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The “My Husband Doesn’t Need to See Your Boobs” Debate

It’s summertime. There’s lots of people half naked or mostly naked on a gorgeous beach somewhere or partying in the dusk with friends and loved ones. There’s going to be lots of legs, abs, butts, and chests all over social media in the coming months. And that’s normal. Again, it’s summertime.

If we were anything like European countries, we’d have naked people all over the place on beaches and social media, but we’re not like European countries. We’re a country of sexually repressed people who over-sexualizes men and women because seeing a naked body is, and has always been, taboo. Naked bodies are natural. People naked are natural. And yet, we’re not even talking about nakedness, we’re talking about nearly nakedness, about people in short shorts or spaghetti strap tanks because it’s hot outside. We’re talking about shirtless men and bikini clad women because it’s the beach and so on.

And some are offended because once in a while, their significant other will scroll down his Facebook feed and come across a picture of a female friend in barely nothing with shapely shoulders, deep collarbones, flat abs, and oh yeah, breasts covered with a bikini. And they will wonder if all of a sudden, their husbands and boyfriends are starting to imagine female friends in lingerie.

*sighs*

There was a blog post written in 2014 by a married woman titled, “My Husband Doesn’t Need to See Your Boobs”. Since it’s been taken off her website, it can be found here on the Internet Archive at: https://web.archive.org/web/20140612150401/http://applesandbandaidsblog.com/2014/06/11/my-husband-doesnt-need-to-see-your-boobs/

Lauren, the author, talks about how pictures of women in bikinis on the internet is a stumbling block in her marriage. Her own words below.

“I’m not writing to chastise you for posting your bikini pics from your lake outing…But I am writing to share the perspective of a woman who is fighting for her marriage. And for that reason, I want to tell you that I don’t need my husband to see your boobs…Anyways, what I’m saying is I don’t fault you…But I want to tell you that it’s a stumbling block in our marriage…Mostly I’m looking at your legs asking myself, How are there seriously people without cellulite????…And then I continue scrolling through my feed until something else seems interesting…I doubt my husband is so lucky. Actually, I know it’s next to impossible to take in images like those and erase them from his mind. Because our men are much less emotional and are much more visual. And as quickly as I can forget your picture, it is filed away in his mind, ready to be pulled back out whenever he so chooses…Again, I am not faulting you. And by no means am I faulting him. This man of mine diverts his eyes from whatever questionable images flash on the screen before him. But sometimes the temptation is too much…After Memorial Day, I noticed so much skin on social media that I half-yelled a warning to him as I ran out the door one morning. It’s summertime, honey! Beware the beach pics and half nude girls on Instagram! And like that, he was in solitary confinement from all virtual community for the next two days…Protecting his eyes, protecting his heart…I know you don’t mean anything by it. But I need to share one more thing with you…When your bare shoulders and stretchmark-less bellies and tanned legs pop up, I not only worry if my husband will linger over your picture. I worry how he will compare me to you…As I wrap myself into his arms at night, I wonder if he is seeing you there instead of my mess of a body left over from pregnancy. I wonder if he thinks I’m lazy and that I don’t take good care of myself. I wonder if he wishes I looked more like you than who I really am…And then the insecurity monster comes back to bite at our relationship again…me, begging for affirmation, and him tiring from saying the same thing over and over…Can I say it one more time? I’m not judging youBut would you, could you, keep your boobs out of my marriage? You can have your memories, and we can have our sacred hearts…”

 

I understand this. Insecurity and jealousy is a monster that rears its ugly head from time to time. I’ve been a victim to it. And I’ve allowed it to drive people around me crazy, but no more! There has to be a point in time when you shut out the criticizing voices in your head and demand, “enough is enough!” But unfortunately, some of us never reach that point. Some of us are still wondering if our husbands and boyfriends are thinking about someone else while they’re with us. And all their “I love yous” and all their “I’m committed” will mean nothing because we are afraid. We are afraid because we don’t love ourselves enough and because we don’t find ourselves worthy of our own love, we question the love that others have for us.

While I understand Lauren’s feelings, it’s also this type of perception that propels things like rape culture. It’s people saying, “Women, you need to cover up. Your shoulders are showing. Your pants are too tight. I can see your belly. You’re asking a man to rape you.” WTF? No, we’re not. A woman in a tank top because it’s hot outside isn’t asking for a man to come along and rape her. That’s not why she’s wearing a tank top. It’s damn hot outside and that’s why she wears a tank top.

I’ve always believed that you can never control another person. You can try, to no avail and much frustrations to both parties, but the only real thing you can control is your reaction to people and to situations. If people on social media in a small amount of clothing bothers you, then get off the computer and do something else. If you think your husband is staring at some female friend’s boobs on social media, then stop thinking! Even if your husband was looking at a picture of a female friend on his Facebook feed, it does not mean that he’s going to start comparing the two of you and start thinking about wanting to get with her instead. He chose you. That’s gotta mean more than your insecurities because you don’t like yourself enough. And yes, you don’t like yourself enough and that’s the real problem here. The problem isn’t your husband coming across pictures of female friends having fun at the beach in bikinis, but that you’re not ok with yourself. And having your husband reaffirm your worthiness, reaffirm your desirability, and even reaffirming his love for you isn’t going to be enough until you can learn to love yourself.

So stop comparing. Your husband isn’t comparing, only you are. So what if you think his female friends are attractive with perfect bodies? He might not even see them that way at all. One might be that annoying girl who always posts political things that he’d like to unfriend, but some of her posts might actually make sense once in a blue moon so he keeps her around. Another might be an old friend from high school that he doesn’t even talk to, but she was manager of their 20th high school reunion so she contacted him and he just never thought of unfriending her. Another might be someone who is close to one of his immediate family members like his sister or his mother so he keeps them around just in case they can’t get a hold of his sister or his mother. Whatever the reasons for him having female friends are, he has female friends and that’s ok. It doesn’t mean he’s constantly thinking about them naked or keeping them in his spank bank for private and intimate moments. It really doesn’t have to mean anything at all.

Telling him he can’t have female friends is trying to control him. Telling other females that they need to cover up is trying to control them. It’s also insulting to your husband that he’s so base, he can’t control himself when a picture of a decent looking woman pops up on his feed. It’s rape culture all over again.

