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The Turning Vampire Series Special Promo

The Turning vampire series, all three books, will be 99 cents starting today until June 1, 2015. Get a copy at this low promo price today!

Links:

The Turning – http://smile.amazon.com/Turning-Vampire-Book-ebook/dp/B00HBKIPUY
Blood Lust – http://smile.amazon.com/Blood-Lust-Turning-Vampire-Series-ebook/dp/B00IS9MXN2
Masquerade – http://smile.amazon.com/Masquerade-Turning-Vampire-Book-3-ebook/dp/B00JO16LUY/

(http://smile.amazon.com helps donate proceeds to a charity of your choice. The prices don’t change, but Amazon donates on your behalf through the things you purchase.)

https://www.smashwords.com/books/byseries/10626

The Turning – https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/386187
Blood Lust – https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/415301
Masquerade – https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/428766

 
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Posted by on April 21, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Welcome to xaothao.com!

I’ve finally got the basics of my website up! I’m so excited about it! I still have a lot to do, but most of the information is up. You can visit my website here at: http://www.xaothao.com

I’m working hard on a lot of projects at the moment, so Loose Ends, the fourth novel in the Turning Vampire Series will have to wait a bit.

And now, some relaxation time with Game of Thrones, which I’ve never seen before. I’m excited to watch it too. They have dragons!

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2014 in Uncategorized

 

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The Worlds We Create

There’s a story that goes somewhere along the lines of one being left alone after family is burned in a house fire…these are the tales of people I’ve met throughout the years who have said such things, the tales of those who would later come to be known as vampires.

“And when I woke, everything was different. Everything was new.”

Is it a passing myth that to be a vampire, one must lose all their mortal families in a house fire?

The first tale was told over a decade ago by a woman who claimed to be a real vampire and not the kind that are found today strolling into goth clubs and feeding off of blood for fun. No. She claimed to be a very old vampire who have lived for centuries and has been sheltered from the modern world and all it’s technological advances…that is, if you didn’t count using the internet which was the medium in which we spoke. And of course, computers because that’s pretty modern too. Her story was one liken from The Handmaid’s Tale by Margaret Atwood in which a society of wealth ruled all lower classes and subjected them to labor and servitude. She lived in a castle by the cliffs of the sea, in which vampires flew by night and her Lord and Master still uses gold coins at an exceedingly too-good-to-be-true rate of thousands of dollars for one coin. I was hooked at the time on her story and the reality that even if nothing she said was true, she believed it and had created a world of magnificence and wonder for herself that was more real than the reality in which she lived. It was her father and twin brother who had died in a mysterious house fire, and later, her Lord and Master found her and took her in, raising her as his own bride-to-be if he had not yet already had a wife and many mistresses from multiple marriages before her existence.

The second time I heard it was from a man claiming to be a vampire. His father and sister died in a house fire and he was left alone to fend for himself. How he eventually became a vampire, that part never remained with my memory, but he claimed to be a real vampire, those of old and of legends.

The third time I heard it was recently. A girl’s parents died in a house fire and left her and her twin brother alone. She didn’t claim to be a real vampire, but she played one on Second Life where I too, played a vampire with Bloodlines.

What kind of lives do we have? First lives–the ones where we are born into; second life–the ones we live inside the online SL game; past lives–the ones where we remember or are recalled during hypnosis; real lives–the ones that we have to live now at this moment in physical reality; dream lives–the ones we live inside our dreams; metaphysical lives–the ones we live in our heads, in the astral, in our imaginations, etc, etc. And that’s a noninclusive list too.

I left Facebook because of some things that were occurring at the time which wasn’t best for me and made me unhappy. So I found Second Life, which was very much like one of my favorite games, The Sims, to bring myself out of depression and excess emotions. What I found on SL was a pretty cool world that made me happy and I had fun…until I realized that people will be people, no matter where they are.

Jane was a girl I took in as a minion in SL. We roleplayed vampires for Bloodlines. I loved her a lot and treated her as a daughter. Little did I know that everything I’ve been told by her was a lie…from her age (she claimed to be 23) to her life (parents died in a house fire; no relatives; twin brother has a 7 year old daughter; brother and sister alternated months working to have a baby sitter for the daughter/niece; was dumped by her boyfriend after finding out she was pregnant with twins in real life; got back together with the boyfriend; boyfriend was leaving to Japan; had blurred relationship with an SL player who fell in love with her; dumped the boyfriend for another SL player–a different one; had bad news that one of the twin babies weren’t going to survive; brother committed suicide due to the baby’s mother leaving him (but they weren’t even together nor did they live together); was being harassed and attacked on SL from ex-boyfriend who played on SL; niece is suddenly in Japan; niece is suddenly 5 years old and the 7 year old is someone else; lives in Florida instead of the midwest; brother and sister made fake accounts because they’re paranoid; has no social accounts at all except for hotmail and skype; brother and sister were given Japanese names like Rin and Rina by American parents who were named Lorena and James)…and the list went on.

*face palms*

That’s one dramatic complicated life to keep up with. Nothing she said was true and the only answer she had for any questions asked about her true self was, “why would I lie to you? I trust you.”

*shakes head*

From where do people create such lies and do they actually believe in them?

I have to admit that I’m a lot sassier these days. Most of it stems from learning how to stand up for myself. I still fall for the trap of being manipulated by others for a certain amount of time, but I am catching on quicker and quicker to the game.

Being forced to love someone through manipulation doesn’t mean that there isn’t love there, even when there wasn’t that type of love present in the beginning. And just like that, the worlds that we create for ourselves, we begin to believe in, even if we didn’t believe it in the beginning when we created it.

