RSS

Tag Archives: relationships

The Great Love Affair That Never Was

When my friend says that she hates to see me lose my connection to Jesus…

I’ve never been very good at lying with important things.

I wish I still had the stupid optimism that God cared and that somewhere, somehow, he was working it all out for me for my good like the Bible says. I can paraphrase scripture quite well, but to feel God’s presence, I haven’t felt it in a long while now and I wonder if I’ve ever felt it in the first place. Maybe I was just delusional in my love for God, except now, I don’t think it matters anymore.

I used to miss Him so much. I used to love Him so much also. God was everything for me for a while. I couldn’t wait to finish this life just so I could be in His presence. I thought God would save me. I thought that in all the religions in all the world, if everyone was so against God, then there must really be a God and they’re all afraid of Him. He must be the only real thing. And I believed. I didn’t believe Jesus to begin with, but if Jesus was God and I believed in God, then I believed in Jesus as well too as Jesus was and is God. And so I stuck with it. I found something that filled the empty hole in my heart, that plugged up the yearning I had for something more, for a life with meaning and purpose.

I had always been involved with the supernatural and with magic, no matter how much I avoided it or tried to ignore it. It was a recurring theme in my life from childhood and even now. Now, I hardly do anything magical. I simply have bad dreams, give no more thoughts to them, and keep moving. God didn’t take away my bad dreams, even after I got baptized. Things in my dreams would taunt me and hurt me because I was so in love with God and Jesus. It would be worse. It didn’t get better. And demons didn’t flee at the name of Jesus. It made me wonder if I even had the right Jesus and not some guy named Jesus (Hey-Seuss). The only change that came from me giving my life to God was that I didn’t feel the emptiness in my heart anymore. I feel it now. I just ignore it. That emptiness, that hopelessness, yeah, it’s all there again.

I lost my faith in God after realizing one day that God didn’t love me. He didn’t want heathens and people who converted. We weren’t his first choice. We were never his choice. We were only a substitute for the Jews that He loved, the Jews that He tried to provoke to jealousy through giving us some of His great love. We were just an afterthought. And if the Jews weren’t such stuck up and self centered jerks, if they loved God like how He loved them, then none of us, no one would’ve been saved. We are at best, second in God’s great love, and at worst, we are just a tool to be used and manipulated by God to create what He wanted. I had no answers. God gave me no answers. And thus, I spiraled downward, wanting to know why I wasn’t as loved as I thought I was, or worse, why I wasn’t even loved at all.

Rachel, the girl with the tattoos who came with her mother and her mother got sent away, the one I called my best friend at one time and the one who calls herself Zim…I thought God wanted me to be nice to them and take care of them. And because I’m a horrible person, I told them that. I told them that I was only good to them because God wanted me to be. And I believed that. I couldn’t stand either mom or daughter, yet, I grew to love Zim because she reminded me so much of my idiotic wayward goth and rebellious little sister that I left behind. The were about the same age. I loved Zim like my sister. Sure, I was possessive, but there has never once been an instance in my entire life where I wanted to be gay. Never ever. And her mom got put in the shu and she would go out every day and yell for her mom. And every day, I would pray to God that she didn’t get caught so she didn’t end up in the shu either. And no matter how long Zim stayed at the window of the shu, talking to her mom, she never got caught. I was happy my prayers worked. And then one day, I said something to Zim that I didn’t even realize the truth of. I told her that if every prayer I prayed was answered by God, then it probably wasn’t God who answered my prayers. It was probably something else. And that’s the truth of it. I don’t think God was anywhere at all. It was something else pretending to be God for me. Something else wanting me to be foolishly and blindly follow in the name of god’s will when it was never God to begin with.

And isn’t that the story of men? We follow the will of God and commit atrocities. Through blind faith and vigilance, we killed and slaughtered and pillaged and burned and crucified and hurt. Perhaps it was never God that spoke to any of us at all, for I am reminded of one truth from the Bible, “This world belongs to him, the prince of the air, for he is the prince of this world”. The devil is the prince of this world and he owns it, therefore, until Jesus comes back to take this world after the tribulation, we are all servants of the devil.

I used to like the occult. All that stuff: magic, tarot cards, spirits, the dead, demons, visions, the future, etc, etc, I used to be interested in it and I used to search for it. I used go to psychics for readings and was the jerk who read them and told them they abused whatever ability they had so I was going to take it. I was the jerk who would mess with psychics hours on end just to laugh at them because there was nothing that anyone could tell me that I didn’t already know about my own future. Only idiots allowed other people, not very good ones at that, to determine their fates. Me? I decided my own fate always. I was the jerk that witches pleaded with to leave them alone because they were afraid of me. I was the jerk who pulled demons out of little kids and stuck them inside the flesh and blood vessels of others who had at least some 25 years left to their short lifespan.

I was a horrible jerk all around and I didn’t care because there wasn’t a meaning to life and none of this mattered. Invisible worlds. Invisible things. Stupid people who thought I could control the elements and worse, control demons—none of that mattered. It didn’t give me meaning to life. It didn’t tell me why in the world I was stuck here carrying around this slowly decaying carcass of rot. It didn’t kill me any faster.

God made it mattered once. Once long ago when I loved Him. And I resent Him for that glimmer of hope, for that idiotic vision of something holy and wonderful. My curse words have gone from fuck to Jesus Christ. It’s blasphemous, I’m sure, but it’s not intentional. It wasn’t as if I hated God enough that I started replacing my curse words with the name of Christ. Maybe on the inside, I hated God enough that I started replacing my curse words with the name Christ. It’s been a recurrent habit I need to break since hating God would waste too much energy spent for nothing. It only started after God and I had a misunderstanding and His silence isn’t an acceptable answer. Of course, I’m not entitled for an answer, and I used to get upset about that, but I don’t really care anymore. An answer. No answer. Silence. It’s all the same thing. Just the shadow of a supposedly loving God being His lovingly self.

Going back on topic to magic and the occult and the supernatural and tarot and such things, I used to care for them. I used to seek power. I used to crave knowledge. Now? I’m old. I’ve retired. I don’t care if the world ends today or if demons appear. I don’t care if I live or if I die. I don’t make a difference. I’m weary of this place. I’m even more weary of the other places, places I used to go hide and play in because this place is more annoying than having to sit through an opera of fat singers whose voices can shatter my ear drums. I have great disdain for this world and for all in it. It’s similar to a boil that festers and bubbles and hurts and pops with disgusting yellow green pus that smells like week old fish and boiled eggs soaking up the sun’s rays in the middle of a heap of reeking trash decomposing on the back of an overcrowded boat somewhere very close to the equator on summer solstice, the longest and hottest day of the year. I don’t care for magic and such frivolous shiny things anymore.

