was ever human. From the moment I met him, he had never been to that world. “I think I’m stuck,” I began again. “It’s like a loop that keeps playing over and over again.”

“Tell me more,” Charly inquired.

“Remember Anna?”

He nodded. “How could I forget?” he asked me. “She’s still married to our best friend.”

“Yes, him.” I paused for a moment. “When they met, the three of us were dark and corrupted, terrible and horrid in our ways.” Charly grinned. He knew exactly how we were. We weren’t kind by any means. We killed and plundered and did such evil things, it was a wonder as to why we all were able to retire quite peacefully and safely in this world. “Well, when Demonico met Anna, she was sweet and innocent and unblemished. A spoiled princess she was. He was smitten from the moment he met her and he wooed her with words I’ve never heard from him ever.”

“Are you still upset about that?” His cheery brows twisted with concern.

I smiled and shook my head. “It was long ago. I’ve long moved past that now.” He nodded and I continued. “Well, the annoyance was exactly that and them and how it just replays even now. Must we all be sweet and innocent and unblemished to be protected? Sometimes I yearn for that, just someone to say they’d save me, even if I never required rescuing. It’s just the comfort of being loved enough that someone would that makes it good to hear.”

“I would save you,” Charly said.

“You did,” I replied. “And I thank you for it.”

He gave me a smile and I smiled back. He saved me long ago when my home was burned to the ground. There was nothing left but ashes and a trail of slime which led into the waters, back to from where they came out of the deep. They were beautiful with their jellied bodies and flashing blue and red lights, bio luminescent in the darkness of the night. I should’ve said something. I should’ve warned someone. I was a helpless brain dead fool who couldn’t remember herself, let alone the generations she lived in that small coastal town where everyone she grew to love grew old and died, leaving her behind.

“Anyhow, it’s different this time. The annoyances aren’t much now, only sometimes when my mind becomes frantic with frustrations and fears. I will wait to hear him say the things I want to hear when he’s ready, when he means it, and when it comes from him and from his heart. It might actually work this time, this happiness thing that eludes me so much. I might have it and I hope I do.”

“I hope you do too,” Charly told me. His expression was the same, a bit soft and sharp at the same time, but he was happy for me. “I am glad it is working out.”

I nodded. “It is working.” I was happy about it working too. Another thought came to mind. “About the fae,” I said. “She is mine. I don’t think any harm would come to her and she should very well stay out of trouble, but the moment something happens, please give me a call. I am keeping one here following her in twilight, but you know how faes are. She understands that the moment she disobeys, she will be under lock and key and a prisoner. I doubt she wants that as faes love their freedom all too much, even if it’s only an illusion.”

“There hasn’t been any accidents,” he assured me. “Mayfel will be fine.”

“And if you ever need gold, you know where I stash mine.”

He laughed. Charly didn’t need gold, ever. We all retired handsomely with enough to last us until the end of the world and beyond. “Thanks,” he answered with a smile. He paused for a moment. “Must you go so soon?”

I nodded. “If I stay longer, you know what will happen.”

“You eat the food in my fridge?” He grinned and I laughed.

“Yes! But no, really. My mind will drift and I wouldn’t be able to hold consciousness in the other place.”

“So lose consciousness,” Charly said to me. “It’s okay for you to relax a little.”

“You don’t know my life,” I replied. “Relaxing is an understatement. Losing consciousness is an understatement.” I laughed. “I have to go. There are many, many things I should do that I’m not doing. There are things I need to find again, old gods I need to be friends again with and so forth.”

“Old gods?” He wasn’t sure if I meant what he thought I meant or if I meant something else entirely. The latter was the correct one.

“The ones that can’t kill us,” I told him. “We let them be what they are. They don’t know what we are and I like it that way.”

He nodded in agreement. There was something freeing about not being noticed. “I’m sorry about not being there for you,” he told me.

I smiled and shook my head. “It’s past,” I said. “We already spoke of it.”

“I didn’t hear you.” He felt pained.

“I know,” I comforted him. “I don’t hold it against you. When I died, I didn’t die, I simply faded into the ether. He thought I died. Silly old gods and all.”

“I’m sorry you were alone.”

“Don’t be.” I got up and walked over and hugged him. “I was lonely then. I wasn’t alone.”