I learned invaluable lessons from Facebook and Second Life. Even the most innocent seeming of people can be the most wicked and hurtful. Sad sob stories are a way of controlling people through their sympathy and relation to pain, sadness, and bad things that occur in life. Suicide threats are a way of manipulating others. It might sound harsh, but people who want to kill themselves would’ve already done so. People who cry wolf, just want the attention, as sad as that may be. Any threat is a way of manipulation, no matter how subtle or blunt the threat is.

If standing up for myself makes me a bitch, then I’d gladly take that label any day than to succumb to the will and trickery of others. I am a lot harsher these days and a lot less tolerant of abuse in that way. I cry a lot less these days than I have in the past. And I remember less and less of those that needed to be left behind for my happiness and well being. Loving someone is a great thing, but when loving someone is causing you pain, you’ve got to let them go.

Many months ago, I downloaded a bunch of pictures of an ex-best friend, her mother, and their pets to print out on nice photo paper and send to her since she was incarcerated. I knew no one else would do it and she had no other family outside of prison walls. Even though we no longer spoke, I was going to do the nice and right thing. But I realized that that nice and right thing was for her, not for me. What did I get out of someone who hurt me badly, who I trusted and loved like one of my own sisters, and who I cared for and spared nothing that I wouldn’t give or do for her? Nothing. And so, for my sake, it was best if I started to do what was nice and right for myself, which meant that I was going to have to let go of her. It’s sad that she’s not getting out until 2021, that her entire family is incarcerated, and that she’s actually a decent person and a decent friend to everyone else…but none of that matters now. I won’t go back. And for what? To repeat the same pattern all over again? No thank you.

Some things, I’m not ready to face head on yet. An ex-friend had blocked me on Facebook since June 10th. We actually weren’t friends since March or April. I haven’t been on Facebook since I started playing SL almost a month ago. I came back and saw that I was unblocked. And because I wasn’t ready to deal with all the false emotions of a love I never wanted in the first place that was returning, I blocked the person. It didn’t matter that I was happy now or that I was in love with someone else now who loves me back and gives me the kind of love and relationship that I wanted and deserved. A manipulated love by a third party that I trusted and cared for and loved made everything all the worse. That third party, I didn’t block. I learned to stand up for myself against that third party and thus, have rid myself of the manipulations and lies. But until I can figure out what to do or until I can finally let go of the ex-friend and the emotions involved, that person will remained blocked.

People manipulate others for various reasons, some of them the most idiotic. The other night, a girl commented that she was going to kill herself. Her life didn’t even warrant anything worth dying over. She had a 3 year old son that she had been fighting the state to get back for the past 2 years because she said jealous friends of family called Child Protection Services because her house was “dirty”. Aside from other things that makes no sense like her son’s adoption to people who are now expecting a child of their own…she wanted to kill herself. Being sleep deprived and cranky, after much babble trying to calm her down, I said, “Since you’re going to kill yourself, let me tell you about Jesus”. She didn’t like that and threatened that she was calm and if I attacked her with Jesus, then she’d kill herself. My point was that she was going to do it anyway so why not tell her about Jesus and save her soul? I shrugged, commented that since she’s calm now, it was cool, but that if she did see God, she should tell Him that I tried and she didn’t want to hear it. Boy did she go off about not being calm if I brought up Jesus or God. So I simply said since she was calm and good, I was done trying to convince her not to kill herself and called it a night. I find it ironic that people who threaten self harm or death are still prideful and stubborn. This is a repeated pattern in my experience with others. When people want to die, I talk about Jesus. For some reason, they stop threatening death. And I’m the crazy one for talking about Jesus. *shakes head*

In SL, when I get unsolicited IM messages for sex or friendships and relationships, I usually kill any further IMs by simply asking if the person wants to be a vampire or a lycan. For some reason, people want sex, not to join a guild or a clan. It’s ironic and amusing to me that such a simple thing such as commitment will make someone run in the opposite direction.

Do people believe the lies they tell themselves?

I don’t really know, but I’m falling asleep now. I’m still working on dispelling the lies I’ve been misled to believe about myself and my life. I like things simple. I couldn’t keep up with all the lies if I told myself such things.

This ends on an unfinished, odd note. Screw it. I’m off to bed.

 
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Posted by on August 11, 2014 in Diary, Uncategorized

 

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Sneak Peek Summary at Loose Ends, Fourth Novel in the Turning Vampire Series

Here are the summaries of the first three published books in the Turning Vampire series and the soon-to-be published fourth novel, Loose Ends.

The Turning: Seventeen year old Marisa James has never been popular growing up, but after moving into the small town of Sterling, South Dakota, she finds herself at the center of attention of three handsome Russian brothers. Alessander, Demetri, and Ra’vin Arromanovokzja are immortals who are content to lead invisible lives among humans until they are drawn to Marisa. They befriend her in order to learn more about their attraction to her but when they learn of a secret that even she isn’t aware of, they must make a choice that would alter all of their lives forever. Marisa is a vampire, but one not yet turned. A vampire’s turning is a most dangerous event that usually results in numerous deaths. Unable to leave Marisa to face her turning alone, the brothers adopt her into their family in the hopes of preventing a tragedy although they now place their own lives in danger as well.

Blood Lust: Marisa and her three brothers: Alessander, Demetri, and Ra’vin Arromanovokzja, have been called home to the Carpathians by their mother, the queen of the Zjavankas and head of the Council, an elite group of vampires that govern the world. Marisa, however, has a secret. She is twice turned and while she is fully a royal, she is also a Streigos, a fearsome vampire that takes on the physical form of a monster that could appear any day and expose her secret. With the Zjavankas and the Streigos at odds with one another, Marisa finds herself at odds with her new vampire life. When Marisa meets a handsome man named Tristinos, she finds herself thrown into a different world, one that will open her eyes to the lies surrounding her new family and her new life. Who is Tristinos and what does he know about Marisa’s secret? Is she safe by trusting him or will she have only put herself into more danger than her brothers can save her out of?