I’m not interested in dying gods on dying worlds saved by traveling mortal men (Angelus). Nor am I interested in horned gods who pretty much violate and rape unsuspecting and unwilling women and call that a tribute worthy of a favor (Ceros). I’m not interested in sacrificing virgins (as if such a thing even exists outside of very young children or infants). I’m not interested in the power plays of summer and winter courts (the faes). I’m not interested in blue wolves (Shaar) or demons (Az and Yaar and others). I’m not interested in pulling demons from people (too many idiots to name). I’m not interested in the others (the green eyed monster, etc) and I’m definitely not interested in my dreams anymore or why I have them (I’m looking at you, Death, and the various many ways I suffer and die in the dream world). I’m not even really interested in zombies nor vampires nor dragons and unicorns. There’s only one thing I’m interested in and it has nothing to do with magic or the occult or religion or spirituality at all. And that is a very long road ahead.

The love I had for God, of wanting to be the perfect Christian, the perfect wife, the perfect sexless humanoid angelic like being in the afterlife and whatever other things I believed in, it was all delusion. I am happy for people who believe in such things and I wish them all the best with whatever prayers I still have left in me to pray with, but it’s not for me anymore. Christianity was never meant to be for me. I tried it. It fit perfectly. And then I came out worse for wear because of it. I became someone else I wasn’t. I became this unblemished image of something so unattainable that the higher I climbed to reach it, the farther I fell, and the harder I hit the ground. The more broken I became. No one fixed me. I had to either fix myself or simply break to pieces.

I am not miserable. Rather, I am old and weary and I don’t care for the vapidness of this world or this place or this journey we call life or what comes after it or whatever happens to any other life that exists outside of my own since we’re all in the same boat anyhow. My bones creak. My mind is fraying at the edges. My heart is bleeding dry. I am tired. I don’t understand how many people can’t seem to understand that. They think I hate the world because I’m miserable. No, I hate the world because it’s full of stupid people and I don’t have the patience to deal with anyone’s stupidity or butt hurt feelings. I’m perfectly fine in my feebleness. Everyone else is helter skelter.

I don’t think God is for me. We will see. I don’t expect anything. Expecting things just makes you disappointed when things you hope for don’t happen.

Advertisements
 
2 Comments

Posted by on December 28, 2016 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , ,

Life Lessons From High School

There was this tiny goth girl named Stephanie that I used to know in high school. She hated me. She thought I dated her ex-boyfriend, Tim, because we were always together. Tim and I were good friends. We were smart enough to pass our classes without actually paying attention, so we did whatever we wanted.

Stephanie and I actually became good friends later. I admit that I hated certain things because she liked them, like SpongeBob and this tall, super pale, probably only 100 pound emo goth vampire wannabe named Jay. -.-

Before Stephanie and I became good friends, I met a girl named Keera at Jay’s house. We were both tricked into going there. Keera thought she was going to the movies and my friend Will was supposed to be taking me home after school. Instead, he took me and Stephanie there.

Keera didn’t like Stephanie. The only thing Keera and I had in common was that we both didn’t like the same girl. As to why I didn’t like Stephanie, I don’t really know. I didn’t like a lot of people back then, even less now, but Keera and I bonded over our mutual annoyance at being tricked and at our mutual dislike of a girl whom everyone liked and we didn’t understand why.

Keera always talked bad about Stephanie. I usually just went along and listened, not stopping her from ranting. I was older than everyone. Stephanie was sixteen or seventeen and Keera was a year younger than her. On and on, we’d talk bad about a girl we didn’t even know, a girl we disliked for absolutely no damn reason at all.

Stephanie had a bad home life. She got a job at Dunkin’ Donuts and worked hard. She eventually got a car and moved out of her parents’ house.

I remember how Keera used to make fun of Stephanie and her job. It was odd to me because Keera never had a job, didn’t want to work, smoked weed and drank and smoke cigarettes, and had no foreseeable future, but Stephanie had a future and she was working hard toward that future. It was silly for someone who did nothing nothing to improve their life to make fun of someone who was trying very hard to improve their life.

Stephanie and I became close friends after I finally dispelled her relationship thoughts of me and Tim. She trusted me with her secrets. We swore to be sisters. And when I couldn’t hold my end to always protect her, I gave her protection over to Ganesh, the elephant god she adored.

Unhappy people sucks your life and makes you unhappy too. I should’ve seen the warning signs. Unhappy people make fun of people they don’t know. They find any excuse to make someone else look bad so they can feel better about their selves. Keera was very unhappy. And around her, I was unhappy too. I was unhappy for a long time, a time lasting longer than the actual years I knew Keera.

I lost touch with Stephanie after a while, but I was friends with Keera for a long time. If I could change it, I’d rather be friends with Stephanie and lose touch with Keera.

When making friends, choose people who are going somewhere, who have goals, who want to do something with their lives. Don’t choose people who want you to sit with them because they don’t want to get up and move.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on December 7, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Joys and Pains of Lovingly Being Called a Panda

I had a friend who would call me “panda”. I presumed it was because I’m Asian. She called herself “turkey” because she thought she had huge turkey legs. I even made us such cute comics about a turkey and a panda. And yet, I really hated her calling me that, because I had this twisted mindset that her cute little nickname for me was all because I’m Asian.

I’m not sure what being Asian means. To everyone else, I guess it meant that you had to be stick thin and flat chested and into anime and to take lots of selfies holding up weird Sailor Moon hand signals. I wasn’t any of that, except I did like anime and that was about as Asian as I was. I’m not sure if I was disgusted with people having preconceived ideas about how an Asian is or how we’re supposed to be cute and adorable and cuddly like a panda or something, or if I was just the total opposite of this super cute Asian culture because I was horribly anti-social and an all around irritable person. I was not friendly at all, which kinda makes me wonder why I have so many friends.

I find myself being torn between the preconceived idea of what I’m supposed to be and what I really am, which is nothing like what anyone else would think I am like. I have a panda for a profile picture. I’d like to think that I’ve overcome the crazy hatred for being called “panda” and that I’ve grown somewhat more adjusted into my Asian role as being somewhat cute and adorable when I’m not a complete bitch and trying to bubble wrap myself from everyone as if they’re an infected lot, but I’m not sure if I have really come to accept what it means to be Asian.

What in the hell does it mean to be Asian?

Aside from never being able to eat because you have to be this weird skeletal version of human, and aside from speaking Japanese and having colorful anime character hair, and aside from being super photogenic and taking lots of cute pictures filled with adorable stickers or emojis, what in the world is being Asian about?