I despaired at the time. I was foolish and hurt at the time. I was suicidal at the time. But nothing happened. I died. He believed I died. And I sat there watching him turn back to his millions of constructs and all his human subjects whose potential apparently was greater than mine. I was glad he didn’t see me cry. I don’t remember how long I was crying. Through blurry eyes, there was a hand and I reached out for it. The man with the green eyes. He came to me when no other heard my cries.

“I’m not losing consciousness anymore,” I informed Charly with a laugh.

“Does that mean I’ll get to keep you longer?” he asked with a smile.

I shook my head. “No, it just means I have other things to do. I’ll see you soon.”

“Come again, Chao,” Charly said to me. I nodded and made a mental note to come again soonish.

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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How the Mid-Season Finale of Supernatural Made Me Cry

For anyone who has kept up with the tv series, Supernatural, the story of Sam and Dean has spanned eleven seasons. We’ve seen the boys hunt monsters and save people. We’ve seen the hell the boys have been through from not being able to save the people they set out to help to losing the people they love. And all the while, there was this hope that there was an endgame, that everything will be ok.

There are spoilers, so if someone’s not caught up to date or anything, please don’t read forward. If you do continue reading, consider yourself duly warned.

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Sam had been having visions from God every time he prayed. There was even a burning bush, like in the Bible. The visions were telling him that he had to return to the cage with Lucifer. And once there, he would find the answer to getting rid of the Darkness. Sam and Dean screwed up even bigger than normal. They let the Darkness out and now, she’s collecting the souls of mankind and growing stronger with each intake. Sam holds on to the hope that God is still here, that God is still watching and more importantly, that God still cares.

During the mid-season finale, Sam teams up with the King of Hell, Crowley, and his witch mother, Rowena, in a desperate move to call up Lucifer from the cage. Lucifer would know how God locked up the Darkness to begin with. Things obviously went wrong and Lucifer traps Sam in the cage with him. Rowena’s wards on the cage had worn off or something so Lucifer took Sam and wants to test out Sam’s meat suit – to possess him and walk the earth.

Sam still held on to the hope that God had a plan, that God was leading Sam to Lucifer’s cage, and that he was ready to do anything to save billions of lives, even to go back and stay in that cage forever. With Sam in the cage and Rowena’s wards no longer effective, Lucifer taunts Sam with the truth.

Lucifer: “Hey, Sam Winchester, you miss me? I bet you did.” [ Inhales deeply, exhales slowly ] “I have to say, you’re — you’re extraordinarily calm given the circumstances.”

Sam: “It’s pretty much exactly how God told me it was gonna be. Guess I just have to go with it and play my hand.”

Lucifer: [ Clicks tongue ] “And that would make so much sense if it was God that was doing the talking. You see, Sam, when the Darkness descended, the impact on Hell was massive. The cage was damaged. Through the fissures, I was able to reach out. It wasn’t God inside your head, Sam. It was me. So you see, he’s not with you. He’s never been with you. It was always just Me.”

I don’t know to how many people those words hit home. It hit real life. It hit our lives. “It wasn’t God inside your head. It was me. So you see, he’s not with you. He’s never been with you. It was always just me.” For me, those words summed up my entire life, even to today, and even to right now. It was never God inside my head. He’s not with me. He’s never been.

When I was incarcerated, I had a friend named Rachel. They took her mother to the segregated housing unit, the SHU, and every day at lunch, she would go jump on the the window sill to knock on the glass and talk to her mom. The first time was insane because she had to scream and figure out which cell her mom was in. And I worried she’d get caught and get thrown in there as well. So every day I would pray that she never got caught. Talking to people in the SHU wasn’t allowed. You get thrown in the SHU far away from whoever it was that you wanted to speak with. It was a spectacle at lunch every day for two weeks before they shipped her mom off and she never once got caught. And one day, I told her about how much I prayed that she wasn’t caught so she didn’t have to spend time in there. I told her that my prayers were answered because she never got into trouble for disobeying the rules. However, at the end of that conversation, I said to her that, “If all my prayers were answered the way I wanted them to be answered, then it may not have been God who answered them.” And I didn’t understand why I said that. I was always just a strange one. But it makes sense now. If all your prayers are always answered, it isn’t always God who is answering your prayers. And that’s exactly what Lucifer revealed to Sam.

I’m sitting here, alone in the dark, dog sitting my sister’s three dogs while she’s away for the weekend. I’m afraid of the dark. I’m terrified of dead things. And I have a strange phobia of zombies. It seems silly that I have so many fears, but I just finished watching a really bad movie on what I thought was going to be an exorcism. It was more or less, a botched production full of incredible actors. So am I still not afraid?