Masquerade: Joining the Council, an elite group of vampires who oversaw political affairs, was the best decision Marisa and her brothers Alessander, Demetri, and Ra’vin ever made in order to help bring peace between the Zjavankas and the Streigos, two warring vampire factions. Being the only vampire who is both a Zjavanka and a Streigos, Marisa has managed to hide the scarier gargoyle side of her until now. Marisa is turning again and a Streigos doesn’t resemble anything close to human. How will her brothers protect her from the persecution of the Zjavankas once they find out that she’s a Streigos? And what’s worse, her Maker, the demon Streigos himself, is now on her tail and has threatened the Zjavankas with war. Will everything that Marisa and her brothers have worked so hard for all be for nothing? Or is there a way to unite the two groups with the truth of the feud before it’s too late?

Loose Ends: Marisa has chosen to leave her brothers, Alessander, Demetri, and Ra’vin, in order to protect them from the threat of death by Svendios, her Maker and the demon Streigos himself. All Marisa has known since becoming a vampire is left behind as Svendios takes her somewhere far away, separating her and all the ones she loves forever. When a chance to undo the past forces Marisa to reconsider the bad choices she’s made in her life, including the decision to leave, Marisa is led to explore an all too real temptation as she must decide to keep the life she had–mistakes and all, or create a new one, not knowing if that new life comes at the expense of destroying the lives she aimed to protect.

You can find the Turning Vampire series on Amazon here:
http://amazon.com/dp/B00HBKIPUY
http://amazon.com/dp/B00IS9MXN2
http://amazon.com/dp/B00JO16LUY

You can also find the Turning Vampire series at Smashwords here:
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/386187
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/415301
https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/428766

 
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Posted by on July 3, 2014 in Book Reviews

 

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Dreaming Dreams About Vampires and Other Things

I suppose this is what I get for not working on my writing. Is dreaming about vampires a hint for continuing my vampire series? I have no idea, but the thought of dreaming is interesting for in a dream, it’s a bit of a mix of real life and movies and the supernatural.

A dream is the perfect alternate reality for in dreams, we are much like in real life, except it all ends suddenly and we’re awakened. It reminds me of that short quote that says:

Once upon a time, I dreamt I was a butterfly, fluttering hither and thither, to all intents and purposes a butterfly. I was conscious only of my happiness as a butterfly, unaware that I was myself. Soon I awaked, and there I was, veritably myself again. Now I do not know whether I was then a man dreaming I was a butterfly, or whether I am now a butterfly, dreaming I am a man.

In a dream, anything can happen. Yet, the dreamer most undoubtedly cannot distinguish between the laws of reality in a dream. A person or a setting in a dream can change before the dreamer’s eyes and in the dream, the dreamer will not realize that that change defies the very nature of real life and existence. In a dream, such extreme changes can seem ordinary and normal to the dreamer. Most often, the dreamer won’t even realize the changes that occurred.

It’s been a while since I’ve been keeping up with my dreams or taking any serious interest in them. If I’m not writing, I might as well be doing something productive. I was supposed to have started a dream testing group thing, but for some reason, I just never got my info packets so, I’m not in the dream group. I need to do some dream working.

Last night was interesting. I managed to stick to one dream, prolonging it or rather, much like a television series, continued going through the episodes which, unless it has happened this way before since all my dreams are recurring, I’ve managed to actually stick close to a subject for the night which is pretty damn near impossible. It’s very true that I can’t change much about my dreams. I’ve tried. And I can’t change the order in which I dream unless I remember the dreams. When my dreams are remembered, they’re skipped in the queue. It’s odd, but that’s how my dreams work.

So, here was the basis of my dream, from which I’ve woken up several times during the course of the night. I normally can’t go back to a halfway decent dream where I’m not dying or being tortured so this was pretty cool.

There’s some vampire prince and I’m at this house with not only him, but a bunch of girls and at least one other guy. Actually, I thought everyone was just normal. They all looked normal. The guy was…tall, dark, and handsome. Haha! It’s so funny because that describes a lot of the men from romance novels.

He was a pretty decent guy. Gave me some odd things/gifts that I paid no attention to. One was a pen with like…his stamp/signature/sigil/something on it. I didn’t pay any attention to the importance of it so I stuck it in a cup with lots of other odds and ends and pens. Everything was just odd if I think about it now. He was interested and I guess that was his way of showing that he was interested.

There was this one part where four of us were sitting on a couch and he was at one end and I was at the other. He had some girl he was talking to and being friendly with–a sister or a cousin, but she was related by blood (and later explained the weird gifts to me as his way of making me a princess…?). There was some guy beside me who had his arm around my shoulder and I had my arm between us to keep him at a distance because I knew how upset the other guy was going to get if he saw and misunderstood. And I was right. The vampire prince (who was totally shirtless by the way), took the guy by the shoulder and almost threw him across the room, but when he saw me pushing the guy away, he calmed down and relaxed some.

I didn’t know the vampire prince was a vampire prince until I was in a bedroom, just standing at the doorway talking to two girls and the vampire king came in and I must’ve been the only human because he looked at me and wanted to rip my arm open. I stared at him and said the baddest thing I’ve ever said in a dream. I said, “You touch me and try and drink my blood and I will burn you from the inside out.

Haha!