I’m still really iffy on being seen as “panda”, even though I joke and call myself that at times. Why am I so against something so harmless? I’m sure the girl who used to call me “panda” didn’t do it out of hate. I’m sure the jealousy I feel now for people who have such cute nicknames for each other means that I actually do want that kind of relationship with someone in which we adorably call each other cutesy names, so why is it that I resent such a thing so much?

I don’t know. I guess I’m really just this weird person who totally dislikes pretty much anything and anyone, but secretly wonder what it would be like to be like everyone else. I isolate myself, yes, and I prefer things that way, but I’m also extremely social which makes no damn sense at all. I can’t tell if I have walls because I have social anxieties or if I have social anxieties because I have walls.

What does it feel like to be seen for what color your skin is or what presumed race you are or how society thinks you should be because of what you are? Asians are also supposed to be smart to the point of genius. I have brain farts. That’s about the best to describe them. I have periods of blank space that I don’t remember anything at all from that time in my life. And I don’t do drugs, so my mind’s not damaged, but the stupid things I do and the insane gullibility I have will astound most people. I’m not rational. I don’t score high on standardized tests and that’s only if I can stay awake long enough to take the test despite getting more than enough sleep prior to test taking. How does one grow up trying to fit into the expectations of family and society without going insane? I commend the people who do because I can’t.

Do I still have issues with being called, “panda”? Yes. Despite the like for pandas and the profile pictures and all the cutesy jokes aside, yeah, I still dislike being called something so Asian just because I’m Asian. Would I feel better if I was called something else like, “kitten”? Nope. I prefer people not to be transformed into animal versions as if life was some unseen Disney movie. However, I have become used to being called both those things, and I understand that it comes from a place of warmness in someone’s heart to give me such a nickname, but it seems utterly redundant unless I’m looking at someone else’s relationship and wanting the same exact thing that I’ve been getting this entire time: cutesy pet nicknames. Weird how that is, how I totally dislike being reduced down to a simple animal or word, and yet, everyone around me seems so happy when they’re being reduced down to a simple animal or word that it makes me want that kind of happiness too.

All in all, I think I’m just a very unhappy person. If happiness is based on the satisfaction of people around me about me and with me, I’d totally be the most unhappy person in the world. But my happiness isn’t based on other people. It’s based on me. And if I’m not okay with people calling me “panda” even though I call myself that, it’s my choice and complete right to not be okay with people calling me such. It doesn’t matter the reasons or if I was okay with it ten minutes ago, I’m not okay with it now and NOW is what matters. I can’t imagine being unhappy because someone cared enough about me to give me a loving nickname, but I was and I still kinda am.

I ride the Asian train easily, trying to mold myself into some fun-house mirror version of who I really am, going through the motions of pretending to be okay with things I’m not okay with. Is it such a bad thing to be generalized? Yes. Yes it is.

It’s simply difficult to understand myself, so I take it one tiny step at a time. Trying to rationalize my behavior and my thinking mind is like trying to find a cure for cancer or trying to end world hunger. It’s not going to happen any time soon.

 
1 Comment

Posted by on November 26, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What Disney Taught Me About Relationships

I love Disney movies. Disney made such great animated films like Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, The Little Mermaid, Hercules, Tangled, and Frozen.

However, Disney movies have unrealistic relationships which impacts the thoughts of young girls and even adults. What woman hasn’t yearned for a prince or a knight in shining armor to rescue them? Women even write out those same fantasies in romance novels: dashing princes, knights in shining armor, strong men who can save us. What woman hasn’t had a jerk of a boyfriend or significant other or husband and has stayed with that person, believing in a false “happily ever after”? Women believe that their goodness can overcome the horrible character of another and they will bend and compromise to make things work. Women sacrifice a lot for relationships and it’s because of unrealistic ideals like the relationships set forth in Disney movies that makes all women at one time or another, fools.

Cinderella is the classic story of a damsel with a crappy life being rescued by a prince whom she meets and he instantly falls in love with her for her beauty. Why did the stepdaughters have to look ugly? Being beautiful doesn’t guarantee a prince. And such high expectations of making someone fall in love with you at first sight because of your looks is very harsh on women everywhere who aren’t perfect porcelain dolls. Physical beauty doesn’t guarantee things in common or an intellectual connection to someone else. Physical beauty will fade over time. What then?

Beauty and the Beast is a classic tale of a girl being forced against her will to endure a horrible beast who has trapped her inside his home. While the Disney version ends with Belle and the Beast, who is really a handsome prince in disguise, lives happily ever after after she breaks the spell by confessing her love for him with a kiss, reality isn’t like that. Many women stay with abusive men and spouses, believing that their love will change that person’s beastliness into something better, someone better. Being forced against your will by someone else to do anything you don’t want to do is wrong. A relationship shouldn’t be like that. There shouldn’t be one person in total control of the other person.

The Little Mermaid is a classic tale of a girl changing her physical self for a guy that she likes. Many women today change their physical appearance for men. Many think that if they were skinnier, if they had clearer skin, if they had a bigger booty, if they looked beautiful, then they will catch the man of their dreams. Unfortunately, changing yourself for someone else doesn’t make that person like you. In the classic fairy tale, the prince actually marries someone else and the little mermaid commits suicide by drowning in the sea. While this seems harsh and unrealistic, many women have gone to self harm for a man. Some have even committed suicide. Although Disney’s version is a “happily ever after”, the actual fairy tale teaches women a big lesson of not changing yourself for someone else because even after all those changes, you might find yourself disappointed and your man gone to someone else who did nothing to change herself. Be happy with who you are.

Hercules is a tale about a woman who sold her soul to Hades (the devil) to save her lover and he ran off on her. Women desperate to keep their men or to try and “save” their men might do anything and everything, even something as extreme as selling themselves into bondage and slavery to another. This is a story of where a woman does everything for a man and in the end, he still leaves her. Love isn’t about what we can do for someone else. Love is a two way street where both parties have to compromise instead of one person doing all the bending. There should be equal amounts of love and give and take from both.

Tangled is the classic rebellion story of a girl who disobeys her parents and runs off with a stranger. While Rapunzel’s “mother” isn’t her actual biological mother, at that point in the story, she believes that’s the only mother she has. Yet, when Flynn appears, she runs off with him to see the world. Back when I was growing up, it was much safer to be around people you didn’t know. Now, it’s terrifying. Children are kidnapped, teenagers go missing, and it’s not a safe place at all. So what kind of relationship comes out of a bunch of partying, singing, and wondering around in places you don’t know? It sounds a lot like many women today who on a whim, follows some guy they don’t know, drinks, parties, and travels from place to place. While most of those stories ends badly, there are some that end halfway okay with the woman unharmed. Rapunzel’s disobedience is justified by mother Gothel not being her real mother, but what does that tell all the adopted children of the world? That it’s okay to not listen and follow rules because they’re not your real parents? Whether by blood or not, family is still family. And strangers are still strangers. It’s unhealthy to run off with anyone you just met.