Fear comes and goes. I’ve really been with the dark for so long that I’m not even sure what I would be afraid of anymore. They’re just normal, every day things to me now. Sure, I can scare myself, think about something creepy hiding in a dark corner somewhere, but for the most part, I’m a bit beyond being afraid. It’s almost this strange familiarity, like family, and how you could have a horrific and violent family, but that part is irrelevant because it’s family.

Where is God?

I can’t speak for anyone else, but only for myself. I don’t have playtime with the dark and dark things because I actually like that kind of stuff or because I enjoy those kinds of things. It’s so easy to be wicked, to be mean and terrible to others, to plot evil and abuse everyone. Is that what I want, what I am? No. Somewhere, there’s a child that takes a step into the dark, unable to reach the light because they’re not tall enough, but walking forward and deeper into darkness, they can’t see anything behind them. Are their parents still right there following them? Why can’t a grown up just reach up and turn on the light? Why is it so dark? What’s the point of tripping over things in the darkness, of getting lost and scared and being lonely? Walk long enough, and eventually, you realize there’s no one behind you. No one following you. God is supposed to be everywhere. And still, He’s nowhere to be found.

Do you see me if I cut myself a hundred times? Can you hear me if I scream your name in your holy temple until my voice is gone? Will you see me if I cover your alter in the blood of your faithful followers? What can I do to get your attention? What can I do to have you take notice and answer me?

What are these feelings? All this destruction. Is it hatred? Is it malice? Is it anger? Is it jealousy? Is it vengeance? No. It’s pain. Pure and simple, it’s pain. People in pain. People wanting and hoping for something greater than themselves, and then coming to find out like Sam that there was never any hope. It didn’t exist. Sure, God exists, but He was never with us. He’s not with us. And that’s the saddest thing of all, to hope and see that that hope was nothing. That there was nothing.

 
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Posted by on December 12, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Do We Automatically Go to Heaven if We’re Poor?

I’m not understanding this. I’m not understanding a lot of things lately. This faith thing has been rolling around in my head for a while now, enough to make me want to find out what the truth is. Do we automatically go to heaven if we’re poor? Apparently, that’s what the Bible is saying.

Take the story of the rich man and the poor man that Jesus tells in Luke 16:19-31, KJV.

19 There was a certain rich man, which was clothed in purple and fine linen, and fared sumptuously every day:
20 And there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, which was laid at his gate, full of sores,
21 And desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man’s table: moreover the dogs came and licked his sores.
22 And it came to pass, that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels into Abraham’s bosom: the rich man also died, and was buried;
23 And in hell he lift up his eyes, being in torments, and seeth Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom.
24 And he cried and said, Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus, that he may dip the tip of his finger in water, and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.
25 But Abraham said, Son, remember that thou in thy lifetime receivedst thy good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things: but now he is comforted, and thou art tormented.
26 And beside all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed: so that they which would pass from hence to you cannot; neither can they pass to us, that would come from thence.
27 Then he said, I pray thee therefore, father, that thou wouldest send him to my father’s house:
28 For I have five brethren; that he may testify unto them, lest they also come into this place of torment.
29 Abraham saith unto him, They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.
30 And he said, Nay, father Abraham: but if one went unto them from the dead, they will repent.
31 And he said unto him, If they hear not Moses and the prophets, neither will they be persuaded, though one rose from the dead.

There’s not enough information here to conclude anything except that Lazarus was poor and the rich man was rich. So being poor, I can only presume that Lazarus hoped for good things. And if we, being poor, hope for good things, are we guaranteed those good things after death like Lazarus? I’m confused. Does this mean that everyone who hoped for a savior, who hoped that someone would come save them from the miserable wretched life that they now live…will all those people go to heaven?

It is said that after Jesus Christ has died and risen, that we are to believe He is the savior. And if so, being that people long ago, hoping for someone to save them, who didn’t know of Jesus, but who hope anyways for salvation, if that hope is being counted for them as belief in Christ, our Savior, then why is it now that people who hope for a savior, can’t be saved if that savior isn’t Jesus? How is it that those people back then, who hoped to an invisible God, could be saved because that invisible God is automatically the Christian God, and yet, people have hoped and prayed and spoken in secret their heart’s wishes and desires and their worries and fears and that invisible God is automatically the wrong God?