Instead of worrying about how much hotter his female friends are, take a step back from your husband and think about yourself. Think about the things you like about yourself and the things you don’t like. Then try to connect the things you don’t like about yourself to the things you think he’s doing or thinking. You don’t like that you have cellulite. This one friend of his is always so tan with tone legs. So you think he’s finding her legs attractive and not yours because you don’t like your legs. But this is all just you over thinking! This is just all in your head! But you punish him for your own dislikes about yourself. Just because you don’t like your cellulite laden legs, you make a comment on how he shouldn’t be looking at female legs on the internet. He stays off the internet for two days just to make you happy because he loves you. Why does he have to suffer because you can’t love yourself? He shouldn’t and he doesn’t have to. Time and time again, he will choose you over anything and anyone else because he’s already chosen you. Let that sink in and then stop punishing him because you don’t feel good about yourself.

Lauren, like many other women, like myself, really need to get a grip on how we view ourselves and our self worth. We’ve got to stop blaming everyone else for not loving us enough or wanting to love us as how we are because we don’t love ourselves. It’s definitely going to be a work in progress, but it’s an easy start. All it takes is for you to do something nice for yourself. And nice doesn’t mean eating a piece of chocolate cake when you’re worried about your weight. Nice is a manicure. A foot massage. Anything as simple as putting on makeup or taking a shower. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. All in all, just take some time for yourself. Boyfriends and husbands are great, but you need alone time and so do they. Each one of you need time to just relax and be alone because it’s only in being alone that you can enjoy your own company and realize that you are not incomplete.

Good luck to you all.
 
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Posted by on June 18, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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The Queen of Heaven

In my dreams, there’s always a “queen of heaven”. Please note that all my dreams are horrific recurring nightmares. This has been a constant long before I accepted Christ. That’s not the point. The point is, in my awful and painful recurring nightmares, there’s a very evil and wicked woman who claims to be the queen of heaven.

Now, there’s hardly any logical thought in dreams and during lucid dreaming, there’s a slim chance that I am able to rationalize all the impossible things happening around me and to me as not being real. Pain, however, drives away all thoughts. When you’re being tortured in gruesome ways, your mind tends to disassociate. Everything stops and gets blocked out. You float a bit out of your dream body, much like you would in real life if that happened to you, and you become a spectator on the grotesque event happening to you.

I’m not strong so I run, as much as I can, which always happens to be in painfully slow motion. I’ve gone to extreme lengths to get away, inasmuch as harming myself to wake up. It’s a lucid dream so the knowledge that I’m dreaming is there, although the fear is overwhelming to the point of panic. It’s like being a caged animal. Your senses are cranked on ultra sensitivity alert. Adrenaline pumps through your veins like steroids. You’re simply just frantic and mad, doing anything and everything to get out, to wake up, to leave.

This queen of heaven watches in amusement because she haunts me and tortures me and knows that I must sleep some time, some day. I avoid her as much as I can. I avoid even the thought of her. In my dreams, all the churches are corrupted. There’s a blue book, a bible, dedicated to the queen of heaven. Churches are filled with more demons and monsters than actual people, of which I’ve never seen a real Christian in my dreams, ever.

Because of the nature of my dreams, I used to roam occult sites looking for answers. I wasn’t a Christian. I avoided Christianity. God didn’t help the nightmares. Demons in my dreams found the name Jesus to be funny. And they’d torture me more for foolishly believing that anyone or anything could help me.

New age. Metaphysical. Pagan. Occult. Kabbalah. Catholic. It’s all the same thing wrapped up in a pretty bow.

I used to not sleep out of fear. I’d stay awake with as many creepy things haunting my waking moments as they do when I’m asleep. I’m afraid of the dark for a reason. I’m afraid to be alone for a reason. I was conditioned to fear.

I pushed it all aside. Disassociated it. Pretended that it doesn’t happen. Pretended that I am safe. If I continued pretending enough, then it fades. It trickles slowly into the background, like a camera which focuses on one thing and blurs everything else out until it’s no longer there. That was the solution to my waking life, in order to have any semblance of a normal life, I disassociated the trauma, the fear, and the supernatural elsewhere. I don’t even know where now. But what about my dreams? That’s something I haven’t been able to figure out or fix yet.

I’ve come to the realization that evil exists in this world in an overwhelming capacity. Wickedness works in high places and infiltrates even into our own houses. Yep. It’s right under our noses, staring us in the face.

One of the groups I’m in on Facebook deals with magic. Their goddess is the most terrifying creepy woman ever. “Draw this sigil. Invite her into your dreams. She’s scary at first, but she gives you power and she’ll help.”

What? She’s frightening, but she’s really a cuddly teddy bear?

I never tried it. I have too many creepy women running around in my dreams already, I didn’t need another one with the thoughts of others feeding into some entity that would invade my already unbearable dreams. Who does that? I already instinctively flee from some queen of heaven creature. I didn’t need a queen of the webs to trap me in her webs. How do you even trust something that wants to kill you? It’s insanity.

For fame? For power? For the ability to say that you know magic and nothing can harm you? I don’t understand how people would enslave themselves to entities and demons and such when I’m trying to break free. Nothing, no amount of wealth or power or control would ever make me want to be a part of that or of any other like that. I am human. I will die. And so will the most powerful and the wealthiest person alive on this earth. We are mortals and we will die. And I will at least not die a slave to a beast.

The world is corrupted and corruption is right in our faces, taunting our inability to see it and to understand it.

I find it interesting that people don’t believe in the Bible. They don’t believe in God or in Jesus. Yet, they surely do know all the symbols of the devil. Wake up. All these symbols, all these gestures, all these horns and goats’ heads are not pop culture. They are not what’s cool right now. There’s an agenda behind everything. These images, these references, all these things desensitize people to evil, to the devil, to what’s bad and what’s wrong. It prepares people to be accepting of a master who requires terrifying you, humiliating you, and stripping down every last bit of humanity in you in order to make you a vessel for his own people, for demons.

People of every other religion but Christianity, and many who claim to be Christians, are using demonic symbols and gestures. But why? Surely they don’t believe in the devil because he’s a made up part of a made up religion called Christianity, right?

It boggles my mind, the sheer volume of misinformation and deception people allow themselves to believe, the ignorance of generations too entitled to freedom to realize they’re all slaves.

To see the world for what it is, to see the truth for what it is, maybe it’s so evil and corrupted that people have to disassociate themselves from it like I have to do with my dreams.

