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It’s All Relative

“My old friend, how have you been?” he asked me.

I shrugged. “I saved a fae. That’s about it.”

We laughed. Charly took my hand and kissed my fingers. He was always a sweet gentleman. “And how goes the world?”

I smiled at the kindness, but shook my head at the question. “The world is a mess,” I replied. “It’s different and devolving, but what can you do? They’re just mere mortals.” He nodded in agreement. “Besides, I’m more interested in how you have been. How are things here?”

He drank his tea the same as he has always taken it, a lot of grey with a bit of Earl, just a sprinkle of a fingernail or a hair to add flavor to the cup. “You’ve been gone a long while,” Charly said to me. “It’s been quiet. There hasn’t been much that has changed.”

“I think it’s good not much has changed.” I drank my tea, sweetened with a bit of honey. I didn’t drink tea like how I used to. Everything tasted better sweeter. “Even I haven’t changed that much. I’m still running away from things.”

We laughed and he shook his head. “Is it always so hard for you?” he asked me. “You deserve some bit of happiness in your life.”

“I’m working on it,” I replied. “I’m just impatient for things to get to where I want it to be. It’ll get there, eventually. The hardest things are the kinks,” I told him. He leaned in to listen. “There’s just a bit of annoyance.”

“What annoyance?” he asked. “It’s hard to imagine things irking you.”

I laughed. “Try becoming human. Everything is an annoyance then.” He chuckled. I wasn’t sure if he was ever human. From the moment I met him, he had never been to that world. “I think I’m stuck,” I began again. “It’s like a loop that keeps playing over and over again.”

“Tell me more,” Charly inquired.

“Remember Anna?”

He nodded. “How could I forget?” he asked me. “She’s still married to our best friend.”

“Yes, him.” I paused for a moment. “When they met, the three of us were dark and corrupted, terrible and horrid in our ways.” Charly grinned. He knew exactly how we were. We weren’t kind by any means. We killed and plundered and did such evil things, it was a wonder as to why we all were able to retire quite peacefully and safely in this world. “Well, when Demonico met Anna, she was sweet and innocent and unblemished. A spoiled princess she was. He was smitten from the moment he met her and he wooed her with words I’ve never heard from him ever.”

“Are you still upset about that?” His cheery brows twisted with concern.

I smiled and shook my head. “It was long ago. I’ve long moved past that now.” He nodded and I continued. “Well, the annoyance was exactly that and them and how it just replays even now. Must we all be sweet and innocent and unblemished to be protected? Sometimes I yearn for that, just someone to say they’d save me, even if I never required rescuing. It’s just the comfort of being loved enough that someone would that makes it good to hear.”

“I would save you,” Charly said.

“You did,” I replied. “And I thank you for it.”

He gave me a smile and I smiled back. He saved me long ago when my home was burned to the ground. There was nothing left but ashes and a trail of slime which led into the waters, back to from where they came out of the deep. They were beautiful with their jellied bodies and flashing blue and red lights, bio luminescent in the darkness of the night. I should’ve said something. I should’ve warned someone. I was a helpless brain dead fool who couldn’t remember herself, let alone the generations she lived in that small coastal town where everyone she grew to love grew old and died, leaving her behind.

“Anyhow, it’s different this time. The annoyances aren’t much now, only sometimes when my mind becomes frantic with frustrations and fears. I will wait to hear him say the things I want to hear when he’s ready, when he means it, and when it comes from him and from his heart. It might actually work this time, this happiness thing that eludes me so much. I might have it and I hope I do.”

“I hope you do too,” Charly told me. His expression was the same, a bit soft and sharp at the same time, but he was happy for me. “I am glad it is working out.”

I nodded. “It is working.” I was happy about it working too. Another thought came to mind. “About the fae,” I said. “She is mine. I don’t think any harm would come to her and she should very well stay out of trouble, but the moment something happens, please give me a call. I am keeping one here following her in twilight, but you know how faes are. She understands that the moment she disobeys, she will be under lock and key and a prisoner. I doubt she wants that as faes love their freedom all too much, even if it’s only an illusion.”

“There hasn’t been any accidents,” he assured me. “Mayfel will be fine.”

“And if you ever need gold, you know where I stash mine.”

He laughed. Charly didn’t need gold, ever. We all retired handsomely with enough to last us until the end of the world and beyond. “Thanks,” he answered with a smile. He paused for a moment. “Must you go so soon?”