My mother, who believes that heaven and hell doesn’t exist, and that if she is a good person, mainly good to others, then that makes her a good person regardless and that that goodness would be enough. There are many people who think the same way, that if we are kind and good in life and that if we treat others the way that we wanted to be treated, then our afterlives would be good because we are good. My mother isn’t buying her way into heaven. She doesn’t even believe in heaven. She simply believes that good begets good and bad begets bad. And isn’t that what we are taught in from the Bible? That a good tree will produce good fruits, but a wicked tree would produce bad fruit. So how is this any different from what the Bible does teach?

I’ve come to the realization that there is no salvation for one. Lazarus being poor and needy and having a hard life, was granted heaven in Abraham’s bosom. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t because Lazarus believed in Jesus. It seemed more that Lazarus was of the lineage of Abraham, and that faith wasn’t mentioned at all as a prerequisite for his salvation. For it was mentioned that salvation belonged to the Jews, and only after Paul was sent to preach to the world, that salvation was given to the whole world because the Jews denied their God and did not want any part in his Christ. Was it then that the rest of us are only an after thought? While many Christians argue that God, all knowing, had included the rest of us in his plan, it’s not as convincing to everyone who doesn’t like the simple fact that they weren’t good enough to be a part of that plan to begin with.

Imagine it as a single parent family, as God being a father, who raising twenty kids, decides to favorite one, and love five. That favorite one, is Jesus. And those five, are the Jews. What happens to the other fourteen children? How do they feel when daddy makes them eat after the others, makes them walk behind the others, and essentially, tell them that they’re not good enough to get Christmas presents? But wait, because the other five children were so spoiled and so loved by daddy that they didn’t want their toys on Christmas, daddy gets mad and gives those toys to the rest of the little boys and little girls who didn’t get any to begin with. For children who was denied the same love and same treatment and same privilege as their siblings, those presents were everything to them. Daddy loves them. Daddy gave them gifts. And when they grew up, they realized, that if daddy hadn’t loved the others so much that when the others rebelled and didn’t want the presents with their names on it, then they would’ve never gotten anything from daddy at all. And how then do those fourteen children feel, all grown up with the truth that their daddy didn’t love them? Their daddy loved their siblings and because their siblings refused that love, only then, out of wrath and anger, and out of trying to make their siblings jealous, did their daddy finally showed them a bit of love. How does that make them feel good about themselves, about how it’s said that their daddy loves them so much that he did everything for them, when in truth, their daddy was just someone whose love was unrequited and in an act of anger, he only loved those he never loved in order to make the ones he did love, fill with jealousy and turn back to him? Those fourteen children would feel confused and angry and cheated and betrayed. Their daddy never loved them. He showed them love because he wanted to make their siblings jealous. How is that a good father? And how is it love when their daddy’s only intention was to make his chosen ones jealous? It sounds spiteful and horrible.

Paul has said that, salvation came to the Gentiles only because the Jews refused the free gift of eternal life by God. Romans 11:11 KJV said, and this is Paul speaking about the Jews:

I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.

“…for to provoke them to jealousy.”

The entire purpose of salvation for the Gentiles was to anger the Jews to jealousy.

Take a love relationship for example. Imagine it as a man who loves a woman and does her bidding and provides for her and takes care of every single need and desire she has. And when that woman starts rejecting that man and no longer wants his love and affection, and takes upon herself many other lovers, that man goes out and seeks a lover, anyone would do, in order to provoke her to jealousy that she may return to him. But what of his other lover? He doesn’t love her. He’s using her to make his love jealous so that she’d come home.

We are but an after thought in the mind of God to make the ones he loves jealous so that they’d return to him. How is that love at all? It’s not. It’s not love. Not one single minute of being mind raped and manipulated that we are indeed loved and precious.

If Lazarus, who being poor, wasn’t of the lineage of Abraham, and the rich man, being rich and plentiful, was of the lineage of Abraham, would this story have been told a different way? For there is no mention of faith. There is no mention of belief. There is only the mention that Lazarus was in Abraham’s bosom, an implication that Lazarus was of the line of Abraham. Does faith and belief even matter then? Or is the only thing that does matter is who we can trace our ancestors to?