God is not a woman. God is not transgender. There is no queen of heaven. People can argue immortal gender issues all they want, as if they should know because they’ve got the inside scoop from so called experts and scientists and whomever or they’re really an immortal or whatever, but that’s the truth and it isn’t going to change. People, in their ignorance, helps to accomplish the agendas of those seeking to control and eliminate you. The world is full of wickedness. Learn the truth and wake up. I need to wake up again and stay awake.

 
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Posted by on July 8, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Silver Shackles Cover Reveal!

 

Silver Shackles

Revelations Trilogy: Book Two

by Fiona Skye

silver shackles cover

Cover image by Rachel Bostwick

Available on Amazon and in print June 15, 2015!

When you steal from faerie queens, the consequences are painful and sometimes deadly.

Were-jaguar and TV personality, Riley O’Rourke, has been looking over her shoulder ever since she stole from the Dark Queen of the Unseelie faeries. When Riley is contacted by an informant with knowledge that can blow the lid off the story of the year, she can’t pass up the opportunity to investigate. What she finds instead is something that puts her at the mercy of the Dark Queen, a creature not known for her compassion.

When Riley’s boyfriend, David, realizes she’s missing, he’ll do whatever it takes to get her back, including starting a war with the Unseelie. The balance of power among the Fae courts is shifting, and if David makes one wrong move, Riley could end up crushed in the struggle. But after being the subject of the Queens’s legendary cruelty, will there even be anything left of Riley to save?

Get Taming Shadows, Revelations Trilogy: Book One on Amazon now!


fiona skye - author photoFiona Skye is a fantasy and historical romance author, currently living in the deserts of Southern Arizona. She shares a home with her husband, two kids, three cats, and a Border Collie.

Fiona’s passion for story telling began early in life. She loved playing make-believe and inventing elaborate fantasy worlds for her friends and her to play in. At age twelve, she wrote her first short story, based on a song by a 1980s hair band. After giving it to her English teacher for editing and rewrites, she learned to love the entire writing process, and has dedicated her life since then to writing, only to be occasionally distracted by her insatiable love of yarn and crochet, and the dogged pursuit of the perfect plate of cheese enchiladas.

She counts Diana Gabaldon and Jim Butcher as her favorite authors and biggest influences. Joining these two on the list of people she would wait in queue for a week to have a coffee with are Neil Peart, Kevin Hearne, and Brandon Sanderson.

Find her at the following links:

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/fionaskyewriter
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/fionaskyewriter
Website: http://fiona-skye.com/

 

 

 
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Posted by on May 4, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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How People Who Want to Exaggerate How Torturous Prison is is Keeping Jan Marcusse Behind Bars

What pisses me off is all this cry wolf stories about how prisons are specifically discriminating against the LBGT community, which isn’t even true, is that everyone will believe it and not focus on the real questions we should be asking like why prisons are instituted in the first place, and why so many people go to prison or have extremely lengthy sentences, and why completely innocent people are behind bars today. The only people who actually might enjoy prison, would be people from the LBGT community. So many women running around with their girlfriends and so much drama because of their girlfriends. And so many women to be a girlfriend.

Anyone who knows me will know that I don’t give a damn about people’s sexual preferences. It only becomes my business when it’s constantly being flaunted in my face. And all these misleading lies about how prisons are specifically discriminating against the LBGT community and goes out of their way to torture individuals based on their sexual preference is utter falsehood. It’s people like that who try their best to lie about the truth so they can come out the hero who keeps innocent people like Janet Marcusse still locked up behind bars.

Gloria-Goodwin Killian is an advocate of women behind bars. Unlike some other self-called advocates that I know, Gloria actually does help women who are incarcerated. Gloria herself was released from prison after serving 16 years out of the 32-to life sentence that she was given for a crime that she didn’t commit. Her site, the Action Committee For Women in Prison advocates for the humane, compassionate treatment of all women behind bars. ( https://acwip.wordpress.com/who-we-are/ )

Now, this was supposed to be my happy day of playing Sims 4, but instead, I get to deal with ignorant people like below. Since it’s a post shared publicly on Facebook, it will be shared publicly here on my blog as well. It’s not the first time and it will surely not be the last time I have to deal with people of that nature.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10204277942082369 )


This is what it feels like to be in prison

Like · · Stop Notifications · Share · Yesterday

  • 20 people like this.
  • Laura Ramirez Makes me cry even more for my daughter! When will this nightmare end?

     