Frozen is a tale of feminism on the loose. While it’s a good thing to not marry someone you just met or to not wait for a man to save you, the whole “let it go” propaganda is crap. You’re not going to be right about your life the first time you decide to think on your own and do what you want. Actually, that really just gets a lot of people into trouble. We learn from others and from their mistakes. Deciding something on whim because you suddenly feel freer without someone else you believe is holding you back may not actually be a wise decision. Elsa was going to live in the middle of nowhere as an ice hermit with a magic snowman as a guard dog! That’s not freedom. That’s trapping yourself in a fake illusion of freedom since you’re still isolated from everyone else. There’s no difference in her being locked up in her room or locked up in her new ice castle in the mountains. She’s still alone. And like her, a lot of women don’t have relationships. Their time is consumed with their jobs and businesses and things that they’re doing which doesn’t require a husband, a family, or kids. It’s okay to be independent and self sufficient, but don’t go overboard much. While you might die a rich, successful old maid and be happy with that, a lot of women want a significant other and a family and children. Also, be careful about people and manipulation. Don’t marry someone you just met. Get to know them first. And don’t believe everything from every charming person who tries to charm their way into your life. Most of the time, they do have an ulterior motive for being so nice and so kind to you. Be safe and test everyone accordingly to your standards for relationships.

In conclusion, there’s a lot of harmful relationships out there. It doesn’t always come with a “happily ever after”. This is what Disney taught me about relationships:

1. Physical beauty and good looks isn’t everything and it cannot get you everything.

2. If someone in the relationship is completely controlling and always angry, get help. That’s not a healthy relationship.

3. Never change yourself for someone else. If you choose to make any changes, do it for you.

4. Do not risk everything for someone whom you have already risked everything for to keep them with you. People should like you for you and not for what you can do for them.

5. Don’t run off with strangers.

6. Don’t marry someone you just met in a day. Date for a while, get to know them, and learn about them before you make that step.

 
2 Comments

Posted by on November 4, 2014 in Diary

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

“No” Means “No”. How is That Misunderstood by Men?

When a woman says NO, she fucking means NO. How hard is that to understand?

***
Him: Hello. How are you ??? Thinking of you. Hope your day went well

Me: I’m good. Thanks. Hope you are too. Haven’t been around much, and not for very long or often. Hope you have a good night. ^_^

Him: You too. Thinking of you

Me: Thanks. I haven’t been feeling like talking to people lately. It’s all relative. I’m good. You’re good. Things are cool. Take care. ^_^

Him: I am here if you want to vent

Me: Thanks. But nah. I don’t really like to talk. I do when I get mad, but after that, I just think. So it’s my quiet time to think. Have a good night! ^_^

Him: You too thinking of you. Will you talk tomorrow ???

Me: Can’t say. Probably not. I don’t talk very much anymore.

Him: May i ask why not

Me: I don’t feel like talking to anyone. I don’t understand what’s so hard about that to understand. I want time to myself. I’m talking now, am I not? It’s about to aggravate me though. Maybe we should all just move on. Separate. Leave. Move on with our lives.

I think you think there’s something here that there’s not and I’m sorry if you feel some kind of way about me because I don’t have those kinds of feelings about you or anyone else.

I’m not even a halfway decent friend. And I will never be with anyone. So you should really just give up with the being cute and nice and considerate and move on. Go find yourself a great girl who lives in your neighborhood. Go date or something. Have fun.

Him: Why cant we be friends ??? I fail to see the harm in that and no i dont have feelings for you. I am not falling in love with you or any other emotion. Just want your friendship

Me: Because I don’t talk to you or anyone. That’s not friendship. You deserve and need people who will be friends, social people and not someone who only cares to say something once in a blue moon.

Him: You are a great friend. You are beautiful and intelligent and i enjoy our time together. What is so wrong with that

Me: We DON’T have any time together. I want you to know that. I don’t even spend time with my family and I live with them. Let alone people I don’t know very well. I just think that you really need friends who will actually be around and say more than two sentences to.

Him: We talk when i text.

Me: I reply with one sentence or a few….never this long. I don’t have the time, or patience, or ability to deal with others right now or at any moment in the near or foreseeable future. That’s not talking.

Him: I have already lost alot. Dont make me lose you too

Me: You can’t lose something you never had. And trust me, this isn’t going nowhere so it’s best if we just let go right now because there are many, many wonderful things waiting for you and you should never let anyone hold you back. I’m not good. And I will never be. And I will never meet you or anyone I know and met over the internet.

Him: Did not get that

Me: You’re making excuses and compromising. You’ve lost a lot. I’m sorry about that. Suck it up and keep moving. Life doesn’t end. I mean nothing to no one and I want to remain that way. Just let go and move on. No more texts. No more “thinking of you”. Let go. Move on with your life.

Him: Where is all this coming from

Me: Because we NEVER talk and I’m not ever going to talk. I don’t lead people on. I hate that. So I want you to let go of me because there was never anything here and you need something/someone/people who will actually participate in your life and let you in theirs.

Him: I wont give up on you.

Me: Why not? I’m not asking you to give up on me. I’m telling you to fucking let me go. Stop with the hopeful bullshit. The more you face reality, you’d realize that all the time you spent wasting on some stupid dream, you could’ve been living your life and being someone, being something. Go live your dreams. Hell, go do for you.

Him: Why are you doing this ??? We are friends we do talk and we do share whats going on. Where is all this coming from ??? You never had a problem with this before.

Me: No, we don’t talk. I’ve avoided you in the most nicest of ways I could from March. But you expect us to be friends. I’m sorry if I misled you that one day we did talk because I get stupid excited about meeting new people. It doesn’t mean that I ever stay in their lives or that they stay in mine.

Him: I wont give up. Bring your worst. We are friends and i never abandon a friend. Your request is denied.

Me: We’re NOT friends.

Him: Ok. I apologize for whoever hurt you but i am not the enemy here

Me: Take care. Stop living your life for pathetic people. Live it for you. YOU make your life worth something. You make it happy. No one else can do it for you.

Him: You are not pathetic. You are intelligent as well as beautiful. And seeing its my life then i choose to keep in contact with you. I never said i hurt you i said i apologize FOR WHOEVER hurt you.