I must’ve gotten that from my vampire stories. But in the dream, since all my dreams were recurring dreams and I spent a great chunk of my dream life trying to escape each dream, I’ve encountered pretty much all the possible ways that things can change within a single dream. And in this one, I had a flashback memory of him attacking me and I burned him with fire from the inside out. So I was brave because I knew I could do it since I had done it before.

The vampire king actually didn’t attack me though. It also had something to do with my supernatural admirer. He wouldn’t have been too happy if I got hurt. Having a friend, any kind of friend in my dreams is worth more than anything. My dreams are not happy dreams. I’m lucky if they’re not trying their best to torture and kill me.

Dreams to me, are very interesting. They’re interesting because I’m super sheltered in my dreams and everyone in my dreamworld, even those things that hurt and harm and torture and kill me–aren’t even harmful in the least bit. My dreams hurt like a bitch, but that’s besides the point. The point is that everyone in my dreamworld has a role to play. It’s so weird. And I do dream of people I know in real life–like my parents and my family for example–but I never dream about the real person. There are people in my dream whose entire job is to imitate people I know in real life and to pretend to be them. It’s so weird to explain to someone else so they’d understand.

I have awesome best friends in my dreams whose names I don’t remember in the dream or upon waking, but I know we’ve been best friends for forever. It’s so weird to think about dreams because my dreams are indeed like the scariest cool alternate universe I’ve ever known.

There’s this guy that’s my best friend. He resembles no one I know in real life and he only exists in my dreams, but he only exists in a specific type of dream–the ones where I attend a specific school that’s kind of Japanese-esque with the bamboo window sliding doors and such.

Particular settings and particular dreams have particular people that kind of belongs in that set. It’s hard to explain. Each environmental set has a certain number of “people” or “things” or “others” populating it and they don’t cross over from one set (like a specific school for example) over to a different set (my childhood home for another example). It’s like many contained worlds within this great big whole. It’s all kind of cool and interesting.

I mostly avoid bathrooms no matter what type of dream setting I’m in. The bathrooms almost always has some kind of weird spirit/ghost problem going on. Invisible things that literally numbs my entire body with that pins and needles feeling when your limbs are asleep. It’s an odd sensation and no matter how many times I try to get used to the feeling within a dream, I often get scared and start to panic. Another way to describe that sensation is like being gnawed on by millions of invisible rats. It’s not a good feeling.

And I’m always safer outside for whatever reason because inside houses and buildings can be scary due to lights flickering out and not coming back on, lack of sight due to the darkness, and terrible evil things lurking in darkness. Because of the extent of work I do in my dreams, I often get flashbacks of the many ways I’ve tried to change a dream. If I’m about to walk into a dangerous part of town or woods, I get many flashbacks of the different ways that the dream happened the last time that I dreamed that same dream. It’s an odd, but useful method since I often don’t want to run into a pack of werewolves, get hunted by witches, have to battle vampires and dinosaurs or any number of things like flying sharks. Yes, sharks that swim in air. It’s still scary because they have huge teeth!

I am also always safer to stick to someone who likes me. Or someone I know in some way. Or someone who pretends to be one of my family members. I learned to never let anything know that I know that they’re not really my family or my friends. Things get dangerous quickly if things in my dreams are aware that I’m aware of their charade.

The one thing I love the most about my dreams is the night time sky. Whenever it’s night and I’m not being chased or scared out of my mind, I can look up at the sky and it’s like my eyes become the Hubble telescope. I see the stars in all its beautiful colors and glows and yes, I even see alien ships and planets and it’s the coolest thing ever! Normally, I’m an idiot. So even though I am fully aware of myself dreaming, I’m still snapping pictures, hoping that I can somehow transfer the images over to being manifest in the real world. Lol.

The sky can be interesting during the day too. Sometimes, there are planets floating in the sky–too far off for me to touch, but magnified somehow so I can see them. It’s the coolest science fiction setting ever.

Running is one of the things I love most about my dreams. Running and jumping. It sounds crazy, but, I can run really fast and leap over things and jump high enough to grab on to the roof of ten-story buildings and such. It’s the most amazing rush! And unfortunately, it only happens if I’m not being chased. If I have a need to run and get away, a turtle will pass me by within a minute’s time. I am that slow when it comes to trying to out run zombies or vampires or ghosties or any type of such creatures/things/people who want to hurt me.

Werewolves vary a lot in my dreams. They all don’t look like Taylor Lautner (Jacob) from Twilight. Lol. One subspecies of them are reddish brown, super stout and short, and they speak in growled voices with mouths full of sharp teeth. They have thick snouts that aren’t wolf like in any way. It looks more like Alf’s nose from that tv show, ALF. They have very short tails which is more like a vestige of the spine. They walk on all fours with short arms and legs and curved spines. They kind of do a weird bumpy jumping walk instead of walking. They have fur covered ears that are over-sized and pointed. The most important character about them is that they’re bound to vampires (a specific type, I’m sure) and they are servants to those vampires. These werewolves cannot change into a human shape. They cannot change shape at all.

Another type of werewolves in my dreams are strictly males. They’re the “Taylor Lautner” werewolves. They’re totally smoking hot and all over the age of 18. Haha!

There’s a subspecies of werewolves that are silver/grey and they’re these huge creatures that stand eight to ten feet tall with humanoid looking bodies, but they’re all wolf on super muscular legs.

There are many subspecies of werewolves that I dream about. I usually avoid them. I usually avoid everything and everyone in my dreams and for good reason: they’re dangerous!

There are also many types of vampires. Actually, none of the vampires that I have in the Turning vampire series is from my dreams (I’m glad for the most part, because there’s crazy vampires like the Streigos which resemble gargoyles and there’s the Faustians which are rotting corpses and such).

