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My Thoughts on Christianity, Homosexuality, and Marriage Equality

This is a conundrum.

I am only speaking from my opinion, my perspective, so anything I say shouldn’t be correlated to any group of people nor should my words be representative of any group of people. This is all just me. With that said, I’ll start.

I’m a Christian. I believe homosexuality is a sin. I support marriage equality for all human beings.

Many people automatically think, “oh, she’s a Christian so she is against gay marriage”. It’s a false misconception. The misconception occurs because Christianity is based on the teachings of the Bible and the Bible clearly states wrong things that we as followers, aren’t supposed to do or aren’t supposed to take part in. It’s a conflict of belief and personal preferences.

How can I be a Christian, believe homosexuality is a sin, and still support gay marriage?

The thing about Christianity is that calling someone a sinner isn’t an insult. It’s an accepted belief that everyone is a sinner. We’ve all done wrong things. It’s normal to be a sinner because no one is perfect. It’s like saying, “you have blood” or “there’s a brain in your head”. Being a sinner isn’t a degrading and insulting thing. Rather, it acknowledges that we’re imperfect beings that need a Savior.

People often forget that homosexuality isn’t the only sexual sin in the Bible. There’s seven, one of which I truly have forgotten by now so I’ll just leave unnamed. Surprisingly, it isn’t masturbation. Masturbation isn’t a sexual sin. There’s adultery, fornication, prostitution, homosexuality, incest, and beastiality. Adultery is sex outside of marriage. Fornication is sex before marriage. Prostitution is sex for money. Homosexuality is sex with the same sex. Incest is sex within the immediate family. And beastiality is sex with animals.

People have often said to me, “how can you be so against love? It says don’t eat shellfish and pigs in the Bible and people do that. How do you just pick and choose what you want when it’s convenient for you?”

The people who ask these questions are often defensive. That means one big thing: they’re not listening to me. Regardless of what I say, all they hear is, “she’s a Christian and a hypocrite and a bigot and against gay marriage.” If I say I’m not against gay marriage, the words totally fly over their heads because they’re not listening. They’re angry and upset and on the defense.

It’s a common misconception to anyone who doesn’t understand the Bible that sexual sins doesn’t equal food regulations. It’s a hard concept for many to grasp because it does state that Jews weren’t allowed to eat shellfish and pigs and fish without scales and things that were named unclean. It was meant to keep them from doing wrong. People around them were eating all these things that they couldn’t eat. If they ate them, then they’d also hang out more with the people around them, get married to the people who lived around them, and eventually, turn away from God by worshiping other gods of the people around them. The laws were in place so the Jewish people could keep themselves separated from the people around them.

In the new Testament, when Paul was recruiting Romans and everyone else not Jewish, it was said that for the people who understood that it isn’t what goes into your body that defiles you (makes you unclean), then they could bless whatever food was put before them and eat. To those who were a bit weaker of faith and who saw that eating such foods might in some way defile them, then for them not to eat. Jesus himself said that it wasn’t what went into our bodies that defiled us because it goes in through our mouths and out the other end and cast away into nothingness. But it’s the things that come from our mouths (words and blessings and curses) that defile us because they come from the heart, for out of the heart comes evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, fornications, thefts, false witness, and blasphemies.

Sexual sins are very different from eating foods. Sex serves for two purposes: procreation and reproduction, and the joining of two into one flesh. We all know about the having babies part, but when two people become one, it’s a very different thing (spiritually speaking). It can be dangerous because people are vessels. Vessels for God and vessels for other things. Spirits can inhabit people and not in the way you see on tv and not by those kinds of possessions. Most people walk around with spirits attached to them and they don’t know it.These spirits can transfer from one person to the next. This occurs by touch. In reference to sexual sins, it’s like spiritually sexually transmitted diseases. You probably don’t know you have it and you’ll probably never show up with any of the symptoms, but you’ve been infested and invaded.

While people often associate homosexuality to being the only sexual sin, they’re very wrong. Adultery, a sexual sin, cannot occur without marriage. I totally support marriage for heterosexual couples. And in a way, that supports the presence of adultery. Without marriage, adultery wouldn’t exist. Marriage in itself is really to stop people from sinning so much. Marriage is a barrier to sexual sins because it allows two people to safely have sex inside a marriage and to have a healthy relationship because of marriage.

I’m a firm believer in marriage equality and equal rights for all people regardless of race, sex, religion, color, sexual orientation, etc, etc. I am also a very stubborn and outspoken person about things I am passionate about. I am a huge supporter of freedom because no one is going to tell me what I can and cannot do and what I can and cannot say. I do not like mass control. Not allowing gays the right to marriage or to tax breaks or to adoptions is a form of controlling the masses. It’s a form of religious control in a world where there is a supposed freedom of religion because people are imposing their beliefs and ideas of marriage upon others. It’s a form of oppression because as human beings, gays should have every right that any other person is allowed. That means freedom from hatred and violence. I also see this a lot with race and color. It’s sad that individuals want to dictate whether a person lives or dies based on their skin color or their ethnicity. No one has the right to take a life, not even their own life, in my opinion.