I nodded. “If I stay longer, you know what will happen.”

“You eat the food in my fridge?” He grinned and I laughed.

“Yes! But no, really. My mind will drift and I wouldn’t be able to hold consciousness in the other place.”

“So lose consciousness,” Charly said to me. “It’s okay for you to relax a little.”

“You don’t know my life,” I replied. “Relaxing is an understatement. Losing consciousness is an understatement.” I laughed. “I have to go. There are many, many things I should do that I’m not doing. There are things I need to find again, old gods I need to be friends again with and so forth.”

“Old gods?” He wasn’t sure if I meant what he thought I meant or if I meant something else entirely. The latter was the correct one.

“The ones that can’t kill us,” I told him. “We let them be what they are. They don’t know what we are and I like it that way.”

He nodded in agreement. There was something freeing about not being noticed. “I’m sorry about not being there for you,” he told me.

I smiled and shook my head. “It’s past,” I said. “We already spoke of it.”

“I didn’t hear you.” He felt pained.

“I know,” I comforted him. “I don’t hold it against you. When I died, I didn’t die, I simply faded into the ether. He thought I died. Silly old gods and all.”

“I’m sorry you were alone.”

“Don’t be.” I got up and walked over and hugged him. “I was lonely then. I wasn’t alone.”

I despaired at the time. I was foolish and hurt at the time. I was suicidal at the time. But nothing happened. I died. He believed I died. And I sat there watching him turn back to his millions of constructs and all his human subjects whose potential apparently was greater than mine. I was glad he didn’t see me cry. I don’t remember how long I was crying. Through blurry eyes, there was a hand and I reached out for it. The man with the green eyes. He came to me when no other heard my cries.

“I’m not losing consciousness anymore,” I informed Charly with a laugh.

“Does that mean I’ll get to keep you longer?” he asked with a smile.

I shook my head. “No, it just means I have other things to do. I’ll see you soon.”

“Come again, Chao,” Charly said to me. I nodded and made a mental note to come again soonish.

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Posted by on November 30, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

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Eternal Life is Not a Gift. It is a Contract.

What is a gift?

If I gave a gift to someone, there are no strings attached, right? The meaning of a gift is that that person I’m giving it to, has done nothing to earn that gift. And they also have to do nothing in order to keep that gift. I don’t expect anything from them. I don’t expect them to be nice to me. I don’t expect them to have done something nice to me before hand. Gifts are like how we give things to strangers and part ways and forget about the good thing we’ve done. We’ll never meet them again, but we gave because we wanted to, not because they had something to offer us back.

Romans 6:23 KJV says:

“For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

I’m confused. How is eternal life a gift from God if we have to constantly be bound by rules and regulations and acts in order to retain that gift? It’s a contract, not a gift. A contract states that certain obligations have to be met in order for certain things to happen. What we’re really doing is signing a contract. We’re saying that we agree to God’s terms and we agree to live and abide by His word, and in return, we get the chance of living in heaven forever with him. It’s a chance because it’s not even a guarantee that we’ll end up in heaven. What we’re doing is signing a contract with God.

How is signing a contract the same as a gift? A gift is given with no strings attached. A gift is given primarily out of love. A contract is business. A contract is an agreement on terms of trade. A contract is not a gift. And eternal life is not a gift.Eternal life is a contract.

All in all, including all the obligations I’ve explained in an earlier post about how much stuff there is that goes into being saved that one has to do in order to be saved, you also have to give up your soul. I kind of glossed over that fact in my last post. The, “God owns your soul now and forevermore” part is part of that contract. Yep. You give up all rights to your soul. It’s even stated in the Bible what happens to your souls.

Jesus said that when people die and they go to heaven, they will be like the angels of heaven. And how are the angels of heaven, the ones that still live in heaven? Well, they play by daddy’s rules and they follow every one of daddy’s commands and essentially, they are daddy’s mindless drones that completes daddy’s tasks he sets for them. So in heaven, people will be exactly like the angels: mindless drones that do the bidding of God and his Christ.

Sounds fun, doesn’t it? I could be burning in hell or I could be a mindless drone in heaven. Which one would I rather be?

All in all, I am so lost and confused and maybe clarified on a lot of things, but the best choice I ever made to become a Christian suddenly doesn’t seem to be a good choice. And it hurts, this confusion and this pain. This annoyance with not knowing what the truth really is. Quite frankly, I don’t know if I’d trust the truth anymore if I did know it.