One such vampire species, the kind that controls the reddish stout werewolves, are also shapeshifters. They turn into the ugliest bald cats, all wrinkly and gross. They also possess magic. So pretty much, they’re sorcerers that are vampires. It’s weird.

Another vampire species are those that have these super large hooked noses and bald heads with greatly pointed ears. These dress pretty plain and try not to draw attention to themselves although they feed on blood and can massacre without feelings.

I’m not sure if any species of vampires in my dreams fly. I fly…by jumping. Lol. I’ll have to think about it.

I just remembered something else I love about my dreams! The creatures! The wildlife is amazing! Despite the fact that they all want to kill me for whatever reason, the animals in my dreams are ridiculously awesome. I wish I was a better artist so I can draw them perfectly because they’re wicked cool!

There are these huge stork like birds that stand as tall as a human with black bodies and their feathers are more like hairs and they have white tipped wings and these thick beaks that are hard as a rock. It’s a bit difficult to stand there and stare at how incredible everything looks when everything is trying to kill me. Lol.

Or these wild dogs that are a mix of jackals and hyenas and wolves with feline looking heads and short snouts and huge bodies! They’ve got like tufts of hair that make them seem to sport mohawks while their dark bodies have white/tan spots on the bottom half of their legs. Of course, they all make me run inside the haunted, creepy houses that I tried to stay out of, but they look incredible.

And the dinosaurs! It’s incredible. I mean, I don’t have that much time staring at a velociraptor while it’s trying to claw me, but wow, I wouldn’t have imagined their colors and the stripes and the blues and greens. It’s unreal. Not to forget to mention that T-Rex often terrorizes me in different settings. I am stupid terrified of dinosaurs! Lol.

When I actually finish writing and publishing all the other half-finished novels I’ve already started writing that are based on my dreams, everyone can actually see how incredible some of the animals and weird stuff and species and worlds are. It’s insanity! But they make for excellent books!

Take Alcone and the Rhiaddon for example. That was a dream I had about a fourteen year old boy named Alcone (the name was actually his that I heard in the dream) and he was born into a group of people called the Rhiaddon (the only other name I heard in the dream and remembered). The Rhiaddon have this special ability to see the Damned, people who have sinned and are destined for Hell. The Rhiaddon possess a special gate that is guarded by two stone guardians with two giant snakes which all usher the Damned through the gate and into hell every night. Because of an agreement between God and the devil, if a single Damned is missing, then the devil has the authority to come up through the gate and take one of the Rhiaddon as a replacement. It’s actually a very interesting and awesome story about love and life and beliefs. It’s so cool! I need to get to writing!

I feel like I make my dreams out to be pretty awesome, but, I wouldn’t wish my dreams on anyone else. They’re really nightmares in disguise. I used to sleep less than three hours a night when I was a kid because I was afraid to go to sleep. I was afraid to dream. And I would wake up feeling worse off than before I went to bed. It wasn’t until I got much older (and fed up), that I didn’t allow my dreams to stop me from getting a good night’s sleep  no matter how horrific the dream was. And that still stands today. I sleep well, only because I don’t allow the dreams to affect me. But within the dream is a different story. It’s an alternate universe where everything painful hurts just as much as if it’s real.

Since it’s been a while since I’ve kept a dream journal or done anything concerning my dreams, I’m going to start keeping a dream journal. A sort of dream diary experiment. I am still looking forward to changing my dreams. And I am still looking forward to having completely brand new dreams I haven’t dreamed before (since all my dreams are recurring dreams).

Every night, I will aim to try and dream about a certain topic or dream a certain way and see how that comes along.

Tonight, I will try to dream about vampires and see if I can tap into the world of Marisa and the Arromanovokzjas since they don’t exist in my dream world. I’ll try to keep track of date and time and I’ll also try to use lucidity tricks such as flickering lights, bathrooms, going through mirrors, and spinning which will help me with realizing that I am dreaming and also to change the dream. Anyone else who wants to try and dream about Marisa and her brothers and their world, please let me know how well you succeeded in the comments! I’ll be so excited if someone gets there!

Goodnight! ^_^

 
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Posted by on June 25, 2014 in Diary, Dream Diary

 

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The Reality of the Matrix and How it Affects the Author

I’ve done more thinking than I wanted to do in the past few days and I’m reminded of the movie, The Matrix. In the Matrix, reality is subjective to each individual, playing a part in a whole that is controlled from beyond the perception of the persons involved. And in a way, reality itself here is pretty similar. We are all subjected to our realities, unaware of the bigger scheme of things that are beyond our scope of understanding.

I’m not a big fan of authority or authoritative figures. Half of my behavioral problems stem from some sort of power play, where I’m being dictated in one way or form. I don’t respond well to authority, especially those that are corrupt in power or those who seek to control me. And upon reflection, there have been many things and people controlling me in the past.

The entire concept of the Matrix is based on control: control of the mind, control of the human being.

Of course there’s the usual suspects: my parents, my family, my friends, etc…but who actually controls a big portion of my life if not me and if not related by blood? God controls the majority of my life and despite a good bit of it being like the Matrix (false free will), I still have to comply. I can always choose to take the blue pill and wake up and that’s the end of the dream, but damn the little red pills which want to keep showing me how deep the rabbit hole goes.

Perhaps my rebellion isn’t really in response to people or authority, but in response to God. Sad, but I can name times where I deliberately disobeyed just to see what would happen and/or deliberately caused an event to test out a “theory”. I actually encountered the occult because of my rebellion. And isn’t it ironic that rebellion is the same as witchcraft? I certainly went from one straight into the other. *frowns*

The concept of the Matrix isn’t new. Not only do we have governmental Big Brother, but the Matrix takes it farther to say that there is something/someone greater than human beings who is controlling our entire reality and existence. And how do we normally respond? Eject ourselves from that control to a reality where we believe we can finally be in control of ourselves and our lives.