I’m a firm believer in letting people learn on their own. We all do bad things. Murder. Adulteries. Thefts, Fornications. False Witnesses. Blasphemies. Evil thoughts. Etc, etc. While one wrong may be judged more harshly according to the laws of man, God sees all sins as being the same. Rebellion is the same as witchcraft. Stubborness is equated to iniquity (not doing what God specifically says to do) and also to idolatry (worshiping other gods). Who would’ve ever thought that stubborness was a sin? Well, here it is, a sin. So while we’re sitting here judging homosexuals for their sins and trying to prevent them from equal rights, we ourselves are all at fault of something. No one is preventing us from getting married so why should we feel a right or an entitlement to imposing our beliefs upon others and prevent them from marriage and equal rights? It’s wrong. It’s very hypocritical and unjust.

I try very hard not to judge others for their wrong doings. I am no better than they are. I’m actually much, much worse then any one of them. I’m a firm believer in letting God decide what is right and what is wrong. My human intelligence is limited. I have no omniscience. Good and bad to me are simply words, words that changes meaning with popular culture and whatever is the in thing to do. There are many things that I think is wrong although no one else seems to have a problem with it, and many things I think is right although no one else seems to agree with me on it. Therefore, I leave people in God’s hands. Mine are not capable enough to deal with someone so precious as a life. I would mess it up. I would totally screw it all up and mess it up bad. So for all the things I don’t know and I don’t understand, I let God handle it.

Love isn’t always an easy thing. It’s not always happy and blissful. It’s harsh at times. It’s punishing at other times. It’s suffering many times over. But love is the most beautiful thing there is. It may be difficult at times, but it is encouraging and uplifting and good and hopeful. I do not understand how oppression, corruption, control, and abuse is in any way a form of love, even a form of tough love.It’s not. How can we show love with so much hatred? How can we show love with so much violence? How do we even demand that someone else cannot have the same rights as ourselves? Love isn’t taught through war. Love isn’t taught through hate. Love is compassion and kindness. Love is patience and joy.

I’m tired and I’m off to bed. I wish for world peace. Let’s all be at peace with one another.
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Posted by on April 29, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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A Conversation About God

This is a conversation between me and my good friend John about God. He gave me permission to repost his comments on Facebook here on my blog. I really liked how we both had an intelligent conversation without all the arguing that mostly comes with discussing religion. Thanks John! ^_^

  • Xao Thao That’s not true. And those reference links–one went to a Dutch YouTube page which has no consequence on the matter and the other went nowhere. New Testament documents are 99.5% accurate in relation to each other being 24,000 copies, compared to many other ancient manuscripts such as Homer’s Illiad which stands at a mere 95% accuracy out of 643 copies. Actual reference links for you: http://www.str.org/…/is-the-new-testament-text-reliable… and http://www.godandscience.org/apologetics/bibleorg.html

    About Mission & Values Ambassador Model STR Staff…
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  • Xao Thao It’s a lack of knowledge that destroys people, so has God said this very same thing and it’s proven to be true.
  • Xao Thao Not true either. Hell was created for the devil and his angels.
  • John Behrent Try this, then.