Salvation itself isn’t for one. We can, as individuals, believe in Christ and accept Jesus as our savior. And we’re saved, right? Unfortunately, that’s not the case. It should be that simple for a free gift, but nothing is free without strings attached. In order to be saved, you have to believe that Jesus, who is God, was born a man, lived for 33 years, was crucified and died for your sins, was risen three days later, and is now sitting at the right hand of God until the day of his return. Now, you have to accept that Jesus died for your sins personally, because the wages of sin is death, and if Jesus died your death, then you won’t have to die a second death, which is odd because you have to die a mortal death anyhow. And after that, you have to get baptized and be reborn again. And after that, you have to go spread the good news and tell how Jesus has changed your life. And after telling people about Christ, you have to also try and convert them. And the ones that don’t want to listen, you simply ignore them and move on to people who do want to listen and who do want to be converted. And not only that, you must now try to be as much like Jesus as you can. That means compassionate and helping and performing miracles and exorcising demons and raising people from the dead, turning water into wine. Lots of works. So these souls that you’ve convinced and won for Jesus, they will be added to you as a crown. And as it says nothing about the people who didn’t convert a single soul getting a crown, it’s safe to imply that they won’t have crowns. So even in heaven, there’s this hierarchy of people who won souls and people who haven’t and they’ll be distinguished by the crowns that they’re wearing. Now, as if that isn’t a cause for discrimination in heaven, from a God to whom all sin is equal, then surely there should be no distinction in heaven between Jews and Gentiles, between those who has converted souls and those who barely converted themselves. Even the angels have rank, and believe that in heaven, everyone saved also will have rank. Again it will be, daddy loves who he loves the most.

I don’t know. I’m tired of thinking. I don’t want to think about this anymore.

 
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Posted by on September 14, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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The Lesser of Two Evils

Mankind has been dealing with morality for as long as we can remember. Is it right to cause someone the same exact pain they’ve caused us? Is it right to tell a lie if it protects someone else? Is this right? Is that right? Our concepts of right and wrong have been greatly flawed, comparing two evils most of the time and choosing what we believe is the lesser one. So what is right?

The road to hell is paved with good intentions” and “No good deed goes unpunished” are two widely known sayings that expresses our inability to grasp the understanding that our own morality is erred. Our perceptions and perspectives are colored by our experiences and our knowledge. Without an actual unbiased outside view of the entire picture and the knowledge and understanding of what the purpose is of such an event or circumstance, we only see in part. We only know in part. We, as human beings, will forever be fallible for our lack of omniscience.

The fact that we have moral implications at all describes an intelligent creature who has the ability to consider the impact of his/her actions/inactions and of the overall contribution(s) that we can inflict upon the future of not only our own selves, but on others and the world as a whole. Because we are capable of such distinctions as to the concepts of good and bad, we should have some sort of absolute moral code as a species, but why is it that our moral code exists only for ourselves and our self-righteousness?

Trust is something needed to build the base of any and all relationships. Yet, how much information do we each require from someone else as our “right to know”? And why is it that we feel such an importance in someone being honest with us by detailing specific parts of their lives with us when we have no intentions of offering up any sort of recompense of trust in return?

I talk about my life often. And everything I write has to do with my life in one form or another. It’s all me: the good, the bad, the ugly, the crazy, the super freakishly crazy, etc, etc. I’m human. I’ve made mistakes. And I don’t care to hide any of it because people will always do one of two things: they will accept you, or they will not accept you. And for all those who don’t accept me for all and everything that I am–you can always leave. I’m not short of friends in any way that I would be desperate to cling on to anyone who expects me to accept them, but can’t even repay the small favor. With that being said, I actually do offer a lot more information to people than what they really should know anyhow. I see no point in hiding things. It’s always easier to tell others exactly how it is so they won’t be surprised later on–or they won’t pretend to be surprised.

I am always thinking, always looking back, always wondering if I could’ve done something differently to help myself and someone else. I always try to believe in the hope for humanity, even when I know it’s hard to be found. And I will always talk about my friends and the people who are important to me. I do less talking of people that don’t matter and I have a difficult time letting go because I don’t believe that it’s right to just give up on others so easily. When I am frustrated, I often talk about my frustrations without specifically naming names. Just because something is past doesn’t mean that it hurts less or affects us less. And just because I speak about something doesn’t mean it has anything to do with that person in particular. It’s more to deal with the thought processes behind such circumstances and events. Most people won’t even look that far down, but it’s difficult for me to not analyze since I’m one of those crazy thinkers.

The lesser of two evils, right?