Why fight the Matrix?

As Cypher stated, reality in itself isn’t a grand thing. Even if it was all an illusion, the reality of the dream was sufficient because it felt real. True reality was way harsher: they were slaves to machines with holes in their bodies, there was very little food, they were always on the run from the machines they escaped from, everyone lived underground because the sky was scorched with perpetual dark clouds, etc, etc. Something that felt real was a much better alternative to what was real.

But to a writer, everything is real. Fantastic worlds filled with magic and sorcery, terrible worlds filled with barely any food and starving people, horrible worlds filled with viruses and zombies, and every other world that can be imagined. So do we writers have our own little Matrix going on?

I like playing the Sims because in a way, I can create worlds much like our own. In it, I can control situations and things that happen. It’s fun actually, especially when I’m feeling quite destructive. Even without the game, there are many worlds that are alive within the pages of the books that I’ve written, worlds that all desire to be explored and discovered.

Take the world of the Arromanovokzjas in The Turning vampire series for example. Much like our own modern world, theirs is filled with vampires. And magic. Witches. Mermaids (yes, there’s mermaids and it’s in the fourth and upcoming novel, Loose Ends). So imagine a world filled with fantasy creatures just hidden right in our own.

The Otherworld as described in Beyond the Gates: Otherworld is an incredible place filled with odd sorts of creatures, cities and villages much like our own earth, and a river that separates demons from the “more human” (which can’t even be counted as 100% human since there’s so many others that live there) side and a bridge that for one day out of the entire year, is blocked off to the demons. It’s kind of like…a strange fantasy.

The world of Drayden and the Eminentity in Legacy of the Guardians: The Iron Tower Maiden is a post apocalyptic world filled with nothing but sand everywhere and horrific monsters that feed on the last human survivors.

The earth that Ialae and Jacob and Peter finds themselves in in The Thirteen Keys is a post apocalyptic one, except only America was destroyed and with the large amount of Undesireables, the New World Peace Army has been cleaning up the planet and imprisoning the Undesireables to help return the economy back to how it used to be.

Alcone and the Rhiaddon exists in a world much like our own, except thousands of years in the past where archaic magic and sweat lodges and a gate exists that opens up a doorway to hell for them to shove the Damned into.

Are all of these false realities real?

If the Matrix is a false reality that seems to be real, but it isn’t, then are our stories and our writings, our books and our imaginative worlds that we create a Matrix in itself also?

One such as an author can only imagine the despair and sadness of the loss of a character and how that loss will ultimately affect the outcome of the world where that character once inhabited. We control those worlds, for the most part. At times, the characters themselves have their own free will and choose a different path from the ones we destined them to, so when that happens, we rewrite the story according to the change the character made, not according to our original draft of what we wanted to happen. If characters in our own stories have free will and the worlds we created are pretty much the equivalent of the Matrix, are we then, gods?

 
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Posted by on June 13, 2014 in Diary

 

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The Turning Vampire Series Origins, Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight Saga, and God in the Midst of It

Today, I want to talk a bit about my books, The Turning vampire series, about Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight saga, a bit about how God is involved, and I want to answer some of the comments made by readers who’ve read The Turning.

I wrote The Turning vampire series back in 2009 when I had a lot of free time and there was all the hype about Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight books. I read Twilight and I liked it. I read New Moon and it was okay. At the end, when the perspectives changed from Bella to Jacob, I totally got lost and didn’t like it at all. I scanned through Eclipse and the humungous end book, Breaking Dawn, but I didn’t read them thoroughly as I did the first book. I actually stopped reading halfway through Eclipse. I didn’t understand why there needed to be a change in perspectives. For two whole books, the point of view had always been Bella’s in first person. Why change it now? Jacob was in Twilight. Why not had his point of view inserted from the beginning? And Jacob isn’t even the “hero” of the book. Bella’s the damsel in distress and Edward is supposed to be the hero, so why not had Edward’s point of view instead? It was all too confusing. And from there, I wanted to read a vampire series that was better than Twilight. Since I couldn’t find one, I created my own.

The Turning vampire series isn’t Twilight fan fiction. It’s not based on the unrealistic world of Twilight and their sparkly vampires. No. It’s better in many ways that Twilight can’t even touch on. I started out wanting to write something better, and what I ended up with was a world where characters wrote their own stories and taught me lessons on life and love and on being human.

Marisa starts out a bit like Bella, because my idea was that I could have a main character like Bella, but only so much better. I was horribly arrogant at the time that I wrote The Turning and I have to say that I didn’t really create Marisa–she created herself. I made her shy and awkward, but she quickly taught me that she wasn’t Bella and she was her own person. She wasn’t afraid of life. She was afraid of being alone, like she always had been. And that loneliness was the only thing that made her shy and awkward. If not for that, she would’ve found a way to conquer the world without being a vampire.