 
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Posted by on September 16, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Somewhere, a Caged Bird Flies Free

People are a curious thing to me. Each of them, unique. You can’t really compare people. Sure, you can take some similarities about them (physical descriptions, emotional experiences, spiritual beliefs, etc) and try and put them into categories to become mathematical statistics, but at the root of it all, each person, the whole of them, cannot be compared to another person.

I’m not much of a people person outside of immediate family members. I prefer being by myself. I prefer doing things on my own. I prefer not having the responsibility of having to account myself to another or to account another to myself. But I like to talk a lot. I guess that makes me friendly in a way, because it’s easy to talk to people. Just say hi and go from there.

This world, the people in it, I don’t understand any of it or them at all. I don’t understand their actions. I don’t understand their reasonings. I don’t understand what kind of people they are and if it’s even appropriate to call them people at all. It’s so confusing.

Everyone in this world wants love. They want happiness. They want family. They want belonging. They want freedom. They want life. They want kindness. They want help. They want pretty much the same thing as the person next to them. But who loves? And who gives happiness? And who contributes to family? Who helps others belong? Who stands up for freedom? Who protects life? Who is kind? Who helps another? None of them. And it confuses me so much because I don’t understand. Everyone, every person, wants all these things, but doesn’t help anyone else, and sometimes doesn’t even help themselves. How can the world magically shift and change and utopia be created with no one wanting to do the work or with no one putting forth the effort? It will never happen. None of it. None of these wants. None of these things. None of it will ever happen.

It’s such a simple thing in my mind, these are such simple things: to love, to give happiness, to contribute to family, to help others belong, to stand up for freedom, to protect life, to be kind, and to help others. Why is no one doing it?

Selfishness, ego, and pride, three terrible things that destroys everything good and worthwhile.

I was once asked what good things I did that helped someone else out. Did I go volunteer at the homeless shelters? Did I feed the hungry? Did I leave bags of groceries on door steps anonymously?

I’m not a people person, I said. If someone was to wait for me to suddenly be inhabited by the spirit of Mother Teresa (which will never happen as I’m against possession), then they will wait forever. It’s a strange thing, that people want an itemized list of good deeds to measure someone with. Does doing good things and having people know about them, winning awards for them, being featured on television, does all of that really make someone a good person? People should just be kinder. People do not need to win awards or have the praises of others to tell them they’re doing something good. But that’s the world today. They all just want to see. Show me what good things you’ve done. Show me.

I can’t. I can’t show awards and medals, certificates and video links, testimonies and work hours. I don’t have any of that. And I don’t want any of that. What good does any of that do me? You help someone. You tell other people about it. They praise you on what a kind, wonderful person you are. Why did you help someone? Was it to help them or was it to help yourself? The things that people do in secret will be shown outwardly in their lives. I’m not a people person, but I have plenty of friends, and my friends are happy with me and I’m ok with that.

If we didn’t live in a society of show and tell, our world would be a much better place, a kinder place with gentler people who didn’t require rigorous testing to be deemed worthy of anything at all. Every person is unique. Every person is worthy of all these things: love, happiness, family, belonging, freedom, life, kindness, and help.

People hurt. They experience such bad things. How does that not give them sympathy for others that are hurting too? How does pain harden hearts instead of softening them? I don’t understand it. We’ve all experienced disappointments. We’ve all experienced loss. We’ve all experienced abuse. We’ve all experienced bad. How do we all just draw up into our own little shells, trapped in our own little worlds, ignoring everything and everyone around us? Is our hurt that bad that we cannot comfort another from their hurt? Are we afraid of being hurt more? What is life if we stand still, trapped in a cage of our own making by the experiences we’ve gone through and all that we’ve suffered?

The past is gone. It may hurt. It may take time to heal. But it’s gone. It’s over with. And we move on, eventually. Somewhere, a caged bird flies free, whether that cage is of our own making or the entrapment of another, somewhere, a caged bird flies free, not looking back and not trying to be caged again.

 
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Posted by on July 24, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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A Thousand Years

There once was a beautiful princess who lived in a realm not seen by man. Every day, she watched the people of the Earth and wondered what it would be like to be one of them. The people of the Earth were always so busy moving to and fro with many things to do. She watched their short lives begin and end in hours for time moved very differently in the unseen realm.