I was looking at movie trailers on YouTube today to try and figure out something to watch. I looked up Eden and doing a Google search, have found that the woman who inspired the movie and whose story was being depicted for everyone to see–the survivor of a sex-trafficking ring in the United States–is false. Not only that, but another highly profiled woman who is described in NewsWeek as the “holy saint (and sinner) of sex trafficking”, has resigned from her own non-profit organization which is reportedly helping to free children in Cambodia from the sex slave rings. What is interesting about these two women are that they have indeed done some sort of actual help in raising awareness and providing some sort of support and relief for other women, even if their stories were false and the stories of their “survivors” were also fabricated along with straight up lies to further their non-profit corporations and themselves. Does what little good that these women did get hidden by the fact that they shammed the whole world? We are all people, and I can’t begin to judge anyone for the mistakes that they’ve made, but it’s an interesting read on how the human itself will always strive to further itself along in whichever manner that benefits it. I’m sure that sentence is difficult to understand. In simpler terms, it’s interesting as to how far people–as individuals and as a whole–will strive for what they believe is right and good as long as it benefits themselves.

A closer example to home which was very recent: I spent five years in prison for aggravated identity theft and possession of credit card numbers. Anyone can look that up. Anyone can read what my judgment records from court states and pretty much any document relating to that. Someone can pull up my entire life in records and public documents and such things if they’d like. And then, they can all also make their judgments and say their two cents on my past and the mistakes I’ve made. I don’t care. It’s past. If anyone wanted to know why I actually went to prison, all they had to do was ask. Lying gets on my nerves because I don’t remember enough to lie.

Anyhow, the point is–if you’re my friend for let’s say…a number of years (like over a decade) and we’re good friends, then I offer the information to you anyway because one–it explains my disappearance for the past five years, and two–I believe you have a right to know. If you asked for details, I’d tell you details. If I told you specifically what my charges were, then why would I hide anything else? It makes no sense to me.

A used-to-be good friend of mine that I’ve known for the past almost fifteen years, said recently that he backed off from our friendship because he didn’t trust me anymore. He looked me up and linked the newspaper (yes, I’m in the newspapers from back in 2008 so go look it up) and gave me the link. I replied with, “I already told you that” about what my charges were and how long I was in prison. And he actually said, in his words, I quote: “Yes you did inform me of that. What you left out was the amount that you did. That’s where the trust issue comes into play.

Really?

The entire conversation was absurd in my opinion. I had just agreed on him being right that we should amicably part ways in our friendship and he wants to pull this self-righteous bs on me all of sudden because why?

My reply included: “Trust isn’t about, “I’ve got to share every detail of what I did wrong with you because we’re friends while you don’t offer me ANY information about your life at all”. Trust is a two-way street.” And “By the way, my entire restitution was $175.00 You don’t have to believe that. No one did anyways. But you can look it up all you like. It’s in my judgement papers from court. THAT’S how much I did.

I didn’t even bring up how his particular person threatened to find my probation officer (I’m on probation for three years) so he could try to get me into trouble by telling the PO that I was “harassing” him and also threatened to press harassment charges for my emails of which there was only two, neither one was aggravated in any way, and the last one said specifically these words and nothing more, “I hope you have a good life and whatever is your problem, I hope you figure it out and fix it. This is the last time you will hear from me. Thanks for being a good friend when you were one. Take care.

I didn’t bring up all his faults (and he had many) or the mistakes he’s made in his life. Yet, I find it ironic that he wants to be self-righteous and hypocritical on the whole, “I can’t trust you because you told me you were in prison and what for and how long, but you didn’t tell me all the details about what you did wrong.” Yet, all I got from him about the missing five year gap in our friendship was, and I quote, “I have started a new chapter in my life. Not many people will like what I have become.

Really? That’s it?

Like I said, trust is a two-way street. My life is an open book. I generally offer more information than people would care to know. I don’t expect people to be that open about their lives. But I also don’t expect the self-entitlement most people feel they have a right to know about my life that has nothing to do with them in any way, shape, or form. Anyone can ask. Don’t expect me to be kind in reply when you believe you have a right to knowledge I am offering because we’re friends.

It still astounds me. Not only him in particular and his selfish behavior, but in humanity as a whole. What is the lesser of two evils? The fact that I spent time in prison? Or the fact that it’s easier to always see another’s faults instead of our own?

And by the way, if I’m such a hardened criminal and you’re a bad-ass who threatened me–don’t be a coward later on and claim to have your Facebook and email “hacked” and claim you said none of the things that you said to me. Although I learned long ago that I’d rather let God handle all the crappy people and payback, at least own up to what you did say and have some balls to stand up and either admit you’re wrong, or continue to believe your wrong as right. I’d at least respect someone much more if they had the guts to stand behind their words.

We, as human beings, are so damn judgmental of other people. We feel entitled to their lives and all their failures and mistakes, yet, we defend ourselves with excuses and anger when anyone wants to know about our life, let alone what we did wrong in our lives. I don’t understand the trending culture with, “let’s just proclaim everyone going to hell, but we’re going to heaven” ploy. Does it make people feel better about themselves to put others down? Does it make people feel more of a sense of self-worth to know that someone else is doing horribly? Does controlling someone else brings us happiness? We are such backward creatures!

I guess it’s normal. I have plenty of excuses for people who are horrible to me, but I really want them to be better people so I stick around, trying to see them become, in my opinion, a better person to me. In reality, it’s really shame on me because I’ve compromised myself to believe in something that doesn’t exist that I knew didn’t exist.

A friend of mine, supposedly my best friend from when we were young, mooched off of me for a few years and although everyone else saw it and knew it, I defended her and didn’t believe anyone, making excuses for her because she was my best friend. She didn’t work. Didn’t drive. Didn’t own a car. Didn’t have a phone. I did everything in that friendship.  I bought her a cell phone so we could talk. I picked her up and her friends and took them everywhere. Paid every time with no hesitation whenever we went to eat out or to the movies (which was very often). I’d always call. In the two years that I paid for the service on her phone, she probably called me no more than ten times without having to repeatedly be asked by me to do so. She had no money and never even offered to contribute five dollars for gas our entire friendship, but she always found enough money to buy weed, cigarettes, and alcohol daily. We were both sick like hell this one time and I couldn’t even see straight, but she had no food so I drove to the store, bought lots of cans of soup, went to her house, and cooked us soup so we’d feel better. And she didn’t live close to me. She lived 45 minutes away. She’d ask me to come over at a certain time and when I did, she was 98% of the time not there! I’d wait in her grandmother’s house for hours and eventually, I’d leave because I’d have no idea when she was coming back. I believed in the good in her. She believes that I stayed because of the Otherworld–a place she dreams of that I can jointly enter while awake. If I wanted supernatural crazy power things from people, I wouldn’t care enough about them to do anything for them. I tried my best to be a good friend. All those years, were shame on me too.

I wonder sometimes, how people can just think of themselves. Life would be blissfully ignorant without this over-analyzing thinking thing that I do and I’ve always done it my whole life. Ponder, ponder. See how the human being tinkers and works. My life is already so complicated without the legal stuff on top of it, that I find it weird how some people can just stalk others or how some people can play endless mind games with others. My head will explode. There’s already too much going on in there, up there, that I really don’t have a lot of time for family, friends, and people in general.

Maybe if we all looked inside of ourselves and tried to be better people than we were yesterday, the world would be a better place. And maybe stop with the judging and having to be more right than someone else. I do it a lot–mainly when it comes to magic. I’m just the most arrogant person you’d meet on that topic. I don’t go foolishly challenging people to spiritual warfare. I can simply back up what I claim. A small difference in a way.

All in all, if we, as people, stop focusing so much on others and their faults and wanting to live like the people next door, maybe we can work with ourselves, inside ourselves, and realize that the best option isn’t choosing the lesser of two evils. The solution is to not choose evil at all.

(This post has gone off topic often. The cognizance of each individual human being is spectacular. It varies from person to person and no two are actually alike in thoughts, brain waves, patterns, behaviors, beliefs, etc. If I had more time, I’d be a scientist.)

 
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Posted by on June 15, 2014 in Diary

 

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Evil in the Modern Age

There’s an old Hmong man in Minnesota who killed his son and then tried to kill himself over installing cable. He’s 84 and his son was 36 years old. This happened March 29, 2014. What people didn’t know was that the old man wanted his son to pay for an international channel which showcases Hmong women in Thailand. The article can be found here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/29/pang-se-vang-kills-son-over-cable_n_5051802.html

This story may sound bizarre, but it’s a phenomenon that is recently increasing among a lot of the elderly men of this particular ethnic group. Elderly men, mostly in their sixties and up, desire to travel to Thailand to have sex with the women there. Some go as far as planning to take their sons, who have wives and children here, to that country and remarry their sons to the women there. And even with the recent deaths of American Hmongs in Thailand being poisoned by their own immediate family members who live there, this news doesn’t deter these men from doing anything that would allow them to go. This sudden obsession and rage over not being able to go to Thailand to have sex with the native Hmong women there sounds more like demonic possession than simple lust.

Is it really demonic possession?

In the late 1970’s, Hmong refugees from Thailand and Laos began a new life in the United States. Between 1977 and 1986, less than ten years, 116 Hmong men and 1 Hmong woman between the ages of 25 and 44 were found dead with no apparent cause. All the deceased were healthy with no medical history and died in their sleep. This phenomenon was investigated by the federal government and was given the name SUNDS (Sudden Unexplained Nocturnal Death Syndrome).Easily explained in the culture of the Hmongs, the cause of death was an evil spirit that suffocates the victim by sitting on the chest during sleep. An entire book written on this event can be found here: http://renincorp.org/bookshelf/hmong_sudden_unexpected.pdf and other articles can be found here: http://www.skewsme.com/hmong.html#axzz327lmCw4B and here: http://theweek.com/article/index/220269/when-dreams-kill-the-phenomenon-of-sleep-paralysis

There is something wicked working in the world today. Evil is in the works and it is not only with the Hmong, but with every ethnic group that exists. There are many questions that have no logical answers and when it’s not enough that we are left without explanations, we turn from logic to faith or the lack thereof.From the movie Constantine:

John Constantine: Detective. What if I told you that God and the devil made a wager, a kind of standing bet for the souls of all mankind?

Angela Dodson: I’d tell you to stay on your meds.

John Constantine: Humor me. No direct contact with humans. That would be the rule. Just influence. See who would win.

Angela Dodson: Okay, I’m humoring you. Why?

John Constantine: Who knows. Maybe just for the fun of it. No telling.

Angela Dodson: Oh, so it’s fun? It’s fun when a man beats his wife to death? It’s fun when a mother drowns her own baby? And you think the devil is responsible? People are evil, Mr. Constantine. People.

John Constantine: You’re right. We’re born capable of terrible things, but then sometimes something else comes along and gives us just the right nudge.

Angela Dodson: Well, this has been real educational, but… I don’t believe in the devil.

John Constantine: You should. He believes in you.

constantine

People are indeed evil, as Angela Dobson puts it, but there is also indeed a world beyond our own physical and sensory limitations that causes a tremendous effect here and mainly, it’s not for good.

What I wouldn’t give to be ignorant and blissful, but my blood and my heritage and even those I can’t get rid of betrays my knowledge of such things. There is evil in this world and that evil doesn’t necessarily manifest itself as a red man with horns, hooves, and a tail. Evil can mask itself inside of people and evil can also mask itself to seem like something it isn’t. Evil takes many forms and its appearance in the world is increasing at an alarming rate.

I overheard a conversation today about the horrific acts of different individuals. One man hired thugs to kill his friend’s wife because the friend didn’t want to lend him money. The friend’s wife actually didn’t die, called the cops, and told them that the men called her prior to coming over and trying to kill her. The cops traced the call to a pay phone outside a gas station where the men stopped to buy snacks. They were arrested and the guy who hired them to kill his friend’s wife, committed suicide.

Another man molested his daughter from a very young age and later killed himself because his wife was going to call the cops.

Another man beat his wife and when she ran out of the house screaming and yelling, he pulled off the traditional wrap around cloth she wore and she ran off naked. When the cops came, because she didn’t know any English and he did, he told the cops that she was crazy and when he wouldn’t let her out of the house naked, she started crying and ran off. He was given custody of her and disability for her “craziness”.

Although it seems unfair that I’m listing men who are wicked, there’s plenty of wickedness in women as well. I’ve talked to several women who have committed horrific criminal acts. One woman chopped her boyfriend up into pieces and sent his body parts to his mother. Another woman drove her four kids into the lake (this is a different woman from the famous Susan Smith). Another woman actually cooked her infant and served the deceased child to her husband for dinner. Another woman sexually abused and allowed other people to sexually abuse her own children. Another woman killed the elderly in a care center and then burned the place down to try and hide the truth. Evil is everywhere and it doesn’t discriminate between sexes or races or colors or wealth or status or any of the boundaries that we as human beings, put on one another.

I’m not even sure what I am trying to accomplish with this blog post. I’m still exhausted from yesterday’s events and my brain is too fried to function properly.

There’s so much wrong in today’s world. I just wish there was something right.

 

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2014 in Diary

 

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