Me: You don’t get it. No one hurt me. I don’t want to be friends with you. Sorry I read what you wrote wrong. It’s frustrating as shit when everything I say is ignored. Goodbye. Good luck.

Him: I am not ignoring you just wanting us to continue in the fashion we have been up till now. Ok. Text you tomorrow.

Me: Fuck. I don’t want to continue anything in any fashion with you. You’re fucking obsessed. Why? What the fuck did I do? I certainly didn’t fuck you so why can’t you understand that I’m saying NO. It’s fucking creepy for you to ignore me saying NO and for you to tell me you’ll still talk to me. I don’t want to talk to you.

Leave me alone. I will never reply back to you. Just let go of whatever fantasy you think this is. I’m tired of saying NO and being ignored. This is what is fucking wrong with men. I am okay. Don’t worry about me. No tomorrow. Goodbye.

Him: Fine whatever walk then i tried and tried but will not take this crap from the likes of you any longer.
***

Finally! Thank you! Geesh. WTF???

I don’t understand the creepy shitty things I have to deal with from people who…I don’t know what is going on in their heads. I know I’ve been stupid on being too nice with people and tolerating things…but I sure as hell do not have the time, patience, nor ability to deal with bullshit any longer.

Yes, I’m a bitch. I’d rather not have to be pushed to be one.

 
Leave a comment

Posted by on June 20, 2014 in Diary

 

Tags: , , , ,

The Turning Vampire Series Origins, Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga, and God in the Midst of It

Today, I want to talk a bit about my books, The Turning vampire series, about Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight saga, a bit about how God is involved, and I want to answer some of the comments made by readers who’ve read The Turning.

I wrote The Turning vampire series back in 2009 when I had a lot of free time and there was all the hype about Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight books. I read Twilight and I liked it. I read New Moon and it was okay. At the end, when the perspectives changed from Bella to Jacob, I totally got lost and didn’t like it at all. I scanned through Eclipse and the humungous end book, Breaking Dawn, but I didn’t read them thoroughly as I did the first book. I actually stopped reading halfway through Eclipse. I didn’t understand why there needed to be a change in perspectives. For two whole books, the point of view had always been Bella’s in first person. Why change it now? Jacob was in Twilight. Why not had his point of view inserted from the beginning? And Jacob isn’t even the “hero” of the book. Bella’s the damsel in distress and Edward is supposed to be the hero, so why not had Edward’s point of view instead? It was all too confusing. And from there, I wanted to read a vampire series that was better than Twilight. Since I couldn’t find one, I created my own.

The Turning vampire series isn’t Twilight fan fiction. It’s not based on the unrealistic world of Twilight and their sparkly vampires. No. It’s better in many ways that Twilight can’t even touch on. I started out wanting to write something better, and what I ended up with was a world where characters wrote their own stories and taught me lessons on life and love and on being human.

Marisa starts out a bit like Bella, because my idea was that I could have a main character like Bella, but only so much better. I was horribly arrogant at the time that I wrote The Turning and I have to say that I didn’t really create Marisa–she created herself. I made her shy and awkward, but she quickly taught me that she wasn’t Bella and she was her own person. She wasn’t afraid of life. She was afraid of being alone, like she always had been. And that loneliness was the only thing that made her shy and awkward. If not for that, she would’ve found a way to conquer the world without being a vampire.

The Turning vampire series spans a total of ten books written between 2009 and 2012. The first four books were written in one month, each 300+ page book taking a total of a week to write longhand because all I did was eat, sleep for a few hours, and write all day, every day. My first drafts were insane. When I get really excited, I write very, very super tiny. The most I can fit into one regular ruled line on notebook paper is nine lines–nine sentences! (I will scan and upload an image of my longhand writing for everyone to see! Below, is a different story I wrote on unlined paper. It is 246 lines on regular 8 1/2″ by 11″ printer paper. And yes, I can read my own handwriting, even something that small. ^_^ )

SCAN0385

It was incredible to have written these books. I couldn’t have done it on my own. And I credited God to actually being the one who wrote the series. Most Christians tell me that God doesn’t write vampire novels. And I tell them that they underestimate the power of God. He created everything. Vampire novels are not more powerful than God that He can’t write them. I am a Christian. And although unexpected, The Turning vampire series does have remnants of Christianity inserted into them. It’s not intentional. I don’t categorize the series as being Christian and I don’t market it as a Christian romance novel. (It’s actually more erotica once you hit the second novel. And apparently, sex is taboo for Christians because you will not find Christian erotica anywhere! *lol* ^_^ )

The books were not meant to be categorized into something that makes people read them and find it an ideal way to believe, or worse, to worship them. I don’t have better words at the moment to express my feelings. I think they can be summed up in the underlying theme of the series and of how The Turning vampire novels taught me what humanity is like through the eyes of monsters: we all have great evil in us and we all will fail at one point in time or another to that darkness, but what makes us human is the ability to overcome that, in even the smallest measurement of simply living and continuing to live in love with ourselves and with each other.

I’m sure many people don’t understand that sentence, as I’m not totally sure I understand all of it myself, but The Turning vampire series is a story, a world I was blessed to see and capture in words to share. If people can learn something from the novels that helps them better themselves and their lives, then I’m happy for that. But, the novels themselves are not something that people should look towards to find God in because there’s only one book where we can find Him: the Bible. I don’t want people to misunderstand the reasons of me saying that God wrote the vampire books because He did, but people should not worship a creation instead of the Creator. It is wrong.

Back to my novels. ^_^

Whereas Twilight taught young girls and women how important it was to have a boyfriend and do everything for him, The Turning taught people how important it was to have a family and to protect them.

Marisa lost her parents in a horrible car accident where she almost died too. In a flash, her whole world changed. Although her relationship with her parents were by no means the Brady bunch, she’s a young girl who has some issues of her own like any other normal teenager. And what she wanted most wasn’t a boyfriend, but a family and a place where she belonged.

When she met the Arromanovokzjas, the vampire brothers, she wasn’t some human who mysteriously won the vampire lotto for being picked to fall in love with instead of becoming food–she was a vampire, but one not yet turned. Their interest in her wasn’t that she needed someone to save her from her miserable, boring, mundane life, but that she could become a threat at any time to the humans in the town where they lived. A vampire’s turning was considered a most dangerous event in which the one who is being turned is potentially more dangerous than the ones already turned. Their interest in her was to keep the town safe and to keep her from killing everyone, at the risk of their own lives. Every vampire’s turning is different with two things in common: death and blood, and Marisa’s turning was going to be no exception. But knowing that she had no one else alive and no idea of the life she was going to have to lead, they made the decision to save a whole town for the greater good by asking her to join them so they can watch over her turning.