The Turning vampire series spans a total of ten books written between 2009 and 2012. The first four books were written in one month, each 300+ page book taking a total of a week to write longhand because all I did was eat, sleep for a few hours, and write all day, every day. My first drafts were insane. When I get really excited, I write very, very super tiny. The most I can fit into one regular ruled line on notebook paper is nine lines–nine sentences! (I will scan and upload an image of my longhand writing for everyone to see! Below, is a different story I wrote on unlined paper. It is 246 lines on regular 8 1/2″ by 11″ printer paper. And yes, I can read my own handwriting, even something that small. ^_^ )

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It was incredible to have written these books. I couldn’t have done it on my own. And I credited God to actually being the one who wrote the series. Most Christians tell me that God doesn’t write vampire novels. And I tell them that they underestimate the power of God. He created everything. Vampire novels are not more powerful than God that He can’t write them. I am a Christian. And although unexpected, The Turning vampire series does have remnants of Christianity inserted into them. It’s not intentional. I don’t categorize the series as being Christian and I don’t market it as a Christian romance novel. (It’s actually more erotica once you hit the second novel. And apparently, sex is taboo for Christians because you will not find Christian erotica anywhere! *lol* ^_^ )

The books were not meant to be categorized into something that makes people read them and find it an ideal way to believe, or worse, to worship them. I don’t have better words at the moment to express my feelings. I think they can be summed up in the underlying theme of the series and of how The Turning vampire novels taught me what humanity is like through the eyes of monsters: we all have great evil in us and we all will fail at one point in time or another to that darkness, but what makes us human is the ability to overcome that, in even the smallest measurement of simply living and continuing to live in love with ourselves and with each other.

I’m sure many people don’t understand that sentence, as I’m not totally sure I understand all of it myself, but The Turning vampire series is a story, a world I was blessed to see and capture in words to share. If people can learn something from the novels that helps them better themselves and their lives, then I’m happy for that. But, the novels themselves are not something that people should look towards to find God in because there’s only one book where we can find Him: the Bible. I don’t want people to misunderstand the reasons of me saying that God wrote the vampire books because He did, but people should not worship a creation instead of the Creator. It is wrong.

Back to my novels. ^_^

Whereas Twilight taught young girls and women how important it was to have a boyfriend and do everything for him, The Turning taught people how important it was to have a family and to protect them.

Marisa lost her parents in a horrible car accident where she almost died too. In a flash, her whole world changed. Although her relationship with her parents were by no means the Brady bunch, she’s a young girl who has some issues of her own like any other normal teenager. And what she wanted most wasn’t a boyfriend, but a family and a place where she belonged.

When she met the Arromanovokzjas, the vampire brothers, she wasn’t some human who mysteriously won the vampire lotto for being picked to fall in love with instead of becoming food–she was a vampire, but one not yet turned. Their interest in her wasn’t that she needed someone to save her from her miserable, boring, mundane life, but that she could become a threat at any time to the humans in the town where they lived. A vampire’s turning was considered a most dangerous event in which the one who is being turned is potentially more dangerous than the ones already turned. Their interest in her was to keep the town safe and to keep her from killing everyone, at the risk of their own lives. Every vampire’s turning is different with two things in common: death and blood, and Marisa’s turning was going to be no exception. But knowing that she had no one else alive and no idea of the life she was going to have to lead, they made the decision to save a whole town for the greater good by asking her to join them so they can watch over her turning.

Marisa is by no means the helpless damsel in distress. Impatient for someone to save her, she does most things by herself, even if she ends up making things much worse than they were before. But no matter how many times she’s fallen and she’s given up, she gets back up and she fights. She doesn’t fight to save Alessander, the oldest, whom she loves. She fights to keep the new family that she became a part of. The only reason why Marisa even considered romantic love was because love was the only bond stronger than the bond formed between a vampire and their Maker, the one who turned them. And in order for the vampire who left her for dead to believe that she is dead, she had to form a bond strong enough to not call her Maker to her.

One of the things that I didn’t like about Twilight was how it approached the subject matter of love. It is a romance novel and I’ve actually read more than enough romance novels who do this same exact thing–they teach people that love is an automatic feeling between two people who don’t even know each other. Love is far from that.

Marisa doesn’t automatically fall irrevocably in love with a vampire because he’s so mysterious and he ignores her like how Bella fell in love with Edward, which makes no sense at all because he totally ignored her and Bella became a crazy stalker who gets kind of creepy and waits for him even when he doesn’t show up at school. That’s not love. That’s obsession. It’s unhealthy. It’s ridiculous to teach girls that it’s okay to throw yourself at a guy who doesn’t want you, even if deep down inside, he really does but he doesn’t show it. That’s like telling people in abusive relationships that it’s okay to stay and be abused because their significant other really loves them. That is the worse thing to teach girls and women and it’s sad that many, many romance novels repeat this theme over and over again. That is not love. And it is not an okay way to treat people, men and women alike.

Marisa made a choice to fall in love and that choice was to save them all from a threat bigger than a turning–the Streigos. (The Streigos are a different type of vampire that have actual gargoyle like bodies and wings. They’re what vampires call “monsters”.) She doesn’t take a look at Alessander and thinks he’s sexy so she wants to be with him. No. That’s ridiculous. She doesn’t even know him!

Alessander taught Marisa about love and boundaries, something that many people need to know about. She needed a way to stop the automatic linking between her and the Streigos who killed her first family to stop him from killing the new family that she now had. And romantic love in all its awesomeness was something stronger than that link. She chose to love Alessander, albeit, she’s a bit wrong in her approach because she doesn’t think things through, but she made the choice after considering all three of her brothers–Alessander, Demetri, and Ra’vin. She didn’t blindly fall in love, she considered her options and chose what was best for her and her family.

Love doesn’t work for most people because people have an unrealistic expectation of what love is. That unrealistic expectation is that there’s an automatic attraction and feeling that will last them through decades of marriage. Love isn’t a feeling. Love is a choice. We choose to love someone. And that choice is what carries us through decades of commitment and honor and working together on a relationship.