One day, the princess noticed a man helping a stranger. She didn’t understand what was happening so she watched as he took the stranger into his home and cared for him. He gave the stranger clean clothes and warm food and a bed to sleep in. Intrigued by the man, she watched him for many lifetimes. He was always kind, always caring, and he helped all those around him with a smile. The princess eventually grew to love him and her desire to be human increased even more.

“Father,” the princess asked one day. “I’d like to spend a day on the earth.”

The King, great and wise that he was, looked at her with love. “The Earth isn’t like our world,” he told her. “You will know many things you do not know here, things that will cause you pain and sadness.”

The princess didn’t know what pain and sadness was. Where she lived, there was happiness and rainbows. “But Father, all I do is watch the people of the Earth from the outside. I would like to be on the inside as one of them.”

No matter what the King’s response was, the princess insisted until the King gave in to her desire. “One day, my darling. Then no more.”

The princess nodded. One day was more than enough time for her to find the man and live out a human life. “Thank you, Father!” The princess leaped for joy and hugged the King. “You will watch over me, won’t you?” she asked him. He nodded. “I can’t wait to go! I want to go now!”

In all her excitement, she had forgotten that in order to become one of the people of the Earth, she had to be born as one of them. She would no longer have her powers or her immortality. Nevertheless, the King granted her wish and gently sent the princess down to the Earth with love.

The princess was born to a very loving family with many siblings. From the beginning, being human was so strange that it was overwhelming. The poor princess cried daily at her troubles. She didn’t understand how the human body worked or why she was so lonely being separated from her father. She didn’t even remember that she was a princess. The desire to go home was so great that she had forgotten why she came to Earth in the first place.

The King, seeing his daughter’s distraught, sent her a vision in a dream. “You wanted this,” he reminded her. “One full day, no more and no less.”

Oh, how she cried her eyes out at her father’s words! She wanted to leave and she wanted to leave now, but the wise King didn’t allow her.
“You asked for this, my darling. You will have to be patient and wait it out. Remember why you wanted to come. Become human and live as one of them. Learn as one of them. Promise me.”

With a sigh, the princess conceded and said “I promise I will live and wait the day to be over.” The dream ended and the princess was very sad. She wanted to go home, but she had promised to stay.

With each passing lifetime, the princess remembered less and less of her real home. Her dreams were filled with fragments of memories. She remembered faintly of the man, but could never find him. In each life, she felt the strong desire that home wasn’t Earth. One day was the same as a thousand years. The poor princess has only lived a handful of lifetimes and must live through much more before she could return.

 
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Posted by on May 1, 2015 in Stories

 

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Halloween and Other Things

It’s Halloween and that means that every kid in America will be all dressed up in awesome costumes going trick or treating from door to door from late afternoon well into the night. At least that was the scenario when I was growing up. Door to door trick or treating now is almost unheard of. Instead, you have giant car to car gatherings, mostly organized by a church at a safely lit church parking lot, where kids dress up and go from car trunk to car trunk to get treats.

I used to trick or treat with friends and neighbors without adult supervision. We’d go all over our neighborhood and have a great time trick or treating. We didn’t worry about opened candy or being kidnapped. We didn’t worry about going into a house and never being able to come out again. Back in those days, we did fundraisers for school by going door to door alone. That was because we knew our neighbors. We actually talked to our neighbors. Granted, we didn’t know personal details about each house and each family, but we knew enough to know what kind of people they were and if we could trust them. Back then, trust was easy. It was never questioned. It was never questioned if the lone man in the blue house was some creepy pervert or that the old woman in the red brick house was really some horrid witch who ate children for her supper. Trust was a given thing in neighborhoods, even with the neighbors who didn’t like anyone at all. But in today’s world, everything is different. And trust is no longer a given. It’s a very rare thing now to have.

What is it with churches planning Halloween events? I understand the need to make settings safe for children and your entire flock, but shouldn’t Halloween not be celebrated by churches? It’s not the same as having people who celebrate Halloween that go to church. Churches celebrating Halloween gives it the okay for everyone in those churches to compromise their beliefs and add in other beliefs.

Is it hypocritical of me to even say that? I’m a Christian. I don’t celebrate Halloween (unless people want to give me candy), but I wish everyone a Happy Halloween all the time. So in essence, I’m celebrating Halloween too. I don’t want to be the kind of person who totally pretends that other people’s beliefs don’t exist, or worse, condemns people to hell for what they believe in. So is that what churches are doing, celebrating Halloween so that they don’t look like jerks?