    John Behrent's photo.
  • Xao Thao Not true either. There was a reason why He flooded the world. And He didn’t kill everyone. He saved Noah and his wife, their sons and their wives.
  • Xao Thao You can throw me more memes made up by ignorant people to which the masses believe whole heartedly without reason nor actual knowledge. Popular opinion doesn’t doesn’t make something wrong right.
  • John Behrent Let’s think about this for a minute. Let’s go on the supposition that God is all-knowing, and always has been. That means that on Day One, he knew the consequences of putting the Tree of Knowledge in the garden of Eden. He knew the serpent would tempt Eve after he forbade her and Adam from eating from it. But he put it there anyway, then gave them the boot for doing what he knew they’d do. Does that really sound like something a good, kind, loving deity would do? Further, if he’s all-knowing, why did he spend so much time testing people’s faith? He knew who was loyal to him and who wasn’t, right? Or is he really imperfect and flawed?
  • John Behrent And also, I don’t care how much you want to glorify innocent sacrifice. If God is all-knowing and all-powerful, not to mention a loving deity, he’d have gotten out of his great cosmic Barcalounger and given Jesus a hand, instead of letting him be tortured to death. NO loving father let’s one of his children suffer.
  • Xao Thao It’s because people have free will and the ability to choose. Just because a parent knows that a child will choose wrong doesn’t mean that that parent doesn’t love that child. And because a good parent would discipline their children when they do wrong, it by no means mean that that parent loves their children any less. Parents allow children to make their own mistakes because that is the only way that any child will learn and grow. Free will gives independence to people. They have the ability to do what they want to do and therefore, even if a parent wanted to hold on to a child and protect them from all the wrong things in the world, that child will find ways to do them regardless. So yes, punishment is indeed needed to correct wrong behavior so that children grow up wiser and do less wrong things.
  • Xao Thao There are no innocent sacrifices. Because of Adam and Eve, all have sinned and are born in sin. Therefore, Jesus was needed as a pure and holy sacrifice because he IS God in the flesh. A loving deity is also a fierce deity that protects and is jealous. Mankind wants to mold God down to our standards so that we are able to understand Him, but He knew our inability to be anywhere close to His great magnificence and became flesh for us so He could understand us. He suffered for us. And yet, without that suffering, millions more would be damned today.
  • John Behrent Firstly, the Eden thing proves that God set Adam and Eve up. They were the Bible’s first patsies. And secondly, I don’t see how ‘allowing a child to make their own mistakes’ equates to being okay with someone else torturing your own child to death. The fact that God did nothing makes me doubt his omnipotence.
  • John Behrent Xao, look around you, really look at the world. Look at what politicians and the wealthy are doing to it, and to innocent people. Without remorse, pity, or regret. Can you really tell me we’re not damned anyway, with the state of the world? And still, God does…nothing.
  • Xao Thao The fact that mankind wrestles with God daily and in their ignorance and arrogance (seemingly, they believe they know better than Him who created them), makes me doubt why God bothers to save. However, despite my own harsh opinions of humanity, it’s done. Salvation is here for those who will accept it. We can argue God’s goodness or people believing that He does nothing while the world crumbles and rots to pieces, but it is because of US that the world is in shambles. People want to blame God for bad things that other bad people do. The Crusades is often used as a device against God saying He allowed millions to be slaughtered under His name. No, that’s not even true. The Crusades were a battle campaign created by wicked men in whose hearts were thoughts of evil continually, who under the false guise that God was their leader, sent out and persecuted Christians as their main targets out of the millions that they’ve slaughtered in cold blood. There is a Just God in heaven and believe me that He does not turn a blind eye to all the evil and wickedness of mankind. There is a Judgement Day for all and whether it satisfies you or me that “decent” people never get anything good in their lives while the wicked prosper, it is not up for us to deal out judgement. Vengeance is the Lord’s and He will repay.
  • John Behrent No, man doesn’t wrestle with God. Man wrestles against man. Why? For control. For power. For objects and titles that won’t follow them to the next world anyway. Let’s just be honest, we’re not going to agree on a lot in this conversation. I’m not even a Christian of any stripe. But I’m at peace with the fact that that’s what’s right for you. Are we cool?
  • Xao Thao We’re always cool. I thought we were having a really good conversation that I was going to copy everything down and save it. John, man wrestles with God every day when man believes that they know what God should be doing for them or for the world. We want God to do things our way when we want them to be done and then we throw a tantrum and say God is unloving when we don’t get what we want. God knows what is best for us. And it is because of this that certain things are allowed in our life and certain things are not. Suffering, yes, is allowed in all of our lives, not as a test to how much we love Him, but a test to how much He loves us that He will in all our trials and troubles, make a way out for us. We are not defeated. We are still here. And no matter how bad or sad or mad we are or the world around us is, we will overcome in Him. People don’t have to be Christians to believe in God. I always knew God existed as a little girl, growing up in a household full of shamans, and I wasn’t a Christian until 6 years ago. Everything in my life had to go exactly as they did for me to reach the point where I would choose Him. And I’ve rejected God many, many times. So many times, I can’t count. But, His great mercy saved me. And albeit, I’m not a good Christian, but I know better. Meaning I know what I should be like. Many Christians will be in hell and they will be very surprised. Being a Christian doesn’t mean conforming to a large religion that in today’s world, conforms to the world and their beliefs, but being a Christian means following Christ. People can be Christians without church, without organized religion, without all that extra mankind made mess of what Christianity should be like or should be about. I pray one day that everyone is saved, although I know that will never be true. Despite whether I like someone or not (I’m pretty antisocial and mean), it would make me happy to see less people in hell and more in heaven, even if they were supposedly my worst enemies. *hugs*
  • Wendy Booth Just gonna throw this curve ball in here…at no particular person. Religion is SO SO different than spirituality. Spirituality is just a partial experience of all-that-is. All spiritual experience is incomplete, because it is not possible to know the whole of God. I’m inclined to believe that a truly spiritual person will (understanding his/her experiences are so incomplete) very warily eye someone or something who would deem to have specific details of things he/she could not have experienced him/herself. That’s not to imply that ‘faith’ is a bad thing. But even faith should be seeded in some fact and reason. At its best moments (which are rare), religion is never more than a very DULL reflection of any God – in a tiny little mirror made by the hand of a tiny little man.
 
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Posted by on November 2, 2014 in Diary

 

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Disturbia–Not the Movie and Not the Song

What is disturbing to you?

Is it disturbing when a mother kills her own child? (http://motherswhokillchildren.blogspot.com/ and http://thoughtcatalog.com/jim-goad/2014/04/20-moms-who-killed-their-kids/ and http://abcnews.go.com/2020/infamous-cases-moms-allegedly-murder-kids/story?id=10588541)

Is it disturbing when a man attacks another man and eats his face off? (http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/05/29/naked-man-chews-other-guys-face-shot-dead-by-cops/ and http://abcnews.go.com/US/miami-face-eating-attack-lasted-18-agonizing-minutes/story?id=16458696)

Is it disturbing that monster/beast erotica is a popular trend in literature? (http://uproxx.com/gammasquad/2014/01/virginia-wade-bigfoot-porn-amazon/ and http://publishingperspectives.com/2013/10/dinosaur-erotica-seriously-oh-yes-and-it-sells/ and http://jezebel.com/forget-dinosaur-erotica-its-all-about-bigfoot-erotica-1501243455 and http://jezebel.com/women-make-bank-writing-dinosaur-erotica-1440797687 and http://theweek.com/article/index/250692/dinosaur-erotica-exists-heres-what-you-need-to-know)