Marisa is by no means the helpless damsel in distress. Impatient for someone to save her, she does most things by herself, even if she ends up making things much worse than they were before. But no matter how many times she’s fallen and she’s given up, she gets back up and she fights. She doesn’t fight to save Alessander, the oldest, whom she loves. She fights to keep the new family that she became a part of. The only reason why Marisa even considered romantic love was because love was the only bond stronger than the bond formed between a vampire and their Maker, the one who turned them. And in order for the vampire who left her for dead to believe that she is dead, she had to form a bond strong enough to not call her Maker to her.

One of the things that I didn’t like about Twilight was how it approached the subject matter of love. It is a romance novel and I’ve actually read more than enough romance novels who do this same exact thing–they teach people that love is an automatic feeling between two people who don’t even know each other. Love is far from that.

Marisa doesn’t automatically fall irrevocably in love with a vampire because he’s so mysterious and he ignores her like how Bella fell in love with Edward, which makes no sense at all because he totally ignored her and Bella became a crazy stalker who gets kind of creepy and waits for him even when he doesn’t show up at school. That’s not love. That’s obsession. It’s unhealthy. It’s ridiculous to teach girls that it’s okay to throw yourself at a guy who doesn’t want you, even if deep down inside, he really does but he doesn’t show it. That’s like telling people in abusive relationships that it’s okay to stay and be abused because their significant other really loves them. That is the worse thing to teach girls and women and it’s sad that many, many romance novels repeat this theme over and over again. That is not love. And it is not an okay way to treat people, men and women alike.

Marisa made a choice to fall in love and that choice was to save them all from a threat bigger than a turning–the Streigos. (The Streigos are a different type of vampire that have actual gargoyle like bodies and wings. They’re what vampires call “monsters”.) She doesn’t take a look at Alessander and thinks he’s sexy so she wants to be with him. No. That’s ridiculous. She doesn’t even know him!

Alessander taught Marisa about love and boundaries, something that many people need to know about. She needed a way to stop the automatic linking between her and the Streigos who killed her first family to stop him from killing the new family that she now had. And romantic love in all its awesomeness was something stronger than that link. She chose to love Alessander, albeit, she’s a bit wrong in her approach because she doesn’t think things through, but she made the choice after considering all three of her brothers–Alessander, Demetri, and Ra’vin. She didn’t blindly fall in love, she considered her options and chose what was best for her and her family.

Love doesn’t work for most people because people have an unrealistic expectation of what love is. That unrealistic expectation is that there’s an automatic attraction and feeling that will last them through decades of marriage. Love isn’t a feeling. Love is a choice. We choose to love someone. And that choice is what carries us through decades of commitment and honor and working together on a relationship.

One of the things that my readers have commented on was the dynamics of the switch in personalities between Alessander and Demetri. One moment, either one of them can be dark and brooding and the next moment, either one of them can be happy and nice. It was commented that their personalities mixed in too much with each other and they didn’t distinguish themselves as being one-dimensional (either dark and brooding or friendly and happy for example).

Granted, Demetri made the attempt to be nice to Marisa which led him to actually getting to know her. In letting down his walls, he became a better person towards her. But, in defense of Alessander and Demetri and their changing characteristics, I honestly don’t know a single person that is one-dimensional. I’ve never met or known a single person who is so miserable all of the time that everything around them dripped in the excruciating pain of their misery. Or I’ve never met and known a single person who was happy and cheerful all of the time despite how horrible their circumstances may be. Real people are not one-dimensional characters. They have weaknesses and flaws and the Arromanovokzjas are no exception. Their personalities are multifaceted and they have weaknesses and flaws as well.

Ra’vin isn’t even happy all of the time. His personality is only stable because he’s young and Alessander made that known to Marisa when they made the choice to watch over her turning. He specifically told her the reason why Ra’vin was the way that he was–optimistic and hopeful, and it was because while Ra’vin hopes in a future that is bright, Alessander and Demetri have lived and seen human suffering and seen wars and death and blood and they know the truth that hope is a luxury for the young who can afford it because they have not yet suffered the truth of the reality that life is not always kind. And that is the reason why Ra’vin is hopeful and optimistic and almost childlike in his ways. Alessander and Demetri have shielded him from both the vampire world and the human world so what he knows is limited to their love and protection of him.

I also understand that there is confusion where Marisa has the hallucinations that look like Alessander and Demetri, but they aren’t her brothers. The Turning vampire series was all written in first person through Marisa’s point of view. It was written in a specific way so that the reader understands what she understands. With that being said, she doesn’t understand why these things are happening to her. She doesn’t understand how she learned how to stop time if the real Alessander and Demetri didn’t teach her that. The hallucinations play a pretty big role in the story and their roles will be revealed later on as Marisa progresses in her life’s journey. As she comes to understand their meaning and why they’re there with her, the reader then also understands and can look back and connect to all the times that things were confusing and can see how all of it makes perfect sense.

I want to say that I am not smart enough to link something in the first novel, The Turning, to something two or three books down the series because I really would’ve forgotten about it by then. My memory is terrible.

Spoiler alert: there’s one sentence that Marisa comments to Mrs. Brukenheimer during her enrollment at school that I overlooked and didn’t realize had any meaning at all until around the sixth novel being written where it mentions the significance of that one sentence. When asked if Marisa had any family, she commented that her grandparents have died on both sides of the family and she was an only child. She remarked that she had an aunt Margaret who is somewhere in Africa, trying to convert the local natives to Christianity and she’s never seen or heard from this aunt since she was born. Margaret shows up somewhere around maybe book five (Knotted Remains)? I’m not sure, but she’s definitely in the sixth novel (Shadow War–coming soon although I’m typing up the fourth one, Loose Ends, into the computer now). When Marisa made that comment and I wrote it down, I was unaware of the importance of what she she said. I presumed it was just some casual way of trying to not get in trouble while wanting to get her high school diploma, but there were forces at work that day to initiate and prepare a remarkable story that I didn’t even know about when I started writing the novels.