However, being a jerk is a cool and amusing thing in today’s society. Viral videos of people being mean are the trend and sadly, there are people making videos trying to top those videos.

Insulting people, making fun of people, and bullying people isn’t a funny thing. Yet, we do it all the time. We do it in families, in friendships, in relationships and we think it’s super funny because we laugh at other people’s expenses. The saying goes, “Only I have the right to make fun of my family and tease them, but if you do it, I will hurt you“. Since when has it been okay to be mean and horrible to your family, but nice to everyone else? Worse, since when has it been okay to be upset at other people doing the same thing you’re doing to the same person you do it to? That’s hypocritical too.

I have a big family. I was very mean when I was younger. I had a lot of anger. I had a lot of unresolved issues. I get mad now when my family is being mean to one another. I get mad now when my friends do the same thing.

Rachel used to call everyone a bitch, a slut, a whore, and a multitude of other degrading things. It was the way she had always spoken to others and others accepted that about her. I tried to accept that about her too, but I eventually had to say no. It wasn’t okay to joke around and call someone names, even if all her other friends were okay with it. I wasn’t okay with it. She was very mad that I even told her to stop calling me names, but slowly, she did stop. And she stopped calling everyone else names too. She stopped allowing people to call her names as well.

Most people don’t realize that all the “jokes” and all the “harmless humor” in insulting yourself and others actually do affect you and others. Everyone starts to believe it. And while most have adapted to throw on a thick skin and pretend that words don’t hurt, they do. Name calling like that degrades people. And it makes their self esteem and self worth go down. It’s a form of manipulation hidden behind a smile and laughter. Much like many forms of manipulation hidden the same way, they all affect what we think about ourselves, how we feel about ourselves, and that if everyone else was like us and felt like us, then we’re not alone and we’re not as bad as we feel about ourselves.

What is a good medium between harmless teasing and insulting masquerading as teasing?

I don’t know. I think we all go back to that double standard that we were taught as kids that it was okay to be mean to people you care about, but to be nice to everyone else. That double standard isn’t right.

Since when is calling someone fat or chubby out of love make calling anyone else fat or chubby okay? Since when is calling someone an arrogant jerk and teasing them about it out of love make calling anyone else an arrogant jerk and teasing them about it okay? Since when are we so preoccupied with tearing other people down, tearing ourselves down, that that becomes the new normal? That it becomes the new okay? All of these things that we do, all the insulting and teasing and bullying are tearing people’s self esteem and self worth down, whether we love them or not, whether they’re family or not, whether they’re our best friend or not. It’s not okay. It’s not okay to hurt others and ourselves.

I’m off on a tangent here.

I missed the good old days when things were easier and nothing was so blurred that it’s hypocritical religious political societal bs.

 
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Posted by on October 31, 2014 in Diary

 

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Simple Goals I Want To Accomplish With My Life

There are three things I want to do with my life:

1. Write and publish my stories for the world to enjoy
2. Have an art gallery showcasing my artwork
3. Design, make, and sell my own line of clothing

So far, I’m accomplishing one of the three. I’ve published three novels already with a fourth coming soon. There are many novels I am wanting to finish and publish. There is much to share. I am also working on being a better artist although I can’t seem to find a style since my style changes with my mood (which is often). And I’ll work on the last one when I at least get the second one started. I already have designs drawn out. I know what I like and what I design will be what fits me best. I would like to design for others (women) and make clothing that flatter their bodies and is tailored to fit them perfectly. Right now, I have three different concepts I can rework each design to fit: classy, edgy, and glamorous.

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2014 in Diary

 

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The Turning Vampire Series Origins, Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga, and God in the Midst of It

Today, I want to talk a bit about my books, The Turning vampire series, about Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight saga, a bit about how God is involved, and I want to answer some of the comments made by readers who’ve read The Turning.

I wrote The Turning vampire series back in 2009 when I had a lot of free time and there was all the hype about Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight books. I read Twilight and I liked it. I read New Moon and it was okay. At the end, when the perspectives changed from Bella to Jacob, I totally got lost and didn’t like it at all. I scanned through Eclipse and the humungous end book, Breaking Dawn, but I didn’t read them thoroughly as I did the first book. I actually stopped reading halfway through Eclipse. I didn’t understand why there needed to be a change in perspectives. For two whole books, the point of view had always been Bella’s in first person. Why change it now? Jacob was in Twilight. Why not had his point of view inserted from the beginning? And Jacob isn’t even the “hero” of the book. Bella’s the damsel in distress and Edward is supposed to be the hero, so why not had Edward’s point of view instead? It was all too confusing. And from there, I wanted to read a vampire series that was better than Twilight. Since I couldn’t find one, I created my own.

The Turning vampire series isn’t Twilight fan fiction. It’s not based on the unrealistic world of Twilight and their sparkly vampires. No. It’s better in many ways that Twilight can’t even touch on. I started out wanting to write something better, and what I ended up with was a world where characters wrote their own stories and taught me lessons on life and love and on being human.

Marisa starts out a bit like Bella, because my idea was that I could have a main character like Bella, but only so much better. I was horribly arrogant at the time that I wrote The Turning and I have to say that I didn’t really create Marisa–she created herself. I made her shy and awkward, but she quickly taught me that she wasn’t Bella and she was her own person. She wasn’t afraid of life. She was afraid of being alone, like she always had been. And that loneliness was the only thing that made her shy and awkward. If not for that, she would’ve found a way to conquer the world without being a vampire.

The Turning vampire series spans a total of ten books written between 2009 and 2012. The first four books were written in one month, each 300+ page book taking a total of a week to write longhand because all I did was eat, sleep for a few hours, and write all day, every day. My first drafts were insane. When I get really excited, I write very, very super tiny. The most I can fit into one regular ruled line on notebook paper is nine lines–nine sentences! (I will scan and upload an image of my longhand writing for everyone to see! Below, is a different story I wrote on unlined paper. It is 246 lines on regular 8 1/2″ by 11″ printer paper. And yes, I can read my own handwriting, even something that small. ^_^ )

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It was incredible to have written these books. I couldn’t have done it on my own. And I credited God to actually being the one who wrote the series. Most Christians tell me that God doesn’t write vampire novels. And I tell them that they underestimate the power of God. He created everything. Vampire novels are not more powerful than God that He can’t write them. I am a Christian. And although unexpected, The Turning vampire series does have remnants of Christianity inserted into them. It’s not intentional. I don’t categorize the series as being Christian and I don’t market it as a Christian romance novel. (It’s actually more erotica once you hit the second novel. And apparently, sex is taboo for Christians because you will not find Christian erotica anywhere! *lol* ^_^ )

The books were not meant to be categorized into something that makes people read them and find it an ideal way to believe, or worse, to worship them. I don’t have better words at the moment to express my feelings. I think they can be summed up in the underlying theme of the series and of how The Turning vampire novels taught me what humanity is like through the eyes of monsters: we all have great evil in us and we all will fail at one point in time or another to that darkness, but what makes us human is the ability to overcome that, in even the smallest measurement of simply living and continuing to live in love with ourselves and with each other.

I’m sure many people don’t understand that sentence, as I’m not totally sure I understand all of it myself, but The Turning vampire series is a story, a world I was blessed to see and capture in words to share. If people can learn something from the novels that helps them better themselves and their lives, then I’m happy for that. But, the novels themselves are not something that people should look towards to find God in because there’s only one book where we can find Him: the Bible. I don’t want people to misunderstand the reasons of me saying that God wrote the vampire books because He did, but people should not worship a creation instead of the Creator. It is wrong.

Back to my novels. ^_^

Whereas Twilight taught young girls and women how important it was to have a boyfriend and do everything for him, The Turning taught people how important it was to have a family and to protect them.

Marisa lost her parents in a horrible car accident where she almost died too. In a flash, her whole world changed. Although her relationship with her parents were by no means the Brady bunch, she’s a young girl who has some issues of her own like any other normal teenager. And what she wanted most wasn’t a boyfriend, but a family and a place where she belonged.

When she met the Arromanovokzjas, the vampire brothers, she wasn’t some human who mysteriously won the vampire lotto for being picked to fall in love with instead of becoming food–she was a vampire, but one not yet turned. Their interest in her wasn’t that she needed someone to save her from her miserable, boring, mundane life, but that she could become a threat at any time to the humans in the town where they lived. A vampire’s turning was considered a most dangerous event in which the one who is being turned is potentially more dangerous than the ones already turned. Their interest in her was to keep the town safe and to keep her from killing everyone, at the risk of their own lives. Every vampire’s turning is different with two things in common: death and blood, and Marisa’s turning was going to be no exception. But knowing that she had no one else alive and no idea of the life she was going to have to lead, they made the decision to save a whole town for the greater good by asking her to join them so they can watch over her turning.

Marisa is by no means the helpless damsel in distress. Impatient for someone to save her, she does most things by herself, even if she ends up making things much worse than they were before. But no matter how many times she’s fallen and she’s given up, she gets back up and she fights. She doesn’t fight to save Alessander, the oldest, whom she loves. She fights to keep the new family that she became a part of. The only reason why Marisa even considered romantic love was because love was the only bond stronger than the bond formed between a vampire and their Maker, the one who turned them. And in order for the vampire who left her for dead to believe that she is dead, she had to form a bond strong enough to not call her Maker to her.

One of the things that I didn’t like about Twilight was how it approached the subject matter of love. It is a romance novel and I’ve actually read more than enough romance novels who do this same exact thing–they teach people that love is an automatic feeling between two people who don’t even know each other. Love is far from that.

Marisa doesn’t automatically fall irrevocably in love with a vampire because he’s so mysterious and he ignores her like how Bella fell in love with Edward, which makes no sense at all because he totally ignored her and Bella became a crazy stalker who gets kind of creepy and waits for him even when he doesn’t show up at school. That’s not love. That’s obsession. It’s unhealthy. It’s ridiculous to teach girls that it’s okay to throw yourself at a guy who doesn’t want you, even if deep down inside, he really does but he doesn’t show it. That’s like telling people in abusive relationships that it’s okay to stay and be abused because their significant other really loves them. That is the worse thing to teach girls and women and it’s sad that many, many romance novels repeat this theme over and over again. That is not love. And it is not an okay way to treat people, men and women alike.

Marisa made a choice to fall in love and that choice was to save them all from a threat bigger than a turning–the Streigos. (The Streigos are a different type of vampire that have actual gargoyle like bodies and wings. They’re what vampires call “monsters”.) She doesn’t take a look at Alessander and thinks he’s sexy so she wants to be with him. No. That’s ridiculous. She doesn’t even know him!

Alessander taught Marisa about love and boundaries, something that many people need to know about. She needed a way to stop the automatic linking between her and the Streigos who killed her first family to stop him from killing the new family that she now had. And romantic love in all its awesomeness was something stronger than that link. She chose to love Alessander, albeit, she’s a bit wrong in her approach because she doesn’t think things through, but she made the choice after considering all three of her brothers–Alessander, Demetri, and Ra’vin. She didn’t blindly fall in love, she considered her options and chose what was best for her and her family.

Love doesn’t work for most people because people have an unrealistic expectation of what love is. That unrealistic expectation is that there’s an automatic attraction and feeling that will last them through decades of marriage. Love isn’t a feeling. Love is a choice. We choose to love someone. And that choice is what carries us through decades of commitment and honor and working together on a relationship.

One of the things that my readers have commented on was the dynamics of the switch in personalities between Alessander and Demetri. One moment, either one of them can be dark and brooding and the next moment, either one of them can be happy and nice. It was commented that their personalities mixed in too much with each other and they didn’t distinguish themselves as being one-dimensional (either dark and brooding or friendly and happy for example).

Granted, Demetri made the attempt to be nice to Marisa which led him to actually getting to know her. In letting down his walls, he became a better person towards her. But, in defense of Alessander and Demetri and their changing characteristics, I honestly don’t know a single person that is one-dimensional. I’ve never met or known a single person who is so miserable all of the time that everything around them dripped in the excruciating pain of their misery. Or I’ve never met and known a single person who was happy and cheerful all of the time despite how horrible their circumstances may be. Real people are not one-dimensional characters. They have weaknesses and flaws and the Arromanovokzjas are no exception. Their personalities are multifaceted and they have weaknesses and flaws as well.

Ra’vin isn’t even happy all of the time. His personality is only stable because he’s young and Alessander made that known to Marisa when they made the choice to watch over her turning. He specifically told her the reason why Ra’vin was the way that he was–optimistic and hopeful, and it was because while Ra’vin hopes in a future that is bright, Alessander and Demetri have lived and seen human suffering and seen wars and death and blood and they know the truth that hope is a luxury for the young who can afford it because they have not yet suffered the truth of the reality that life is not always kind. And that is the reason why Ra’vin is hopeful and optimistic and almost childlike in his ways. Alessander and Demetri have shielded him from both the vampire world and the human world so what he knows is limited to their love and protection of him.

I also understand that there is confusion where Marisa has the hallucinations that look like Alessander and Demetri, but they aren’t her brothers. The Turning vampire series was all written in first person through Marisa’s point of view. It was written in a specific way so that the reader understands what she understands. With that being said, she doesn’t understand why these things are happening to her. She doesn’t understand how she learned how to stop time if the real Alessander and Demetri didn’t teach her that. The hallucinations play a pretty big role in the story and their roles will be revealed later on as Marisa progresses in her life’s journey. As she comes to understand their meaning and why they’re there with her, the reader then also understands and can look back and connect to all the times that things were confusing and can see how all of it makes perfect sense.

I want to say that I am not smart enough to link something in the first novel, The Turning, to something two or three books down the series because I really would’ve forgotten about it by then. My memory is terrible.

Spoiler alert: there’s one sentence that Marisa comments to Mrs. Brukenheimer during her enrollment at school that I overlooked and didn’t realize had any meaning at all until around the sixth novel being written where it mentions the significance of that one sentence. When asked if Marisa had any family, she commented that her grandparents have died on both sides of the family and she was an only child. She remarked that she had an aunt Margaret who is somewhere in Africa, trying to convert the local natives to Christianity and she’s never seen or heard from this aunt since she was born. Margaret shows up somewhere around maybe book five (Knotted Remains)? I’m not sure, but she’s definitely in the sixth novel (Shadow War–coming soon although I’m typing up the fourth one, Loose Ends, into the computer now). When Marisa made that comment and I wrote it down, I was unaware of the importance of what she she said. I presumed it was just some casual way of trying to not get in trouble while wanting to get her high school diploma, but there were forces at work that day to initiate and prepare a remarkable story that I didn’t even know about when I started writing the novels.

I’m revealing this spoiler because I honestly cannot take credit for the incredible world of vampires in this series. I started writing with the intention of creating something I wanted to read, and instead, I was given the opportunity to see a world and to chronicle it not only for myself, but for others to enjoy too. In the end, everything will make sense and for all the people who’ve read The Turning and might’ve been confused as to Marisa’s kind of schizo personality and hallucinations, the end takes everything from the beginning and shows the reader exactly why things happened and for what reasons they happened. The series has a complete ending and I didn’t know that when I was writing the books. I actually wrote, not knowing where the stories were heading or if there was any meaning to anything or an explanation to it all. I was pleasantly surprised that at the very end of it all, everything came together and connected and it all made sense. All my questions (conscious and unconscious) were answered. Not that I’m telling everyone they have to read all ten books to understand what’s going on, but like in life when we don’t understand something, with time, we may come to an understanding of that something once not understood. I’m sure I didn’t make sense there at all! ^_^

Everything that happens in the novels have significance and meaning. I didn’t know that when I wrote them down. The reader doesn’t get to see parts of any of the characters’ past to fill up space and stretch the books to almost 400 hundred pages for no reason. Everything that Marisa learns about her brothers, the vampires, the Nosferatu, the intruders–Heidrick, Anastasia, and Vasila, her new parents–Lillian and Maxwell, the memories of her own past, all have meaning and connections that I didn’t see or think about when I wrote the stories. And all these connections and all these things that makes sense many books later on and ties everything into what I believe is pretty much one big epic fantasy story, is the reason why I believe I truly had help writing this series. I couldn’t have done it without God so my thanks is always to Him first. He is really the one who wrote these books. It wouldn’t have been possible without Him.

It was an incredible pleasure for me to write The Turning vampire series. This isn’t because I’m some awesome author who will be the next famous multimillionaire when people discover how great my novels are, but it’s because I take great joy in these books that has taught me about myself and about many things in life. I really love the characters and their stories and the greatest joy that I have in publishing the series is to share Marisa and her brothers and my love for them with the entire world. That is what makes me happy, that Marisa’s story is told and that people love something that I love as much as I love it. ^_^

Thank you to all the people who read this incredibly long post. And to everyone who has read The Turning or books two and three in the series, Blood Lust and Masquerade, I am proud to share this incredible story and this amazing world with you. Thank you for taking the time to join Marisa and her brothers on their journeys.

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Posted by on May 12, 2014 in Book Reviews

 

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