One of the things that my readers have commented on was the dynamics of the switch in personalities between Alessander and Demetri. One moment, either one of them can be dark and brooding and the next moment, either one of them can be happy and nice. It was commented that their personalities mixed in too much with each other and they didn’t distinguish themselves as being one-dimensional (either dark and brooding or friendly and happy for example).

Granted, Demetri made the attempt to be nice to Marisa which led him to actually getting to know her. In letting down his walls, he became a better person towards her. But, in defense of Alessander and Demetri and their changing characteristics, I honestly don’t know a single person that is one-dimensional. I’ve never met or known a single person who is so miserable all of the time that everything around them dripped in the excruciating pain of their misery. Or I’ve never met and known a single person who was happy and cheerful all of the time despite how horrible their circumstances may be. Real people are not one-dimensional characters. They have weaknesses and flaws and the Arromanovokzjas are no exception. Their personalities are multifaceted and they have weaknesses and flaws as well.

Ra’vin isn’t even happy all of the time. His personality is only stable because he’s young and Alessander made that known to Marisa when they made the choice to watch over her turning. He specifically told her the reason why Ra’vin was the way that he was–optimistic and hopeful, and it was because while Ra’vin hopes in a future that is bright, Alessander and Demetri have lived and seen human suffering and seen wars and death and blood and they know the truth that hope is a luxury for the young who can afford it because they have not yet suffered the truth of the reality that life is not always kind. And that is the reason why Ra’vin is hopeful and optimistic and almost childlike in his ways. Alessander and Demetri have shielded him from both the vampire world and the human world so what he knows is limited to their love and protection of him.

I also understand that there is confusion where Marisa has the hallucinations that look like Alessander and Demetri, but they aren’t her brothers. The Turning vampire series was all written in first person through Marisa’s point of view. It was written in a specific way so that the reader understands what she understands. With that being said, she doesn’t understand why these things are happening to her. She doesn’t understand how she learned how to stop time if the real Alessander and Demetri didn’t teach her that. The hallucinations play a pretty big role in the story and their roles will be revealed later on as Marisa progresses in her life’s journey. As she comes to understand their meaning and why they’re there with her, the reader then also understands and can look back and connect to all the times that things were confusing and can see how all of it makes perfect sense.

I want to say that I am not smart enough to link something in the first novel, The Turning, to something two or three books down the series because I really would’ve forgotten about it by then. My memory is terrible.

Spoiler alert: there’s one sentence that Marisa comments to Mrs. Brukenheimer during her enrollment at school that I overlooked and didn’t realize had any meaning at all until around the sixth novel being written where it mentions the significance of that one sentence. When asked if Marisa had any family, she commented that her grandparents have died on both sides of the family and she was an only child. She remarked that she had an aunt Margaret who is somewhere in Africa, trying to convert the local natives to Christianity and she’s never seen or heard from this aunt since she was born. Margaret shows up somewhere around maybe book five (Knotted Remains)? I’m not sure, but she’s definitely in the sixth novel (Shadow War–coming soon although I’m typing up the fourth one, Loose Ends, into the computer now). When Marisa made that comment and I wrote it down, I was unaware of the importance of what she she said. I presumed it was just some casual way of trying to not get in trouble while wanting to get her high school diploma, but there were forces at work that day to initiate and prepare a remarkable story that I didn’t even know about when I started writing the novels.

I’m revealing this spoiler because I honestly cannot take credit for the incredible world of vampires in this series. I started writing with the intention of creating something I wanted to read, and instead, I was given the opportunity to see a world and to chronicle it not only for myself, but for others to enjoy too. In the end, everything will make sense and for all the people who’ve read The Turning and might’ve been confused as to Marisa’s kind of schizo personality and hallucinations, the end takes everything from the beginning and shows the reader exactly why things happened and for what reasons they happened. The series has a complete ending and I didn’t know that when I was writing the books. I actually wrote, not knowing where the stories were heading or if there was any meaning to anything or an explanation to it all. I was pleasantly surprised that at the very end of it all, everything came together and connected and it all made sense. All my questions (conscious and unconscious) were answered. Not that I’m telling everyone they have to read all ten books to understand what’s going on, but like in life when we don’t understand something, with time, we may come to an understanding of that something once not understood. I’m sure I didn’t make sense there at all! ^_^

Everything that happens in the novels have significance and meaning. I didn’t know that when I wrote them down. The reader doesn’t get to see parts of any of the characters’ past to fill up space and stretch the books to almost 400 hundred pages for no reason. Everything that Marisa learns about her brothers, the vampires, the Nosferatu, the intruders–Heidrick, Anastasia, and Vasila, her new parents–Lillian and Maxwell, the memories of her own past, all have meaning and connections that I didn’t see or think about when I wrote the stories. And all these connections and all these things that makes sense many books later on and ties everything into what I believe is pretty much one big epic fantasy story, is the reason why I believe I truly had help writing this series. I couldn’t have done it without God so my thanks is always to Him first. He is really the one who wrote these books. It wouldn’t have been possible without Him.

It was an incredible pleasure for me to write The Turning vampire series. This isn’t because I’m some awesome author who will be the next famous multimillionaire when people discover how great my novels are, but it’s because I take great joy in these books that has taught me about myself and about many things in life. I really love the characters and their stories and the greatest joy that I have in publishing the series is to share Marisa and her brothers and my love for them with the entire world. That is what makes me happy, that Marisa’s story is told and that people love something that I love as much as I love it. ^_^

Thank you to all the people who read this incredibly long post. And to everyone who has read The Turning or books two and three in the series, Blood Lust and Masquerade, I am proud to share this incredible story and this amazing world with you. Thank you for taking the time to join Marisa and her brothers on their journeys.

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Posted by on May 12, 2014 in Book Reviews

 

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