Is it disturbing that many cultures around the world marry off girls as young as eight or nine years old to men old enough to be their fathers? (http://www.girlsnotbrides.org/about-child-marriage/ and http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/2011/06/child-brides/gorney-text and http://www.forwarduk.org.uk/key-issues/child-marriage and http://becauseiamagirl.ca/child-marriage and http://www.pbs.org/now/shows/341/facts.html)

Is it disturbing that 1 out of 6 people (42.6 million with 1.6 million children) live in poverty in the United States and that more than a third of those are children? (http://www.povertyusa.org/ and http://www.nclej.org/poverty-in-the-us.php and http://www.npc.umich.edu/poverty/ and )

Is it disturbing that over half a million people (roughly over 600,000) are homeless on any given night and a third of those are children? (https://www.onecpd.info/resources/documents/ahar-2013-part1.pdf and http://www.studentsagainsthunger.org/page/hhp/overview-homelessness-america and http://nationalhomeless.org/about-homelessness/)

Is it disturbing that 14% of adults in the United States (32 million) can’t read? (http://www.statisticbrain.com/number-of-american-adults-who-cant-read/ and http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/09/06/illiteracy-rate_n_3880355.html and https://www.dosomething.org/facts/11-facts-about-literacy-america)

Ever wonder if you’re the only one who feels a certain way? Ever wonder if you’re the only one who goes through a certain experience? Ever wonder if you’re alone?

Deep thinking makes my head hurt. So music helps a lot. I found this pretty cool remix of Game of Thrones by MelodySheep on YouTube called The Dragon’s Daughter. It’s interesting. It’ll help with softening the harsh things I’ve been thinking about.

And I swear to you that those who would harm you will die screaming. I am the Dragon’s daughter. You shall have a golden crown men shall tremble to behold. And I swear to you, I am the Dragon’s daughter.

What are monsters?

We usually think of human monsters as terrifying people who did monstrous things. Many names come to mind: John Wayne Gacy, Vlad the Impaler, Albert DeSalvo, Charles Manson, Jack the Ripper, the Marquis de Sade, Ted Bundy, and any number of serial killers. Many people know who the named were, infamous for their deeds while alive. Many people would include the Nazis in that list. But are any of these people really monsters? Ordinary people can do monstrous things.

What does that mean?

It means that human monsters are just like us. We are capable of all the great evil they’ve done. Many will deny that they could ever do such things–but can we really be capable of such horrific things? Yes. Human monsters are not monsters, but human. And we too, are human.

This is probably one of the most difficult posts for me to write, not because of the nature of the post, but because of the great misunderstanding that people will have because they don’t understand. How do you explain to someone that they cannot look at any single human being or at any group and believe that they are less than human no matter what they’ve done? By no means do I condone people going about doing great evil. The point of all of this is to tell everyone that we are all the same. We all have the same temptations. We all have the same thoughts. We all have the same distorted lusts. We are not alone. This post isn’t about being wicked. It is about understanding that we are not alone in our battles. Everyone is fighting the same battle that we are–the battle for our souls.

I’m an author. I write paranormal romance novels. My vampire series has sex, blood, and violence in them. It’s not that surprising to me that there is erotica in every subcategory possibly conceived to mankind. What’s the difference between vampire erotica and dinosaur erotica? What’s the difference between what I write and rape erotica? Or incest erotica? Beast erotica is superbly popular from regular animals to animal hybrids and halfbreeds that resemble humans to mythological creatures like werewolves and vampires to supernatural creatures like ghosts and demons and angels to cryptozoological monsters like bigfoot and aliens (among others).

(I’m fully aware that I’m about to put my foot in my mouth many times before this post is done. I’ll probably just end up confusing people. *frowns*)

How is it any better or more respectable that I write vampire erotica than someone who writes about incestuous relationships in their novels? Technically, vampires are all related by blood–literally. Aren’t they all pretty much related too?

Virginia Wade makes $30k a month on ebook sales writing bigfoot erotica (http://newsfeed.time.com/2014/01/17/how-to-make-money-writing-bigfoot-sex-scenes/). There’s a market for this and things like this–and what does that even mean? It means that we, as humans, have really perverted lusts and we’re really open about it.

I’m really one for saying it since I write erotica, in the sense that there’s plenty of sex in the vampire series (please remember there’s also an incredible plot that is the main focus of the series), and I feel like I’m about to get witch hunted for mentioning that we’re all very blatant with our lack of morals and ethics, but it’s not about the perversion or the lust or how much one particular fetish sells. It’s about us, as human beings, and how far we’ve come to all of this–to accepting it and to advertising and condoning it as if it’s okay. We are compromising ourselves and defending our wickedness by comparison to others which isn’t the point. The point is that we are exactly all the same. We are exactly all the same.

How do we judge other people when we’re exactly the same like them? Human monsters are ordinary people who do monstrous things and we are ordinary people capable of monstrous things. We’re not different. We’re all the same.

Vampire sex isn’t really all that bad since they’re basically humans.

Really? And that makes it okay because they’re kind of human? Have we forgotten that they drink blood and kill? (That’s a made up sentence by me as an example of an excuse. You can take out the word “vampire” and replace it with any number of other things and add any excuse you see fit.)

Do I get off on vampire porn? I get off on porn, period. This is only important because as a species, we as human beings, are preoccupied with our lust for not only sex, but for a multitude of things as long as they’re exciting and new and it feels good.

We get off on people dying. Sad to say, but it’s true. There is no book or movie or game that doesn’t involve anyone not dying. Titanic, awesome James Cameron movie that it is, would not be the same if Jack didn’t die. Almost every Disney movie kills off at least one parent and the bad guy. Disney promotes sex–something I didn’t know until now, even though I’m an avid watcher of Disney movies and cartoons and anime. A good book or movie always has someone that dies. Lots of people dying makes things great instead of simply good. How have we fallen so far that we promote sex and death and violence?

Yet, we can say that our lusts are okay and acceptable while serial killers and rapists and child molestors and terrorists and communists are evil and wicked. How do we even begin to justify ourselves while we condemn everyone else?

I don’t get it. It doesn’t make sense. How do we say it’s okay when we think of something or do something, but it’s wrong when someone else does pretty much the same thing?

But, wait. I’m not going to rape someone or molest a child or torture millions of people or impale people on stakes or any of that stuff. What’s so wrong with me reading vampire erotica and enjoying it?

Wrong is still wrong. It’s not about the amount. It’s the fact that it’s the same kind of wrong as every other wrong we think and know is wrong. There’s no middle ground. Just because the possibility of something like a vampire existing is super slim, that doesn’t make it okay to lust after one. Just because we tell one lie doesn’t make it more okay than if we’ve told hundreds of lies.

This is getting complicated. How do I effectively say what I want to say without losing everyone I’m trying to share this with? Let’s try this a bit differently.

Have you ever experienced something super horrible that made you feel like you were the only person in the world that that happened to? We’ve all been there. You’re not alone.

Have you ever thought of killing anyone? We’ve all thought of it. You’re not alone.

(It’s a quarter past 1am. I’ll finish this tomorrow, I hope. I need to sleep and my head needs to rest.)

Hm…it sounds like I’m telling people it’s okay to go out and do monstrous things. No, it’s not okay. That’s not what I’m saying. But if you’ve ever thought about such things or have had dark thoughts and desires, you’re not alone. So it’s okay to get help. From where is the question. Sighs.

I don’t think there’s any delicate way to tell people that they’re really just awful and that it’s okay that they’re terrible because they’re loved anyway. I’m pretty sure that would just mean that I’ll get slapped in the face a lot by random strangers. Not something I want to happen. And not the best way to tell someone about love, but I guess I don’t have any tact. Or a better word is manipulation. I’m awful at convincing people things. I’m terrible at explaining things. And I’m worse at trying to sell anyone anything.

If you strip away everything we’ve done–whether we think it’s good or bad–you still have a human in the midst of it. A person. An individual. No matter how saintly or corrupt we each are, we’re all still the same at our very core. And it is us, our souls, everything that we are minus the perceived good and bad that is worth saving.

Our generations are corrupted. Our generations are perverted. Our generations are disturbed.

Hell wasn’t made for humans. And although every single one of us deserves to go there–from the perceived worst to the perceived best (because there is none that is good)–we are worth saving. Every person is deserving of hell. It is because of grace that we are saved from hellfire.

The message is getting lost.

When I was young, I used to believe that the fallen angels were going to be saved. If God was good and He loves us and He also created them, why wouldn’t He love them too and save them since He is love? I was wrong. I didn’t understand back then. My understanding was clouded. Yes, God is love, but people often forget that He is also just. And most importantly, that He is not limited by our knowledge and understanding of Him. We want God to be whom and what we want Him to be and it just doesn’t work that way.

There are Christians now who still believe that the fallen angels would be saved. Just as there are Christians now who believe that in the end, every person will be saved–a sort of universal salvation.

Two days and I’m tired of writing. I’ll try it another time when I can get the right words to say what needs to be said.

 

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2014 in Diary

 

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“ordinary people can do monstrous things” — the story of Sidney Finkel, a Holocaust survivor

What is a monster? Who is a monster? Ordinary people can do monstrous things. Does that mean we are monsters? We are all capable of great evil. How do we justify someone else as evil when we can do exactly the same in their shoes? Human monsters are ordinary people just like us. By no means should we ever forget that because we can be just like them.

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Sidney (Sevek) Finkel was born in Poland in December 1931. When he was 7 years old, Germany invaded Poland and his family was forced to live in a ghetto where 20,000 Jews were crowded into only 182 buildings.  You can read Sevek’s full story in an article in a Chicago newspaper here.  Finkel is now 80 years old and for more than 15 years, he has been educating 8th graders in America on the Holocaust.

The title of my blog post today comes from a line in the Chicago newspaper article in which Sevek tells the story of his sister Ronia and her new-born baby.  An ordinary German soldier threw the baby out of a second-story window and then shot Ronia.

How does Sidney Finkel explain this monstrous behavior of the German people?  This quote is from the newspaper article:

“People want to believe the Germans were monsters,”…

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Posted by on June 24, 2014 in Diary

 

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The Lesser of Two Evils

Mankind has been dealing with morality for as long as we can remember. Is it right to cause someone the same exact pain they’ve caused us? Is it right to tell a lie if it protects someone else? Is this right? Is that right? Our concepts of right and wrong have been greatly flawed, comparing two evils most of the time and choosing what we believe is the lesser one. So what is right?

The road to hell is paved with good intentions” and “No good deed goes unpunished” are two widely known sayings that expresses our inability to grasp the understanding that our own morality is erred. Our perceptions and perspectives are colored by our experiences and our knowledge. Without an actual unbiased outside view of the entire picture and the knowledge and understanding of what the purpose is of such an event or circumstance, we only see in part. We only know in part. We, as human beings, will forever be fallible for our lack of omniscience.

The fact that we have moral implications at all describes an intelligent creature who has the ability to consider the impact of his/her actions/inactions and of the overall contribution(s) that we can inflict upon the future of not only our own selves, but on others and the world as a whole. Because we are capable of such distinctions as to the concepts of good and bad, we should have some sort of absolute moral code as a species, but why is it that our moral code exists only for ourselves and our self-righteousness?

Trust is something needed to build the base of any and all relationships. Yet, how much information do we each require from someone else as our “right to know”? And why is it that we feel such an importance in someone being honest with us by detailing specific parts of their lives with us when we have no intentions of offering up any sort of recompense of trust in return?

I talk about my life often. And everything I write has to do with my life in one form or another. It’s all me: the good, the bad, the ugly, the crazy, the super freakishly crazy, etc, etc. I’m human. I’ve made mistakes. And I don’t care to hide any of it because people will always do one of two things: they will accept you, or they will not accept you. And for all those who don’t accept me for all and everything that I am–you can always leave. I’m not short of friends in any way that I would be desperate to cling on to anyone who expects me to accept them, but can’t even repay the small favor. With that being said, I actually do offer a lot more information to people than what they really should know anyhow. I see no point in hiding things. It’s always easier to tell others exactly how it is so they won’t be surprised later on–or they won’t pretend to be surprised.

I am always thinking, always looking back, always wondering if I could’ve done something differently to help myself and someone else. I always try to believe in the hope for humanity, even when I know it’s hard to be found. And I will always talk about my friends and the people who are important to me. I do less talking of people that don’t matter and I have a difficult time letting go because I don’t believe that it’s right to just give up on others so easily. When I am frustrated, I often talk about my frustrations without specifically naming names. Just because something is past doesn’t mean that it hurts less or affects us less. And just because I speak about something doesn’t mean it has anything to do with that person in particular. It’s more to deal with the thought processes behind such circumstances and events. Most people won’t even look that far down, but it’s difficult for me to not analyze since I’m one of those crazy thinkers.

The lesser of two evils, right?

I was looking at movie trailers on YouTube today to try and figure out something to watch. I looked up Eden and doing a Google search, have found that the woman who inspired the movie and whose story was being depicted for everyone to see–the survivor of a sex-trafficking ring in the United States–is false. Not only that, but another highly profiled woman who is described in NewsWeek as the “holy saint (and sinner) of sex trafficking”, has resigned from her own non-profit organization which is reportedly helping to free children in Cambodia from the sex slave rings. What is interesting about these two women are that they have indeed done some sort of actual help in raising awareness and providing some sort of support and relief for other women, even if their stories were false and the stories of their “survivors” were also fabricated along with straight up lies to further their non-profit corporations and themselves. Does what little good that these women did get hidden by the fact that they shammed the whole world? We are all people, and I can’t begin to judge anyone for the mistakes that they’ve made, but it’s an interesting read on how the human itself will always strive to further itself along in whichever manner that benefits it. I’m sure that sentence is difficult to understand. In simpler terms, it’s interesting as to how far people–as individuals and as a whole–will strive for what they believe is right and good as long as it benefits themselves.

A closer example to home which was very recent: I spent five years in prison for aggravated identity theft and possession of credit card numbers. Anyone can look that up. Anyone can read what my judgment records from court states and pretty much any document relating to that. Someone can pull up my entire life in records and public documents and such things if they’d like. And then, they can all also make their judgments and say their two cents on my past and the mistakes I’ve made. I don’t care. It’s past. If anyone wanted to know why I actually went to prison, all they had to do was ask. Lying gets on my nerves because I don’t remember enough to lie.

Anyhow, the point is–if you’re my friend for let’s say…a number of years (like over a decade) and we’re good friends, then I offer the information to you anyway because one–it explains my disappearance for the past five years, and two–I believe you have a right to know. If you asked for details, I’d tell you details. If I told you specifically what my charges were, then why would I hide anything else? It makes no sense to me.

A used-to-be good friend of mine that I’ve known for the past almost fifteen years, said recently that he backed off from our friendship because he didn’t trust me anymore. He looked me up and linked the newspaper (yes, I’m in the newspapers from back in 2008 so go look it up) and gave me the link. I replied with, “I already told you that” about what my charges were and how long I was in prison. And he actually said, in his words, I quote: “Yes you did inform me of that. What you left out was the amount that you did. That’s where the trust issue comes into play.

Really?

The entire conversation was absurd in my opinion. I had just agreed on him being right that we should amicably part ways in our friendship and he wants to pull this self-righteous bs on me all of sudden because why?

My reply included: “Trust isn’t about, “I’ve got to share every detail of what I did wrong with you because we’re friends while you don’t offer me ANY information about your life at all”. Trust is a two-way street.” And “By the way, my entire restitution was $175.00 You don’t have to believe that. No one did anyways. But you can look it up all you like. It’s in my judgement papers from court. THAT’S how much I did.

I didn’t even bring up how his particular person threatened to find my probation officer (I’m on probation for three years) so he could try to get me into trouble by telling the PO that I was “harassing” him and also threatened to press harassment charges for my emails of which there was only two, neither one was aggravated in any way, and the last one said specifically these words and nothing more, “I hope you have a good life and whatever is your problem, I hope you figure it out and fix it. This is the last time you will hear from me. Thanks for being a good friend when you were one. Take care.

I didn’t bring up all his faults (and he had many) or the mistakes he’s made in his life. Yet, I find it ironic that he wants to be self-righteous and hypocritical on the whole, “I can’t trust you because you told me you were in prison and what for and how long, but you didn’t tell me all the details about what you did wrong.” Yet, all I got from him about the missing five year gap in our friendship was, and I quote, “I have started a new chapter in my life. Not many people will like what I have become.

Really? That’s it?

Like I said, trust is a two-way street. My life is an open book. I generally offer more information than people would care to know. I don’t expect people to be that open about their lives. But I also don’t expect the self-entitlement most people feel they have a right to know about my life that has nothing to do with them in any way, shape, or form. Anyone can ask. Don’t expect me to be kind in reply when you believe you have a right to knowledge I am offering because we’re friends.

It still astounds me. Not only him in particular and his selfish behavior, but in humanity as a whole. What is the lesser of two evils? The fact that I spent time in prison? Or the fact that it’s easier to always see another’s faults instead of our own?

And by the way, if I’m such a hardened criminal and you’re a bad-ass who threatened me–don’t be a coward later on and claim to have your Facebook and email “hacked” and claim you said none of the things that you said to me. Although I learned long ago that I’d rather let God handle all the crappy people and payback, at least own up to what you did say and have some balls to stand up and either admit you’re wrong, or continue to believe your wrong as right. I’d at least respect someone much more if they had the guts to stand behind their words.

We, as human beings, are so damn judgmental of other people. We feel entitled to their lives and all their failures and mistakes, yet, we defend ourselves with excuses and anger when anyone wants to know about our life, let alone what we did wrong in our lives. I don’t understand the trending culture with, “let’s just proclaim everyone going to hell, but we’re going to heaven” ploy. Does it make people feel better about themselves to put others down? Does it make people feel more of a sense of self-worth to know that someone else is doing horribly? Does controlling someone else brings us happiness? We are such backward creatures!

I guess it’s normal. I have plenty of excuses for people who are horrible to me, but I really want them to be better people so I stick around, trying to see them become, in my opinion, a better person to me. In reality, it’s really shame on me because I’ve compromised myself to believe in something that doesn’t exist that I knew didn’t exist.

A friend of mine, supposedly my best friend from when we were young, mooched off of me for a few years and although everyone else saw it and knew it, I defended her and didn’t believe anyone, making excuses for her because she was my best friend. She didn’t work. Didn’t drive. Didn’t own a car. Didn’t have a phone. I did everything in that friendship.  I bought her a cell phone so we could talk. I picked her up and her friends and took them everywhere. Paid every time with no hesitation whenever we went to eat out or to the movies (which was very often). I’d always call. In the two years that I paid for the service on her phone, she probably called me no more than ten times without having to repeatedly be asked by me to do so. She had no money and never even offered to contribute five dollars for gas our entire friendship, but she always found enough money to buy weed, cigarettes, and alcohol daily. We were both sick like hell this one time and I couldn’t even see straight, but she had no food so I drove to the store, bought lots of cans of soup, went to her house, and cooked us soup so we’d feel better. And she didn’t live close to me. She lived 45 minutes away. She’d ask me to come over at a certain time and when I did, she was 98% of the time not there! I’d wait in her grandmother’s house for hours and eventually, I’d leave because I’d have no idea when she was coming back. I believed in the good in her. She believes that I stayed because of the Otherworld–a place she dreams of that I can jointly enter while awake. If I wanted supernatural crazy power things from people, I wouldn’t care enough about them to do anything for them. I tried my best to be a good friend. All those years, were shame on me too.

I wonder sometimes, how people can just think of themselves. Life would be blissfully ignorant without this over-analyzing thinking thing that I do and I’ve always done it my whole life. Ponder, ponder. See how the human being tinkers and works. My life is already so complicated without the legal stuff on top of it, that I find it weird how some people can just stalk others or how some people can play endless mind games with others. My head will explode. There’s already too much going on in there, up there, that I really don’t have a lot of time for family, friends, and people in general.

Maybe if we all looked inside of ourselves and tried to be better people than we were yesterday, the world would be a better place. And maybe stop with the judging and having to be more right than someone else. I do it a lot–mainly when it comes to magic. I’m just the most arrogant person you’d meet on that topic. I don’t go foolishly challenging people to spiritual warfare. I can simply back up what I claim. A small difference in a way.

All in all, if we, as people, stop focusing so much on others and their faults and wanting to live like the people next door, maybe we can work with ourselves, inside ourselves, and realize that the best option isn’t choosing the lesser of two evils. The solution is to not choose evil at all.

(This post has gone off topic often. The cognizance of each individual human being is spectacular. It varies from person to person and no two are actually alike in thoughts, brain waves, patterns, behaviors, beliefs, etc. If I had more time, I’d be a scientist.)

 
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Posted by on June 15, 2014 in Diary

 

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Evil in the Modern Age

There’s an old Hmong man in Minnesota who killed his son and then tried to kill himself over installing cable. He’s 84 and his son was 36 years old. This happened March 29, 2014. What people didn’t know was that the old man wanted his son to pay for an international channel which showcases Hmong women in Thailand. The article can be found here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/29/pang-se-vang-kills-son-over-cable_n_5051802.html

This story may sound bizarre, but it’s a phenomenon that is recently increasing among a lot of the elderly men of this particular ethnic group. Elderly men, mostly in their sixties and up, desire to travel to Thailand to have sex with the women there. Some go as far as planning to take their sons, who have wives and children here, to that country and remarry their sons to the women there. And even with the recent deaths of American Hmongs in Thailand being poisoned by their own immediate family members who live there, this news doesn’t deter these men from doing anything that would allow them to go. This sudden obsession and rage over not being able to go to Thailand to have sex with the native Hmong women there sounds more like demonic possession than simple lust.

Is it really demonic possession?

In the late 1970’s, Hmong refugees from Thailand and Laos began a new life in the United States. Between 1977 and 1986, less than ten years, 116 Hmong men and 1 Hmong woman between the ages of 25 and 44 were found dead with no apparent cause. All the deceased were healthy with no medical history and died in their sleep. This phenomenon was investigated by the federal government and was given the name SUNDS (Sudden Unexplained Nocturnal Death Syndrome).Easily explained in the culture of the Hmongs, the cause of death was an evil spirit that suffocates the victim by sitting on the chest during sleep. An entire book written on this event can be found here: http://renincorp.org/bookshelf/hmong_sudden_unexpected.pdf and other articles can be found here: http://www.skewsme.com/hmong.html#axzz327lmCw4B and here: http://theweek.com/article/index/220269/when-dreams-kill-the-phenomenon-of-sleep-paralysis

There is something wicked working in the world today. Evil is in the works and it is not only with the Hmong, but with every ethnic group that exists. There are many questions that have no logical answers and when it’s not enough that we are left without explanations, we turn from logic to faith or the lack thereof.From the movie Constantine:

John Constantine: Detective. What if I told you that God and the devil made a wager, a kind of standing bet for the souls of all mankind?

Angela Dodson: I’d tell you to stay on your meds.

John Constantine: Humor me. No direct contact with humans. That would be the rule. Just influence. See who would win.

Angela Dodson: Okay, I’m humoring you. Why?

John Constantine: Who knows. Maybe just for the fun of it. No telling.

Angela Dodson: Oh, so it’s fun? It’s fun when a man beats his wife to death? It’s fun when a mother drowns her own baby? And you think the devil is responsible? People are evil, Mr. Constantine. People.

John Constantine: You’re right. We’re born capable of terrible things, but then sometimes something else comes along and gives us just the right nudge.

Angela Dodson: Well, this has been real educational, but… I don’t believe in the devil.

John Constantine: You should. He believes in you.

constantine

People are indeed evil, as Angela Dobson puts it, but there is also indeed a world beyond our own physical and sensory limitations that causes a tremendous effect here and mainly, it’s not for good.

What I wouldn’t give to be ignorant and blissful, but my blood and my heritage and even those I can’t get rid of betrays my knowledge of such things. There is evil in this world and that evil doesn’t necessarily manifest itself as a red man with horns, hooves, and a tail. Evil can mask itself inside of people and evil can also mask itself to seem like something it isn’t. Evil takes many forms and its appearance in the world is increasing at an alarming rate.

I overheard a conversation today about the horrific acts of different individuals. One man hired thugs to kill his friend’s wife because the friend didn’t want to lend him money. The friend’s wife actually didn’t die, called the cops, and told them that the men called her prior to coming over and trying to kill her. The cops traced the call to a pay phone outside a gas station where the men stopped to buy snacks. They were arrested and the guy who hired them to kill his friend’s wife, committed suicide.

Another man molested his daughter from a very young age and later killed himself because his wife was going to call the cops.

Another man beat his wife and when she ran out of the house screaming and yelling, he pulled off the traditional wrap around cloth she wore and she ran off naked. When the cops came, because she didn’t know any English and he did, he told the cops that she was crazy and when he wouldn’t let her out of the house naked, she started crying and ran off. He was given custody of her and disability for her “craziness”.

Although it seems unfair that I’m listing men who are wicked, there’s plenty of wickedness in women as well. I’ve talked to several women who have committed horrific criminal acts. One woman chopped her boyfriend up into pieces and sent his body parts to his mother. Another woman drove her four kids into the lake (this is a different woman from the famous Susan Smith). Another woman actually cooked her infant and served the deceased child to her husband for dinner. Another woman sexually abused and allowed other people to sexually abuse her own children. Another woman killed the elderly in a care center and then burned the place down to try and hide the truth. Evil is everywhere and it doesn’t discriminate between sexes or races or colors or wealth or status or any of the boundaries that we as human beings, put on one another.

I’m not even sure what I am trying to accomplish with this blog post. I’m still exhausted from yesterday’s events and my brain is too fried to function properly.

There’s so much wrong in today’s world. I just wish there was something right.

 

 
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Posted by on May 19, 2014 in Diary

 

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