I’m revealing this spoiler because I honestly cannot take credit for the incredible world of vampires in this series. I started writing with the intention of creating something I wanted to read, and instead, I was given the opportunity to see a world and to chronicle it not only for myself, but for others to enjoy too. In the end, everything will make sense and for all the people who’ve read The Turning and might’ve been confused as to Marisa’s kind of schizo personality and hallucinations, the end takes everything from the beginning and shows the reader exactly why things happened and for what reasons they happened. The series has a complete ending and I didn’t know that when I was writing the books. I actually wrote, not knowing where the stories were heading or if there was any meaning to anything or an explanation to it all. I was pleasantly surprised that at the very end of it all, everything came together and connected and it all made sense. All my questions (conscious and unconscious) were answered. Not that I’m telling everyone they have to read all ten books to understand what’s going on, but like in life when we don’t understand something, with time, we may come to an understanding of that something once not understood. I’m sure I didn’t make sense there at all! ^_^

Everything that happens in the novels have significance and meaning. I didn’t know that when I wrote them down. The reader doesn’t get to see parts of any of the characters’ past to fill up space and stretch the books to almost 400 hundred pages for no reason. Everything that Marisa learns about her brothers, the vampires, the Nosferatu, the intruders–Heidrick, Anastasia, and Vasila, her new parents–Lillian and Maxwell, the memories of her own past, all have meaning and connections that I didn’t see or think about when I wrote the stories. And all these connections and all these things that makes sense many books later on and ties everything into what I believe is pretty much one big epic fantasy story, is the reason why I believe I truly had help writing this series. I couldn’t have done it without God so my thanks is always to Him first. He is really the one who wrote these books. It wouldn’t have been possible without Him.

It was an incredible pleasure for me to write The Turning vampire series. This isn’t because I’m some awesome author who will be the next famous multimillionaire when people discover how great my novels are, but it’s because I take great joy in these books that has taught me about myself and about many things in life. I really love the characters and their stories and the greatest joy that I have in publishing the series is to share Marisa and her brothers and my love for them with the entire world. That is what makes me happy, that Marisa’s story is told and that people love something that I love as much as I love it. ^_^

Thank you to all the people who read this incredibly long post. And to everyone who has read The Turning or books two and three in the series, Blood Lust and Masquerade, I am proud to share this incredible story and this amazing world with you. Thank you for taking the time to join Marisa and her brothers on their journeys.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00HBKIPUY/

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00IS9MXN2/

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B00JO16LUY/

 
7 Comments

Posted by on May 12, 2014 in Book Reviews

 

Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

What is Love? And How Does One Show It?

This was the question I posed to friends on Facebook. Here are some answers. It’s enlightening to know what other people’s beliefs of love is all about. Thank you to everyone for sharing the love! I love you guys and gals! ^_^

 

  • Brandon Varnell Love is when you want to make someone happy regardless of your own personal happiness. When making that special someone smile makes you smile.Different people show love differently. I like showing how much I love someone by being affectionate. I’ll hold her hand or have an around her shoulder or waist when we’re in public. At home I’ll pull her between my legs and wrap my arms around her tummy while we sit and watch movies. I’m a cuddler.

    But I also like doing other things to show someone I love them. Little things like complimenting her on her looks when she does something different, or when she wears that special brand of perfume because she knows I like it.

    It might be different for other people.