  • Xao Thao That’s unrealistic. You paint a picture of prison that looks like a horrible tragedy to get sympathy from others. It’s the same as people painting pictures of prisons as some wonderful rehabilitation place to get continued support for it when it’s not that either. It just is.
  • Gigi Gonzalez wow, when was this picture taken and in what country?
  • Vita Lusty Xao, fuck you.
  • Gigi Gonzalez @ Vita Lusty, I wanted to say that but I don’t think she meant what we first read. Anyway, I feel your pain.
  • Vita Lusty HAHA. It sounds like she is attacking Gloria for using a picture that portrays how she feels. If I misunderstood, I will delete the comment.
  • Xao Thao I wasn’t attacking anyone unlike the hostility Vita showed. I’m saying that it’s not realistic to portray anything in exaggeration no matter what your personal opinions of it is. It’s ignorant people who attack others. For a lack of knowledge is corruption multiplying.
  • Vita Lusty Yeah yeah, speaking with emotion and vigor is seen as ignorant. I heard that on a rape thread earlier this week when men couldn’t believe rape statistics. Emotion binds us. Gloria has every right to use a photo that depicts her feelings. Art serves that purpose.
  • Xao Thao Art serves many purposes. People can be passionate about something and advocate and fight for what they believe is right and that’s a wonderful thing. You’re defensive because you feel like I was attacking Gloria and her use of art to portray her emotions. Perhaps you have a lot of emotions about prison. If you actually read what I said, I didn’t attack anyone. Neither was I telling Gloria not to express herself. And neither have I said that Speaking with vigor and emotion is ignorance. I made a statement about the over exaggeration of subjects and topics that lead to wide misunderstandings of those subjects and topics. I said that it’s ignorant people who attack others. No matter what your defensive is, I don’t care about it because you don’t know me. Neither should you take personal offense to what I say because I don’t know you. You bring up rape as if you want me to feel sympathetic for the statistics that men do indeed get raped as well. I don’t let my emotions or what I feel make hasty decisions that I might regret later. A good balance between passion and understanding helps us to think for ourselves and not be led by other factors or other people who can too easily influence our lives.
  • Vita Lusty Sure. That is diplomatic. Sure men get raped too, of course including everyone on all issues tends to stall movement. It is like saying white people get shot too. Statistics in both cases identify a huge difference of numbers. It is better that we look at each case with a critical eye, not just a diplomatic one. As for the rest of it, I have strong feelings about prison and very strong feelings about voices stifled by opinion and criticism.
  • Xao Thao Im glad you’re out spoken. It’s good to have people fighting for those who can’t, and especially those who can’t fight because they’re stuck in the system. The world doesn’t need people attacking each other. What it needs is people who can stick together no matter what those bonds are that holds them. Diplomacy is needed for many things including being heard and taken seriously for your cause. I was given a letter once by an inmate who wanted me to publish a story in which every other word consists of the word “fuck”. Although I understood their great emotions for what was was going on and where they were at and the injustice they felt, derogatory use of language simply makes them seem uneducated and not serious to others. There was no media source that was going to print a story like that. And the same with people. It’s diplomacy that makes you sound serious to others, even if inside, you want to scream out a blazing trail of obscenities.
  • Vita Lusty There is a time and place for both. I cherish many other writers who use obscenities. Power words. Claiming “fuck” comes from uneducated mouths is outdated. Every other word … Well, yeah. That won’t read well. Either way, I am just protecting Gloria and her voice. She has been through hell. She deserves all the time to speak she wants or needs.
  • Xao Thao I’m certainly not stopping her. More people should speak, but more importantly, more people should speak truthfully. I’ve seen too many make up lies in order to gain sympathy for their ordeals. Prison is bad, but it’s not as torturous as most makes it seem. There are real issues that get lost in the midst of other people wanting their fifteen minutes of fame. I’d like for the real issues to be heard.
  • Xao Thao Derogatory language in the sense that it’s used every other word does make someone seem uneducated. I didn’t claim that only uneducated people curse. Neither did I claim that cursing makes one uneducated. Don’t read in between the lines because there’s nothing to to be read there. I’m pretty straight forward with what I say.
  • Vita Lusty I am not reading between the lines, you just seem wishy washy.
  • Xao Thao And you try to put words in my mouth that aren’t there. No harm done. I know what I said because I can say it again.
  • Vita Lusty It isn’t my intention to hijack this thread and talking around issues without ever really addressing them is a bore. Nothing comes out of it but an image you seek to maintain about yourself. Safe. Democratic. Inoffensive. And with no real point at all.
  • Xao Thao I apologize for hijacking this thread to explain. I don’t care about my image. You misunderstood my comment and I explained it. You misunderstood a lot more so I explained that too. I made more valid points than your “fuck you” ever did. Now you know. Our conversation can stop here because anything else you don’t understand, you can say so in IM if you really want to know.
  • Vita Lusty I don’t. Thanks.

 

 
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Posted by on December 8, 2014 in Janet Marcusse, Things Worth Fighting For

 

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Salvation and How it’s Not Merely a Christian Thing

Thanks to my good friend John, this journal entry is for you. ^_^

Last night, I discovered the truth about Rebecca Brown MD, author of He Came to Set the Captives Free and Prepare For War. It was disheartening because I believed what I read some odd six years ago when I was given a copy of the late 80’s published books to read.

He Came to Set the Captives Free and Prepare for War recounted the story of how Rebecca Brown, a doctor then, met with Elaine, a satanist and proclaimed bride of Satan, and saved her from the clutches of the wicked one.

My thoughts are pretty much said down below on a status post on Facebook which is below with permission from John for his comments.

Xao Thao feeling disappointed
10 hrs ·

I don’t think I can name one christian living today that is actually a real christian. It’s sad. All the things I believed in were simply exaggerated lies told by people with problems, much like myself. We all need help, but God, don’t offer it to people when you can’t fix yourself.

  • John Behrent Don’t try to be a good Christian, just try to be a good person.
    5 hrs · Unlike · 1
  • Xao Thao That defeats the whole point for me, John. However, I’ll keep trying as I go. I know I’m very far from anywhere “good”.

     

  • John Behrent Well, it may be time to look for a different point, then. Life’s all about change. We often get led in directions we don’t expect.
    2 hrs · Unlike · 1
  • Xao Thao Mortal men cannot corrupt what is holy. I like my God. Thanks.
  • John Behrent Change isn’t always about corruption. Just take it from someone who’s walked a lot of strange roads, noone can see all ends. And if your God can, he’s not giving out spoilers.
    2 hrs · Unlike · 1
  • Xao Thao It’s not about change. It’s about having something tangible to hold on to. When you don’t have anything physically real you can point to or hold on to, then it’s all about faith and believing in the impossible.I read two very old books by a Rebecca Brown MD called, “He Came to Set the Captives Free” and “Prepare for War”. They’re Christian books published in the late 80’s detailing how Rebecca Brown met and saved a “Bride of Satan” named Elaine. Satanists, as I know now instead of from back then, is a lot watered down, which probably made me believe the books even more because way back in history, people were much, much more intertwined with their faiths no matter what that faith was. You had sacrifices. I mean, seriously, no one does that anymore…to an extent. But that’s what I meant, people were passionate back then and they showed that passion through actions.Anyhow, those books were a foundation on a belief I held for a very long time, the belief that not all the lost were damned forever. Granted, I know I’m not any different from any pagan or occultist or wiccan or satanist because I know my faults and I know why I continue to sin, but there was hope that somewhere along the way, if one person could be saved through this whole event, it would be worth dying and being damned myself right now for that one person.I know that probably doesn’t even make a lot of sense, but I believed there was a reason why I I know what I know and that that knowledge could one day help someone which makes it all worth the while. Rebecca and Elaine were like me and my friend Keera. We were both delusional in our fantasies of a world beyond whichever one there was and while she lived it in her dreams, I lived it while awake because I was weird and I did weird things like that. Rebecca abused Elaine plenty, being a doctor who no longer is a doctor now, but much of their testimonies were simple fantasies created by the both of them, and oddly enough, there’s some homosexuality that comes into light in their real lives. While me and Keera didn’t spread our madness beyond ourselves, we were still mad, and for a good long while too. That was like a decade of my life there.

    There were people in my life I truly believed God wanted me to help and I did as much as I could. I remember telling someone once, “when God answers all your prayers, you can be sure that it’s God anymore”. And even with that, I held on to the belief that people were worth saving for. That is was quality over quantity. But the fact is, we all suck. We’re all the same. So what good is quality when it isn’t there to be found? There is no one person greater than the next and no one person who is much more worthy of being saved than the next. The only thing that distinguishes someone saved from someone unsaved, is that the saved person said yes to Jesus Christ. Albeit, that yes could simply just be a lie in itself as well.

    I don’t know anymore, but I do know that I’ve been everywhere else and nothing filled the empty hole inside of me. It is Christ who saved me and I’m happy with Him whether I understand anything or not. I simply wanted to see Christ in the world too, but that’s pretty much impossible.

  • Xao Thao This needs to be a journal entry.
  • John Behrent Xao, be attentive and you’ll realize that LIFE is about change.
  • Xao Thao I do change, John. I change every day. Change, however, doesn’t mean being indecisive and running after the first thing that excites you when your truths no longer work for you. Faith, to me, isn’t a fleeting fancy that I chase after anymore whenever it suits my whim. I used to do that when I was empty. I used to try and find things to fill that vast abyssal emptiness inside. I’m okay now. I’m not empty. I’m merely just a bit disappointed in myself and in humanity as a whole. And yet, I know there are still people worth saving, even those who don’t believe they can be saved. You don’t have to be a Christian to want salvation. Some simply want to be saved from the monsters that they are.
  • John Behrent That’s an interesting view of it all. Might be the start of a really insightful blog.
  • Xao Thao It is! And it’s dedicated to you! With that being said, this is all going in my blog if you have no objections. I’m always good for debates.
  • John Behrent No, that’s fine. Go ahead.
  • Xao Thao You’re awesome! Thanks!
  • John Behrent I just try to make my little corner of the world a little brighter. If I sometimes challenge all the God talk, it’s just in the name of spirited debate to encourage thought, not rudeness.
  • Xao Thao I’m abnormal. Rudeness is making fun of someone or bullying them, not questioning someone’s belief and trying to understand them or trying to make them understand that they know why they believe. I find it interesting that most people don’t even have a clue as to why they follow a certain faith. It’s kind of sad really. Just sheep to the slaughter. It’s always good to encourage thought, whether for your benefit or someone else’s.

What is very interesting is that near the end of this conversation on Facebook, I commented that salvation isn’t only for Christians, that some want to save themselves from the horrors that they are. It makes for a good blog entry, and it’s true. Salvation isn’t simply a Christian thing. Everyone wants to be saved in some way, shape, or form.

I’ll write a different post about it later. I’m about to be very busy. Later.

 

 
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Posted by on December 1, 2014 in Book Reviews, Diary

 

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Why Innocent People Like Janet Marcusse is Still Incarcerated After a Decade of Fighting for Her Freedom

Janet Marcusse is 58 years old and has spent the past decade fighting for her freedom behind federal prison walls after being falsely incarcerated, slandered, and sentenced to 25 years behind bars for a crime she didn’t commit.

Federal Prosecutors initially charged her with a “Ponzi scheme” in 2004, then switched their allegations when they were caught lying about the $7.5 million in investments to honest services fraud in which corrupt federal judge Robert Holmes Bell changed the jury instructions to advise that the government didn’t need to prove the defendants obtained any money or property or that anyone lost any money or property, basically uprooting the government’s burden to actually substantiate any evidence of the alleged crime.

After the jury voted “guilty” on the new charge, prosecutors resurrected their old, abandoned “Ponzi scheme” charge for sentencing and appeal, now lying that it was the jury who determined the Ponzi scheme to be a “fact” when the jury voted according to federal judge Bell’s jury changed instructions. Jan was given a 25-year sentence based on losses caused by others, making it an illegal sentence.

While the Sixth Circuit Court of Appeals granted permission for Jan to file a pro se brief on her own behalf, Judges William Bertelsman, Jeffrey Sutton, and John Rogers ignored it in their 2008 decision in order to agree with prosecutors the jury found a “Ponzi scheme”. When Jan challenged the decision, the panel attested her issues had been “fully considered”, causing her “convictions” to be made “final”. When Jan challenged the panel in a petition for recall of the mandate for attorney and judicial fraud, they admitted they had “declined” to consider her issues, but refused to do anything about it.

In March, 2011, in response to Jan’s collateral attack petition under §2255, Judge Bell reversed course and held “a ‘Ponzi scheme’ was not an element of any charges brought”. Judge Bell has also refused to allow Jan’s innocence claim to even be filed, as based on the previously unavailable evidence obtained from the Dept. of Justice proving IRS Agent James Flink committed perjury over at least $9 million at trial, and as based on a new Supreme Court decision repudiating the charge as amended in the jury instructions to honest services fraud.

On June 17, 2011, Michigan Gov. Rick Snyder appointed Michael Schipper as a judge for his part in successfully prosecuting this case, describing it as a “Ponzi scheme”.

On January 9, 2013, the evidence was obtained in FOIA litigation to prove a criminal fraudulent scheme was concocted at trial in which prosecutors, IRS agents, Judge Bell and defense counsel all colluded in the deliberate spoliation of Jan’s bank record evidence. They allowed her access to original bank record documents and even provided copies, except then objected to the use of these copies as defense evidence at trial as not in the bulk bank record exhibits by having removed the original documents and replaced them with the records supplied from the banks under subpoena.

The original bank records had been stolen from Jan by co-defendants Wesley and Diane Boss to conceal the evidence of their embezzlement of $1.5 million and given to the IRS. During the trial, however, prosecutors stacked the bulk bank record exhibits in boxes in front of the jury box, but first removed the original documents from them, leaving only the similar content documents provided under subpoena by the banks in the exhibits–documents to which Jan was not allowed access–a scheme which they believed allowed them to object every time Jan wanted to submit any of her copies as defense evidence as not from the bulk exhibits, acting as if she must have fabricated her evidence. This constitutes criminal activity in violation of 18 USC §§ 2,3, 2071 and 26 USC § 7214.

More information on Janet Marcusse can be found here: http://www.ipiw.com

It’s because of reasons like this MSNBC article that Janet cannot get out of prison. The media only cares about things like Kim Kardashian’s butt or someone bashing a gay person. Everyone wants to jump in and help defend false freedoms of people’s lifestyles, why not defend something or someone worth defending? Obviously, many people’s lifestyles aren’t going to be accepted.

No offense to the entire LGBT community, but unless there’s ANY truth in the lies that were told in this article by the only non-transgender female quoted, then there’s no point in the advocacy of a more wicked society in which both the government and its people are corrupted. Those who have been at Tallahassee long enough to know how it works there will know that the very last sentence in this article is the biggest lie of all. There is no “ghetto” in Tallahassee and Tallahassee was where she spent the rest of her sentence until she was released months ago.

What aggravates me is that narcissistic arrogant selfish people can get the media to believe in their lies, but I can’t get one news station, even fake news, to write an article on Jan’s false incarceration with the mountain of evidence from court documents and tax court wins and transcripts and actual facts. But one day, she will be free. No thanks to all the people who try so hard to keep her there.

Here is the article link and the actual full article below. And if anyone is interested, below all this is my email reply to the ignorant reporter who wrote this article.

http://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/lgbt-prisoners-abuse

***

Does the LGBT movement ignore inmates?
11/14/14 09:49 PM By Emma Margolin-emma.margolin@nbcuni.com

More than 20 years have passed since the Supreme Court ruled in Farmer v. Brennan that prisoners could hold prison officials accountable for “deliberate indifference” to their safety. The landmark decision, issued on June 6, 1994, affirmed a constitutional responsibility on the part of custodial officials to protect those in their custody.

Today, however, LGBT inmates – particularly transgender women of color – experience harassment, discrimination, and violence while incarcerated, as well as alarming rates of being sucked into the criminal justice system. Prisoners’ rights advocates claim that the mainstream LGBT movement, now riding high on an unprecedented streak of victories in recent years, has largely ignored this set of concerns.

On Friday, the Columbia Center for Gender and Sexuality Law held a conference to discuss the legacy of Farmer, the movement to end abuse in detention centers, and the state of health care for LGBT prisoners, among other issues. If there were any positive takeaways to draw from the event, the best that could be said – as one audience member put it – was simply that “it could be worse.”

The negatives, however, were far more resounding.

“We have LGBT people now that’s hurting, hurting now and no action is taking place,” said Troy Isaac, a former juvenile hall and state prison inmate who now works with the group Just Detention International. At 12 years-old, Isaac was raped for being “effeminate” in the shower area of a California juvenile facility. “Staff members never listened to me,” he said.

Thirty-nine percent of gay male inmates said they’d been assaulted by other prisoners in a 2008 Department of Justice report. To compare, 3.5% of heterosexual male prisoners reported being sexually victimized by other inmates.

The statistics grow more grim when talking about transgender prisoners. Sexual assault is 13 times more prevalent among transgender inmates, a 2007 survey of California correctional facilities found, with 59% of transgender respondents reporting instances of sexual assault in detention. By comparison, 4.4% of the general inmate population reported experiencing sexual assault while in a California correctional facility.

Dee Farmer

In 1989, three years into her 20-year federal sentence for credit card fraud, Dee Farmer, a transgender woman, was transferred to a maximum-security penitentiary. Despite dressing as a woman, undergoing estrogen treatments, and having silicone breast implants, Farmer was held in custody in all-male prisons. Days after being transferred to USP-Terre Haute in Indiana, Farmer was raped at knife-point by another prisoner. She then filed a quixotic lawsuit without legal counsel against the Bureau of Prisons director, regional director, and other officials, alleging that they knew she would be sexually assaulted at USP-Terre Haute due to her feminine appearance.

After losing at both the federal district and appellate levels, Farmer successfully petitioned the Supreme Court for review.

“I really, really didn’t think I had a chance of getting approved,” said Farmer, who is currently incarcerated in a West Virginia federal prison, during a November interview with Just Detention International and the ACLU. In 1994, the Supreme Court agreed to hear .5% of cases filed by indigent plaintiffs, according to the human rights groups.

The high court ended up handing down a unanimous victory for Farmer stating that prison officials had a duty under the Eighth Amendment, which prohibits cruel and unusual punishment, to protect prisoners from harm at the hands of other prisoners. In law, “deliberate indifference” occurs when a professional knows of and disregards an excessive risk to an inmate’s health or safety.

“There have been some inmates I met in my journey who have come up and gave me a hug,” said Farmer in the phone interview that organizers played at the beginning of Friday’s conference. However, she said, “the struggle for transgenderism is still very much alive and very much in need.”

For starters, transgender individuals, especially non-white women, find themselves wrapped up in the criminal justice system at disproportionate rates. In the 2011 National Transgender Discrimination Survey, 47% of black transgender respondents said they had been incarcerated “for any reason,” compared to 8.9% of the general black population.

That result is due in large part to factors that put LGBT individuals at risk of being arrested before they even reach adulthood. Data shows LGBT youth are overrepresented in the nation’s homeless population, having left home in many cases because their families didn’t accept them. Once on the street, they’re exposed to myriad dangers, including violence, sex work, and incarceration.

CeCe McDonald

Such was the experience of transgender folk hero CeCe McDonald, who, after surviving homelessness, prostitution, and one near fatal transphobic attack, served 28 months behind bars for second-degree manslaughter, a charge to which she pleaded guilty. At 23 years-old in 2011, McDonald stabbed and killed a man after he and his friends verbally and physically assaulted her.

“I ended up defending myself,” McDonald recalled on Friday, her normally ebullient voice raspy with a cold. “Of course the system did not allow me to flourish in a way where I could successfully go through the trial and actually win.”

Faced with up to 40 years for second-degree murder, McDonald pleaded guilty to a lesser charge that carried a 41-month sentence in a state men’s prison. Though the only LGBT person in her prison pod, McDonald said she was far more concerned about what the prison staff would do to her. “The reality is that staff and people who work there are more than likely to attack you,” said McDonald. “Knowing that put me on a different level of paranoia when I was in prison.”

In an attempt to hold prison officials accountable to their duties under Farmer, Congress passed the Prison Rape Elimination Act (PREA) in 2003. From that law grew a set of standards designed to eliminate sexual abuse in prison. But critics denounce the PREA regulations as far too soft on prison officials who assault inmates. “PREA is a joke,” exclaimed Evie Litwok, president of Ex-Offender Nation, during Friday’s conference. “These men could never get laid in the free world to the extent that they’re getting laid in prison,” she said of male staffers working in female jails.

Prisoners’ rights advocates have called for greater transparency within jail facilities – in particular, more cameras. They’ve also implored members of the mainstream LGBT equality movement to strengthen their connection with inmates, through advocacy or, more simply, through writing letters. They stress, however, that the only way to truly reduce the rate of prisoner abuse is to reduce the rate of mass incarceration.

“It’s hard to figure out how to work with people who have caused an enormous amount of harm, but we’re already living with them,” said the Rev. Jason Lydon, founding director of the group Black and Pink. “The rate of homicides being solved are low … Domestic violence goes on and on without police being involved. We’re already living with people causing enormous amount of harm, and prisons aren’t fixing that.”

Short of rape, there are a number of other ways in which inmates face abuse. Litwok, 63, has served a total of 20 months in federal prison for tax evasion. When she first arrived in 2009, she immediately came out as a lesbian – a move she believes subjected her to “harassment, torture, and sadism.”

Inmate.com got the word around immediately,” said Litwok to msnbc during a lunch break. “It’s like old-school telephone. That’s how we get our news.”

Within two weeks of her prison stay, the manager of Litwok’s quiet orientation unit accused her of groping other women.

“I got angry immediately because I hadn’t been involved with anybody for over ten years because of my case,” said Litwok. “I told her I wanted to see the women who accused me of that now.”

No such women were presented. Instead, Litwok was transferred to a different unit known as “The Ghetto,” the loudest most unpleasant area.

“In front of ‘The Ghetto,’ there are 20 beds for punishment called ‘The Bus Stop,” said Litwok. “You sleep under 24-hour, seven-day-a-week florescent lights that don’t go off, and you sleep next to an ice machine that crushes ice every 20 minutes. On either side of you are the bathrooms, which 150 women use … It may not be waterboarding, but it’s torture.”

Litwok stayed there for the rest of her sentence.

***

Dear Emma,

I understand your advocacy for the LGBT movement and equality for that community, but your article on LGBT inmates is largely incorrect. Do you not research as a reporter to uncover the truth instead of simply believing someone who told you something?

It all sounds very much like the criminal justice system, where hearsay can incarcerate an individual with no evidence and no substantial proof of any kind for years and a decade more for conspiracy of which the person doesn’t even know they’re committing conspiracy. The true conspiracy is the lies that the government’s witnesses have told, and in this case, perhaps your faulty sources. It’s sad that people are so blinded with ridiculous notions that it’s them against the world and that anyone who isn’t like them is against them, therein the cause of corruption and evil in this world that many will suffer for the selfishness of others.

Why not then do an actual article on how many people are incarcerated innocently? There are far greater numbers of people incarcerated that should never have been there in the first place, the majority of which are still behind bars today. And no one speaks for them because in today’s society of Hollywood and self-made reality tv stars, it’s more important to discuss whether someone’s butt is too big or whether spikes should be erected under bridges and highways to deter the homeless.

That last one aggravates me because, where does someone who has a place to sleep at night with a warm bed, a comfy blanket, and a nice home ever think of where a homeless person would go if not under bridges and along park benches when the shelters are too full. It would’ve been a better use of government resources to erect more shelters to help the homeless instead of harm them by erecting spikes so that they have nowhere to lay their head. And much like the homeless, falsely incarcerated people exist and will not simply go away if we turn the other eye and pretend not to notice.

There are innocent people in prison fighting to get out and not even the media or any reporters who still seek actual truth will listen, not even with the overwhelming evidence of corrupted federal judges, prosecutors, and civil court wins would help set someone free. Yet, everyone wants to hop on the gravy train of fighting for false freedoms in a bound and slave system worse than any third world country in the world, and no one wants to touch base on the corruption of the people who are here to serve and protect us, the very same ones who throw us behind lock and key to fatten their paychecks and please their own conceited egos of how many they can throw into America’s slave labor system.

If I was in the position to be a reporter, I’d at least fight for something worth fighting for: ivory poaching which kills and drives rhinos and elephants towards extinction, rhinos particularly; deforestation which is humanity destroying itself slowly; and people who can’t speak for themselves because the world is so corrupt that unless we’re just like them, there’s no chance for us who don’t belong to live in it.

But this is the modern age, isn’t it? And the age of technology and computers. Everyone has a Facebook and a Twitter and YouTube and followers. Perhaps one day, no thanks to all the ones who try so hard in hiding up the truth and their own wickedness, will there be a real freedom for everyone, and not simply because everyone wants to throw in their own perspective lifestyle or decisions, but a real freedom with a transparent government who is for the people instead of for themselves while riding on the backs of the people.

Have a good night.

Sincerely,
Xao Thao

 
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Posted by on November 21, 2014 in Janet Marcusse, Things Worth Fighting For

 

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The Worlds We Create

There’s a story that goes somewhere along the lines of one being left alone after family is burned in a house fire…these are the tales of people I’ve met throughout the years who have said such things, the tales of those who would later come to be known as vampires.

“And when I woke, everything was different. Everything was new.”

Is it a passing myth that to be a vampire, one must lose all their mortal families in a house fire?

The first tale was told over a decade ago by a woman who claimed to be a real vampire and not the kind that are found today strolling into goth clubs and feeding off of blood for fun. No. She claimed to be a very old vampire who have lived for centuries and has been sheltered from the modern world and all it’s technological advances…that is, if you didn’t count using the internet which was the medium in which we spoke. And of course, computers because that’s pretty modern too. Her story was one liken from The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood in which a society of wealth ruled all lower classes and subjected them to labor and servitude. She lived in a castle by the cliffs of the sea, in which vampires flew by night and her Lord and Master still uses gold coins at an exceedingly too-good-to-be-true rate of thousands of dollars for one coin. I was hooked at the time on her story and the reality that even if nothing she said was true, she believed it and had created a world of magnificence and wonder for herself that was more real than the reality in which she lived. It was her father and twin brother who had died in a mysterious house fire, and later, her Lord and Master found her and took her in, raising her as his own bride-to-be if he had not yet already had a wife and many mistresses from multiple marriages before her existence.

The second time I heard it was from a man claiming to be a vampire. His father and sister died in a house fire and he was left alone to fend for himself. How he eventually became a vampire, that part never remained with my memory, but he claimed to be a real vampire, those of old and of legends.

The third time I heard it was recently. A girl’s parents died in a house fire and left her and her twin brother alone. She didn’t claim to be a real vampire, but she played one on Second Life where I too, played a vampire with Bloodlines.

What kind of lives do we have? First lives–the ones where we are born into; second life–the ones we live inside the online SL game; past lives–the ones where we remember or are recalled during hypnosis; real lives–the ones that we have to live now at this moment in physical reality; dream lives–the ones we live inside our dreams; metaphysical lives–the ones we live in our heads, in the astral, in our imaginations, etc, etc. And that’s a noninclusive list too.

I left Facebook because of some things that were occurring at the time which wasn’t best for me and made me unhappy. So I found Second Life, which was very much like one of my favorite games, The Sims, to bring myself out of depression and excess emotions. What I found on SL was a pretty cool world that made me happy and I had fun…until I realized that people will be people, no matter where they are.

Jane was a girl I took in as a minion in SL. We roleplayed vampires for Bloodlines. I loved her a lot and treated her as a daughter. Little did I know that everything I’ve been told by her was a lie…from her age (she claimed to be 23) to her life (parents died in a house fire; no relatives; twin brother has a 7 year old daughter; brother and sister alternated months working to have a baby sitter for the daughter/niece; was dumped by her boyfriend after finding out she was pregnant with twins in real life; got back together with the boyfriend; boyfriend was leaving to Japan; had blurred relationship with an SL player who fell in love with her; dumped the boyfriend for another SL player–a different one; had bad news that one of the twin babies weren’t going to survive; brother committed suicide due to the baby’s mother leaving him (but they weren’t even together nor did they live together); was being harassed and attacked on SL from ex-boyfriend who played on SL; niece is suddenly in Japan; niece is suddenly 5 years old and the 7 year old is someone else; lives in Florida instead of the midwest; brother and sister made fake accounts because they’re paranoid; has no social accounts at all except for hotmail and skype; brother and sister were given Japanese names like Rin and Rina by American parents who were named Lorena and James)…and the list went on.

*face palms*

That’s one dramatic complicated life to keep up with. Nothing she said was true and the only answer she had for any questions asked about her true self was, “why would I lie to you? I trust you.”

*shakes head*

From where do people create such lies and do they actually believe in them?

I have to admit that I’m a lot sassier these days. Most of it stems from learning how to stand up for myself. I still fall for the trap of being manipulated by others for a certain amount of time, but I am catching on quicker and quicker to the game.

Being forced to love someone through manipulation doesn’t mean that there isn’t love there, even when there wasn’t that type of love present in the beginning. And just like that, the worlds that we create for ourselves, we begin to believe in, even if we didn’t believe it in the beginning when we created it.

I learned invaluable lessons from Facebook and Second Life. Even the most innocent seeming of people can be the most wicked and hurtful. Sad sob stories are a way of controlling people through their sympathy and relation to pain, sadness, and bad things that occur in life. Suicide threats are a way of manipulating others. It might sound harsh, but people who want to kill themselves would’ve already done so. People who cry wolf, just want the attention, as sad as that may be. Any threat is a way of manipulation, no matter how subtle or blunt the threat is.

If standing up for myself makes me a bitch, then I’d gladly take that label any day than to succumb to the will and trickery of others. I am a lot harsher these days and a lot less tolerant of abuse in that way. I cry a lot less these days than I have in the past. And I remember less and less of those that needed to be left behind for my happiness and well being. Loving someone is a great thing, but when loving someone is causing you pain, you’ve got to let them go.

Many months ago, I downloaded a bunch of pictures of an ex-best friend, her mother, and their pets to print out on nice photo paper and send to her since she was incarcerated. I knew no one else would do it and she had no other family outside of prison walls. Even though we no longer spoke, I was going to do the nice and right thing. But I realized that that nice and right thing was for her, not for me. What did I get out of someone who hurt me badly, who I trusted and loved like one of my own sisters, and who I cared for and spared nothing that I wouldn’t give or do for her? Nothing. And so, for my sake, it was best if I started to do what was nice and right for myself, which meant that I was going to have to let go of her. It’s sad that she’s not getting out until 2021, that her entire family is incarcerated, and that she’s actually a decent person and a decent friend to everyone else…but none of that matters now. I won’t go back. And for what? To repeat the same pattern all over again? No thank you.

Some things, I’m not ready to face head on yet. An ex-friend had blocked me on Facebook since June 10th. We actually weren’t friends since March or April. I haven’t been on Facebook since I started playing SL almost a month ago. I came back and saw that I was unblocked. And because I wasn’t ready to deal with all the false emotions of a love I never wanted in the first place that was returning, I blocked the person. It didn’t matter that I was happy now or that I was in love with someone else now who loves me back and gives me the kind of love and relationship that I wanted and deserved. A manipulated love by a third party that I trusted and cared for and loved made everything all the worse. That third party, I didn’t block. I learned to stand up for myself against that third party and thus, have rid myself of the manipulations and lies. But until I can figure out what to do or until I can finally let go of the ex-friend and the emotions involved, that person will remained blocked.

People manipulate others for various reasons, some of them the most idiotic. The other night, a girl commented that she was going to kill herself. Her life didn’t even warrant anything worth dying over. She had a 3 year old son that she had been fighting the state to get back for the past 2 years because she said jealous friends of family called Child Protection Services because her house was “dirty”. Aside from other things that makes no sense like her son’s adoption to people who are now expecting a child of their own…she wanted to kill herself. Being sleep deprived and cranky, after much babble trying to calm her down, I said, “Since you’re going to kill yourself, let me tell you about Jesus”. She didn’t like that and threatened that she was calm and if I attacked her with Jesus, then she’d kill herself. My point was that she was going to do it anyway so why not tell her about Jesus and save her soul? I shrugged, commented that since she’s calm now, it was cool, but that if she did see God, she should tell Him that I tried and she didn’t want to hear it. Boy did she go off about not being calm if I brought up Jesus or God. So I simply said since she was calm and good, I was done trying to convince her not to kill herself and called it a night. I find it ironic that people who threaten self harm or death are still prideful and stubborn. This is a repeated pattern in my experience with others. When people want to die, I talk about Jesus. For some reason, they stop threatening death. And I’m the crazy one for talking about Jesus. *shakes head*

In SL, when I get unsolicited IM messages for sex or friendships and relationships, I usually kill any further IMs by simply asking if the person wants to be a vampire or a lycan. For some reason, people want sex, not to join a guild or a clan. It’s ironic and amusing to me that such a simple thing such as commitment will make someone run in the opposite direction.

Do people believe the lies they tell themselves?

I don’t really know, but I’m falling asleep now. I’m still working on dispelling the lies I’ve been misled to believe about myself and my life. I like things simple. I couldn’t keep up with all the lies if I told myself such things.

This ends on an unfinished, odd note. Screw it. I’m off to bed.

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2014 in Diary, Uncategorized

 

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