  • Alvin Cain Love is two people being as one. Everything is in sync. Good or bad you are there for the other person. Wanting to spend every minute of every day together. A text in the morning, a kiss goodnight. Saying I love you while you look in the other personsSee More
  • Eric KirkbrideLove is all you need. Its the air and the space in you and around you. Its not touchable or a physical force (unless you put actions in motion) its everything we are and more.
    1 hr · Like · 2
  • Larry Acord Love is a feeling you know when you hear bell ringging or when your heart start raceing
  • Jo Newey I think you show it by being loyalty to that person 24 hours a day (so no talking smack), with small acts of putting them first (sometimes so small they don’t even notice… Like breaking food in half and giving them the “big half”) and putting work into keeping the relationship fun (doesn’t always happen by itself). And I think these things apply to all kinds of love, not just relationships
  • Darren Walker Showing it is easy if it is true. Knowing if someone else’s love is true is the hard part.
    2 hrs · Unlike · 2
  • L.m. Glenn imagine laying down your life for someone else. That is love.
    2 hrs · Edited · Unlike · 2
  • Will Cohen For me, love is simply knowing the person you’re with to such a degree that you don’t have to buy material things to show it. Just simple acts that you know the other person will appreciate on an emotional level.
    2 hrs · Unlike · 3
  • Viv Drewa Love is something that’s either part of you or not. Consideration, respect, Being a decent human being is the best way to show it. Now if you’re talking about the romantic love, it’s finding that someone who makes you feel whole. And you show it by reciprocating the feeling.
    2 hrs · Unlike · 3
  • L.m. Glenn listening, respecting, touching, yeah thats how ya show it I guess
    2 hrs · Unlike · 1
  • Em Ray Love is action, no matter what kind of love: putting the other person’s needs ahead of your own, whether in speech or in deed.
    2 hrs · Unlike · 3
  • Nir Zilberman Love is feeling lost in the feeling, not being rational and lose yourself in this pure feeling. There are many ways to show your love, from dinner with your loved one to being together at the beach, gave at each other’s eyes and just watch the stars…lose yourself in the feeling and the universe…
    2 hrs · Unlike · 1
  • Jaycelynn Freeman Love comes in many forms. And I, too, believe it is an action. Whether it is as small as making your love a cup of coffee or comforting a friend in need. Hope that helps.
    2 hrs · Unlike · 2
  • Heather Shafik Love is many things.. Patient, Kind, Forgiving, Loyal, Humbleness, Giving, Passionate, it’s compromise, Faithfulness.. Love is in all things, through good and bad. It’s in giving your heart and trusting them to hold and protect it.. Love is many things girl, this is to deep..lol
    2 hrs · Unlike · 4
  • Ger Thao Love is more of a thing rather than an actual emotion. By this, I mean that love is when you can feel all of the other emotions in an equilibrium all at the same time. You do not feel love, you feel happy, sad, excited, nervous, shy, depressed, mad, and so on. When you feel all of the emotions all mixed together, that is love. You are loved. I’m not saying you can’t “feel” love, you can. But in reality, love is a form of yourself rather than an actual emotion. This is why soo many people explain it in such different ways. Nobody knows what “love” really feels like. It’s because it isn’t an emotion, but rather a thing. Kind of like a state of mind.How to know of it’s true love?
    Simple. You have to feel all of the emotions altogether. You feel happy, but are sad. You feel angry, but still pleased. To be able to find someone or something that can make you feel everything in an equilibrium, that is true love. One emotion must not overpower the other emotions, otherwise, things get complicated. And true love becomes twisted.That’s how I see it, anyway.
    2 hrs · Unlike · 3
  • Hope Hejji I’m glad that many people have tried to explain love. However, it’s much easier to feel love rather than to explain it. It takes a person’s whole life to understand the very true meaning of love, or not. As human, we’re very smart, but we’re not smart enough to define love yet. Some of love may be define, but there’s a lots more is mystery. I believe that if we’ve explain love, there will be even greater feeling beyond love; but the greatest will never come.
    1st Corinthians 13
    2 hrs · Edited · Unlike · 3
  • Luke Green Hard to say, I imagine that love is not quite an emotion. Emotions are more easily definable. I’d suppose it is a situation where your relationship with something is something you cannot do with out….
    2 hrs · Unlike · 1
  • Lidia Abanto Love have a big meaning. Sometimes we think that love just involve romantic actions in my opinions that not true. Love involves many elements such as respect, value, admiration, loyalty, patient and dedication.
    2 hrs · Unlike · 1
  • Chris Vang Love consist of two things. 1st when you feel like you can’t live without that other person. 2nd is having a sexual relationship. That’s how you keep the love going
    2 hrs · Unlike · 1
  • Dia Thao One never knows the meaning of true love until one loves a dog!
    2 hrs · Unlike · 2
  • Coleman Weeks love is tangible, but must be sensed with out heart, our soul. Love is loyal and it makes us brave. Love is caring and it gives the care we crave. Love is meaning or destiny you are yearning. Love is when we laugh or cry, love is the power and our reason why. It never demeans, bully, or rue, love is me and love is you. love is the mystery that you always know, love is the secret you always show.
    1 hr · Unlike · 1
  • James McAllister Love is a word we use to describe our feelings for those who complete our being. Love is shown in many ways; a look, a touch, a gesture, a word, a commitment fulfilled, a promise, the combination of all of those and more.
    1 hr · Unlike · 1
  • Jennifer Ponce I’m not sure. Saying “I love you” to my kid is different than saying “I love you” to a significant other, which is different than saying “I love you” to a friend or family member. To me. Plus, they are different within those categories. I may love my cousin, but not the same way I love my sister. I may love one kid differently than I love another. I may love one dating partner different than another and may love that same dating partner different throughout our relationship. I think it’s a mixture of emotional signals and biological/physical signals.How you show your love depends on how you define it. If it’s physical for you, you’ll show it differently than if it’s emotional and differently if it’s intellectual.I think it’s important to figure out how you show love and how you want to be shown love, whatever it looks like and figure out how other people think about it. If you think of love as physical and the person you like is physically affectionate, you might decide they love you too, when really they are physical because that’s just who they are or because it’s habit.
  • Larry Acord love is when you walk in to a room just see him setting there not saying a word you look at him and tell your self i love him more than any thing in this world when he look up at you you with a glow on his face then you no what true love is like i can not live with out him
  • Recardo Young Plato once remarked that love was a disease…it makes us act irrationally and insanely at times…but hey it can be a pleasant diagnosis I suppose.
  • Danail Pearson Love is, waiting up for them to get off work, just to tell them you’ve missed them, it’s rolling over in the morning and never wanting to be without that person ever again, it’s knowing that they would never hurt you, but would lay their life down for you in a second if they had to, it’s feeling butterflies in your stomach after the first kiss and every kiss there after, it’s someone you can talk to about anything and they will always have some advice, it’s knowing that you are their sun and they are your moon, it’s knowing that one day you will part ways, but that the trip to the end will be worth it more than anything else you have came across
  • Melinda Thompson Love is different for everyone and is shown in whatever way it is felt
  • Ricky Vaughn Its an internal pull towards someone, its how to you all their imperfections seemingly blend into the perfect person. It’s the feeling of never wanting to lose them, the desire to make and see them smile. It’s when your heart skips a beat when you kiss, the feeling that as long as you have them, no goal is to far. No star to high. They become the center of your universe and your just happy to be in their orbit. You show it thru simple gestures, from a mere box of candy to something that change the world for them.
  • Zachary Hogberg Love is hard to define because there are so many different kinds of love. Some people say they can never love anyone the way they have already loved another individual and that is true, but it’s not a comparison of who they love more because you can’t compare the two loves because they are not the same at all. Love is like magic or fate, we all think we are above it and then it hits us and we are complete and udder slaves to it. It’s not always a grand fairytale, though sometimes it can be, but it is the one force that can over power all of the other drives and desires of mankind, thus why it is invoked in any form of media or propoganda. Asking what is love is like asking what is the meaning of life. No two answers will be exactly the same. How does one show love? The answer to this is also complicated, but there are five basic ways or channels of communication which people use to attempt to show love. Verbal: Love is shown through words of affection and affirmation. Physical: Love is shown through physical gestures (of both sexual and non sexual varieties) such as hugs, kisses, massages, holding hands…. Material: Expensive gifts or materialistic things are given in order to prove how much one is willing to give up for another, sacrificing money and precious resources. Serving: Chores, projects, obligations, everyday tasking….are preformed by one to illustrate to another that they are worth hard work and time. A service by the individual brings joy to the server because they can see the joy, comfort, and security it brings the served. Basically taking care of the partner even when a task is sometimes strenuous or inconvenient to the server. Quality Time: This method is just spending time with one another no matter what the activities. It suggests that you truly care about being with the other person and that you care about getting to know each other as much as possible. Most of this is based off of my own experience and I welcome any corrections or comments.
  • Henry DarkLords Dinh It’s that poem I gave you beforehand.
  • Kathleen Jessie-Nevarez There are many levels of love. So to define love one would have to ask on what level do you speak of? As for showing love once again it varies on what type of love…IE I love pizza…there for I eat it LOL.
  • Jeremy Maloy Love is when someone shares space inside your heart. You show it in different ways, depending on the person. Take for instance, how I call you a goober!
  • Frater Theodbald I’m going to be a smarty-pants and link an interesting article that I like.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unconditional_love

    en.wikipedia.org

    Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism, complete love, or “mother’s/father’s love.” Each area of expertise has a certain way of describing unconditional love, but most will agree that it is that type…
  • Kirt A White I like the Wiipedia page on it. But the answer is in the question Love just is, It is a feeling and it is action. You feel love when you go on a date (Infatuation) you feel love when cuddling on the couch or playing with children ( affection).You show love love buy the actions you take with the different people in your life that you care for. Anticipating the needs of those you care for and executing them voluntarily is showing love. Making coffee for the rest of the house before they wake up, taking your moms grocery list and getting it for her while she is doing something else. These are ways we show love on a daily basis, it’s the little things that add up and reinforce the feelings.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love

    en.wikipedia.org

    Love refers to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes that ranges from interpersonal affection (“I love my mother”) to pleasure (“I loved that meal”). It can refer to an emotion of a strong attraction and personal attachment.[1] It can also be a virtue representing human kindness, co…

 

 
1 Comment

Posted by on April 25, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , , , ,